Place of the Lost
by ToesNtheWater
Summary: The year is 1918, Edward and Bella were childhood friends who as teenagers have fallen in love. When Edward suddenly falls deathly ill, he goes through some extreme changes, and the couple must fight the impossible to keep their romance alive.
1. Chapter 1: The Best Laid Plans

**Place of the Lost**

A/N: I never planned on writing a story, but this idea has been plaguing me for days. I had to put it on paper. This is my first attempt so be easy on me. The concept is _Twilight _but Edward knew Bella while he was still human. Later they'll be some Cherokee legends woven in and a taste of the South. Hope you like it!

_Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Chapter 1: The Best Laid Plans…**

EPOV

It was the happiest summer of my life. I turned seventeen, and I was invincible. My future looked brighter than the hot Chicago sun, that threatened to melt the icing on my modest vanilla birthday cake. We sat alone at a picnic table in the park, as I bent down to blow out the single candle on the cake she baked for me. It was just me and the most beautiful girl in the world. My Bella had long brown hair with shiny curls that bounced around her face when she laughed. She never sullied her porcelain skin with makeup; her luscious pink lips were never desecrated with ostentatious red lipstick. Her deep brown eyes were mysterious and soulful. Bella's beauty was so natural; it radiated out from the sweet, gentle spirit within. I often told her how lovely she truly was. She always giggled and rolled her eyes saying, "Edward, I'm plain." Plain! Plain like a rare diamond. Plain like a tropical sunset. Plain like a field of blooming wildflowers. Suddenly her sweet yet distressed voice interrupted my thoughts, "Edward, are you scared?"

"What do you mean?"

In a troubled tone she replied, "Don't pretend, you don't know what I'm talking about. War is serious Edward, men are dying everyday in Europe."

"I won't die in the war Bella, besides it's almost over. It's 1918, for God's sake! The hellish thing has lasted for four years now."

"You don't know how long it will last Edward. I just can't understand why you want to go so badly. You know it's dangerous. It's one thing to be drafted, but Edward why are you going to lie about your age just so you can risk your neck?"

"Of course it's a risk, but without risk there is no glory."

"Glory? Are you serious?" She snorted sarcastically.

"Yes Bella, I'm serious. Don't you see? It's a man's duty to fight for his country, and when I get back I'll be worthy."

"Dear, you're being dreadfully evasive today. What is it exactly that you need to be worthy of?"

"Your hand in marriage." Then we were silent. She smiled and I saw a lone tear cascade down her cheek. I gently wiped it away with my fingertips. She never mentioned my plans to join the military again. I know she didn't care if I was a war hero or a vagabond. Bella would love me regardless, that was her nature. She also understood that this was something I had to do for myself. Deep down, I knew I wasn't worthy of her. I was just a carpenter's son. Maybe if I could risk my life for something bigger than myself, I could be good enough for my Bella.

I wrapped my arms around her as she rested her head upon my chest. I took her chin in my hand and lightly kissed her lips. I tucked my head down into her hair, breathing in her brown curls. Ahh… lavender, her scent was intoxicating. We sat at that picnic table for a long time, just enjoying the summer ambiance. The blue sky turned to smoldering hues of red, orange and pink. We watched the sunset behind the leaves of a towering oak.

When the last rays of the warm day gave way to the shadows, I groaned and began to stand. My legs had grown stiff from sitting so long. Taking her hand, I broke the long silence, "I need to get you home Bella, your father will be worried." I chuckled lightly and added, "Don't want him pulling his pistol on me." I was only half joking, Charlie really was an edgy man, especially when it came to Bella. His wife left the two of them for a baseball player when Bella was thirteen. Charlie saw me as a threat; she was all he had left. His worst fear was losing her… at least we had one thing in common.

Bella took my hand and we started walking the short distance to her house. My heart skipped a beat, every time a street light illuminated her angelic face and revealed her soft smile. Her skirt swayed in the breeze as I lead her up the steps to her door. We stopped in front of the house and she suddenly turned to me. Before I knew what was happening, her lips were pressed against mine with an unexpected intensity. I instinctively wrapped my arms around her as her tongued danced on my lips. Passion stirred deep inside me and her tongue gently caressed mine. A low groan slipped from my throat and she immediately broke the kiss. She looked up into my eyes; her cheeks blushed a fiery red. A giggled escaped from her lips and she whispered, "Happy birthday."

"Thank you for the most wonderful birthday of my life."

She rolled her eyes, "Oh Edward, it was a little cake and an evening in the park."

"I can't imagine a better day. When I'm in Europe in a few months, I'll think of this day." I watched her face turn grim and realized that I just ruined a very special moment with my morbid thoughts. "I'm sorry, we'll worry about that when the time comes."

"Sounds good to me, we'll enjoy this summer while it lasts." she forced a fake grin. "Good night Edward, I love you."

"I love you too Bella. But, good night? How about see you soon?" I stole a quick kiss and watched my favorite wide smile break out on her face. An unexpected noise intruded upon our intimate moment. The heavy wood door creaked open behind us and her father stood on the threshold with a stern look on his face.

"Good night Mr. Masen."

"Good night Mr. Swan." I nodded and smiled at Bella, then turned to make my way home. I couldn't help but smile as I listened to the rhythmic thud of my boots on the sidewalk. The whole day played over and over in my mind. Waking up to find a small box wrapped in newspaper and tied with twine sitting on my bedside table. My father must have saved for months to buy me that watch. My mother cooked my favorite breakfast of eggs, bacon, biscuits and grits, a menu that was a tribute to her childhood in the South. After spending most of the day with my parents, I left the house to visit my girl.

That was the best part of the day, being with my Bella. I've known her for nearly all of my life. We grew up three blocks away from each other. We had been best friends since we were seven-years-old and Michael Newton kicked mud on her dress on the way to school. I gave the little asshole a black eye. I've been her protector ever since and she's been my confidant. I could trust her with my darkest secrets. She never told anyone the numerous embarrassing tidbits I divulged to her; she just listened and shared my silly adolescent burdens. I knew she was a good friend then, but it wasn't until we were thirteen that I saw how truly wonderful she was. Her mother left her but she never cried for her loss. She cried for her father, and she worried about his loneliness. She diligently took over every household duty her mother performed., doing everything she could to make the transition easier for Charlie. Even at such a young age she was selfless. I've been in love with her ever since.

I reached the door to my house and slowly turned the knob. My mother smiled at me warmly. Her forehead was creased with worry, and a low groan came from the living room, "Edward is that you?"

"Yes dad, I'm home. You don't sound well. Are you sick." Truthfully not well was an inadequate description of how my father sounded. Half-dead was probably more accurate but I didn't want to offend him.

"My throat is sore and my stomach isn't well; your mother thinks I have a fever. But you know me, I'm strong as an ox. I'm sure I'll feel better in the morning." Ox? This too was an inadequate description. He sounded more like a dying cow. I lit the oil lamp in the living room and was shocked at what I saw. My father was deathly pale, covered in sweat and frighteningly weak. The sight made my stomach turn. He looked so healthy this morning. The dim light of the drab living room only made the situation worse. His eyes seemed darker than normal and his brown hair looked unusually dull.

"Get some rest dad, I'm going to my room to read."

"Don't stay up too late, I need your help in the shop tomorrow." he groaned.

"I know, Good night." I nodded and smiled at his weak frame sprawled across the brown sofa."

"Good night."

I climbed the stairs to my modest bedroom. The wooden walls did little to keep the cold out in the winter, and the heat could become oppressive this time of year. My twin bed sat in the corner covered with dingy white sheets and a green blanket. My many books lined the far wall. A single window allowed the moonlight to dance across the wooden floor. It wasn't much but it was more than a lot of people had, and it was home. I settled into my bed and lit the oil lamp so I could find my favorite book. I read a few pages of Bram Stoker's _Dracula_, as I listened for my mother to go to bed. When I was sure that she had fallen asleep, I slowly got up. The bed creaked noisily under me as I slinked to the window. I carefully scaled the terrace and began making my way back to my Bella.

When I reached her house, I picked up a few tiny stones and snuck around to her window. I lightly threw the stones, hitting her second story window. Suddenly the white curtain opened and her smiling face appeared. I heard the window raise and she whispered a hello. The moonlight leapt off her curls and her radiance glowed in the dim light of her room. I burned with desire to touch her but I knew that was something I couldn't risk. If Charlie were to hear me in her room, I wouldn't live to go to war.

I heard her giggle lightly, "What's so funny?" I asked.

"This reminds me of the balcony scene from _Romeo and Juliette._ O Edward, Edward wherefore art thou Edward? I snorted loudly at her theatrics. "Shhhh..." she cried.

"If only I could be as romantic as him." I mused.

"Edward, if you'll recall Romeo's romantic ambitions killed him." Her stern tone gave me the feeling she's wasn't talking about Romeo anymore. I tried to lighten the atmosphere.

"I blame it on poor planning. If you're going to fake a suicide you really should work out the finer details." She smirked slightly. "Don't worry Bella our plans are better; I'll spend a year or so in the military while you finish school. Then I'll come back and work with my dad in the shop. We won't be rich but I'll make enough to support you and a family." I couldn't help but grin as I talked about our future. The thought of having a family and well… making a family with Bella made me downright giddy.

"I can't wait Edward." She smiled and I longed to kiss those pink lips.

I tried to speak in my deepest romantic voice but "I love you Bella." erupted from my throat in a raspy groan reminiscent of my father's weak voice.

"I love you too dear; are you okay?" She said in a concerned tone.

"I may be coming down with something, my father was sick this evening."

"Oh no Edward, you don't have the flu do you? You know how terrible that is, it's been spreading all over the city."

"Don't worry Bella, I'm sure that it isn't that serious."

"Why don't you go home and rest, the night air will make anything you DO have worse."

"You're right, Good night Bella. Sleep well my love."

'"Good night Edward."

Despite my suddenly aching throat, I walked home completely content that evening. The thought of spending my life with Bella literally made me overflow with joy. I probably could have skipped down the sidewalk but the passing cars may have thought I was insane. Then again being in love was a lot like being insane. I was shamelessly affectionate towards her and would gladly sacrifice every shred of dignity and masculine pride just to make her smile. My Bella, my girl, my everything. I climbed my terrace and tucked myself in under my dingy sheets. I watched the moonlight streak across the wooden planks of my floor until a heavy, restful sleep brought me the sweetest dreams.

**A/N: I'd love to know what you think! Please review and tell me if you'd like me to continue. **


	2. Chapter 2: Alone

Place of the Lost

**A/N: This chapter isn't a happy one, but it's a must. **

_**Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**_

**Chapter 2: Alone**

BPOV:

The bright light from window woke me from a heavy slumber. I looked at the open curtains and wonderful images of yesterday flooded my thoughts. Edward had looked so happy and so handsome on his birthday. His green eyes sparkled like emeralds in the sun. His messy hair was the most unusual yet beautiful shade of bronze; it swayed slightly in the breeze and created the perfect frame for his chiseled features. His lips were full and soft. Conversely his strong jaw line made him look like he was carved from marble. But Edward's striking masculine features were dimmed by the beauty of his spirit. He was so kind, gentle and sensitive. He'd always been my protector and I knew that it would always be that way. I never felt safer than when I was with Edward. I couldn't understand what he saw in me or why he deemed himself unworthy of my hand in marriage. My own mother didn't see any value in me; but this beautiful spirit did?

I groaned loudly and reached towards the ceiling stretching my stiff body. I rubbed my eyes and looked around my tiny bedroom. I saw my old wooden rocking chair in the corner, a dark contrast against the white walls. My mother rocked me in that chair and sang me to sleep when I was an infant. I don't know why I kept it in here, seeing it was like tearing open an old wound. I quickly turned my head to my bedside table, where the view was much more pleasant. Fresh white blossoms in a glass coke bottle and my oil lamp rested there. I leaned my head down and took in the fragrance, ahhh… lilies. Edward wanted to give me roses; he said lilies were funeral flowers. I didn't care; I just loved the way they looked sitting next to my bed. The white blooms against my pink linens.

"Bella, I'm hungry." A loud voice thundered from the first floor.

I smiled at the flowers, a reminder of my love. "I'm sorry dad, I'll make breakfast now." I yelled. I made my way downstairs still half asleep. I walked to the kitchen, sliced some bread and lit the cook stove. I fried Charlie some eggs and bacon in the cast iron skillet. I raked the food out into a plate and sat it at his place. "Breakfast is on the table, Dad."

"Thank you darling. Do you have any plans for the day?"

I stuttered slightly, "Um.. I was planning on stopping by the carpenter's shop this afternoon."

He laughed lightly, "Are you going to build something?"

"No, Edward helps his father in the shop on Sunday afternoons."

His face suddenly turned stern, "Oh. Didn't you see the Masen boy yesterday?"

"Yes father, but I don't have piano lessons or school today. All the household chores are done. I didn't think seeing Edward would be a problem."

He gave me a confused look. "Bella this isn't about housework. It's just not healthy for you to spend too much time with that boy."

Every stern word that fell from his lips felt like he was stomping on my happiness. The thought of not seeing Edward today made my chest feel tight. I had to see him; I thought quickly. "Dad, Edward and his father felt under the weather yesterday. I just wanted to go check on them. Maybe I should make them some soup."

Charlie furrowed his brow, "The carpenter is sick?"

"Yes, sir"

His expression suddenly changed to a look of concern, "Well he needs to be in good health to do his job. It's hard on the body you know. Maybe you should see if there is anything you can do."

I couldn't suppress the toothy smile that broke out over my face, "I certainly will try to help."

"Oh, but Bella be careful. You know the flu is going around. Hopefully this isn't that serious, but keep your distance."

"Of course I will, I don't need to get sick too. You'd starve to death." I giggled then hurried to my room to get dressed for the day. I went to the closet and fingered through my humble wardrobe. I pulled out a white blouse that buttoned up to my neck and fastened with a onyx broach. Then I found a long black skirt that complemented the onyx. I secured my brown curls with tiny silver hairpins, then walked to the mirror. An audible sigh escaped from mouth, plain. What did Edward see in me?

When I heard the grandfather clock chime eleven, I decided that Edward would be in the shop by now. My black heels clicked against the stairs. "Goodbye Dad."

"Goodbye dear. Don't be gone too long and keep your distance from the sick."

"I will." It was all I could do to not skip out the door. I was so excited about seeing Edward, especially after last night. I loved it when we talked about our future together, with the exception of his potential military career. But I could wait for Edward, I knew he would take care of himself for me. Then when he got back, we'd have a big welcome home party. He'd propose to me and our life would begin. My smile was beaming at these lovely thoughts and before I knew it, I was at the door of the shop. I peeked my head into the window, but it was dark. I knocked and called out, "Edward, Mr. Masen." My pleas were returned with silence. I pounded on the door, still no answer. I suddenly became worried. Edward was always in the shop on Sundays.

I walked the additional block to his house and again knocked on the door. I leaned on the railing of the stairs, while I waited for someone to answer. Mrs. Masen came to the door, an atrocious odor invaded my nose. Edward's house smelled like human misery, a mixture of grotesque bodily fluids and functions, reminiscent of a filthy hospital. Then I looked at Mrs. Masen, Elizabeth was normally a beautiful woman with long bronze hair and soft feminine features. But today, her complexion was pale and sallow. Her eyes were ringed with dark circles; it was obvious that she hadn't slept last night. She was positively haggard and her long white dressed was stained with what I could only assume was vomit. I just stood there taking in the scene with a shocked expression on my face. Eventually a idiotically obvious question popped out of my mouth, "Mrs. Masen, are you okay?"

In a ragged voice she responded, "No Bella, we have the influenza. I need your help dear but you can't come inside. I can't risk you getting sick too. You must stay as far away from us as possible."

My hands started to tremble and I wanted to cry. I had to see Edward; I had to help him. I wanted to hold him and make him well. "What can I do for your Mrs. Masen?"

"Just have a seat on the stairs, I'll be right back." She shut the door behind her and I followed her directions and sat down. I tried to hold back the tears, but I knew how serious this was. This sickness was rampant throughout the city, but I never throughout the west side of the city. But I never expected it to affect us. We lived on the outskirts of the eastside. Edward was young and healthy; how could this happen?

The door opened abruptly and Mrs. Masen pulled a chair to the inside of the threshold. She sat down and threw a pen and a pad of paper to me. "I'm sorry Bella, I can't write. The chills are giving me tremors. I can't hold the pen steady." My attention was then drawn to her shaking hands. "Bella, listen to me." Her voice was so weak. "I need you to write a letter to my sister in Georgia. If something happens to us, she has to know."

Tears swelled in my eyes at her distressed words. She was insinuating that she might die… that her family might die… that Edward might die! My face was horror stricken, but I know I had to do this for her. I took the paper and tightly gripped the pen in my hand. "Yes m'am, tell me what to write."

Her feeble voice began to dictate the heart wrenching letter. _"Dear Kate, I'm writing you because myself and the rest my family have suddenly fallen terribly ill with the influenza. At this point, our survival is uncertain. In the event that none of us overcome this dreadful disease, I ask that you take care of our estate. Please write in a few weeks for an update on our condition. If you get no reply, please write again four weeks later. If you receive no reply after the second letter, expect the worst. My dearest sister, I'm so sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Know that I love you and miss you." _My tears began to stain the paper. "Bella dear, I'm sorry. I know this is difficult, but it's a precaution we must take."

My tears became heavy sobs and I managed to choke out a few words, "I know I'm sorry Mrs. Masen. It's just… Edward."

"Bella, I am a woman of my word and Edward is young and strong. I promise you, he will survive this, somehow he will persevere."

I breathed a sigh of relief at her promise. Deep down, I understood that she couldn't know that Edward would live but her words were comforting. "Thank you Mrs. Masen."

"Now Bella, will you make me a promise?"

"Yes m'am, anything."

Then Elizabeth's emotions finally got the better of her. Weak sobs spilled from her throat. "If I don't live, promise me Bella that you'll take care of my son. No matter what Bella, make sure he's happy."

"Of course Mrs. Masen." That was a promise I had no problem making. Making Edward happy brought me greater joy than anything else on earth.

"Here's an envelope Bella, fold the letter and place it in there." I silently followed her directions. "The address is 530 Peach Blossom Road GA 29532." My hands were trembling from the overwhelming sadness but I did my best to scribble the address on the front of the envelope. "Thank you, my dear."

"Mrs. Masen, don't you and the boys need to go to the hospital?"

"Mr. Masen and Edward are too weak to get out of bed. They couldn't walk the ten blocks to the hospital. So I was going to ask you for another favor. Do you think Mr. Swan could take us in the police cruiser?"

"Yes of course he could!" I exclaimed in a loud voice. "I'll run home and get my father." I sprinted down the steps, letter in hand. My heels clapped loudly against the pavement. I didn't slow down until I reached my door. .My breathing was heavy and erratic and I threw my door open. I placed the letter on the dining room table, promising myself to mail the morbid document later. "Dad!" I found him sitting in the living room reading the Sunday paper.

Charlie's expression was terrified and confused. "Bella what? Are you okay?"

I tried to control my breathing so I could make a coherent sentence. "Yes dad, I'm fine. But the Masens need your help."

"Well what do they need?" He asked quizzically.

"They need you to take them to the hospital, they're too week to walk. I don't think a cab driver would take them in their condition." My voice was sad and pleading.

"Of course Bella, they're good people. I'll help them, do you know what's wrong with them?"

I trembled slightly, Charlie wasn't going to like this part, "It's the influenza."

His expression grew terribly concerned, "Oh Bella, I'll help them but you have to stay here. It's so contagious, I won't risk your life."

"But Dad…" I began to sob again. "I was already over there and I didn't get to see Edward. Please Dad… please let me see him." My loud sobs drowned out any other coherent pleas I could have put together.

"Bella, please stop crying. You know what it does to me. I tell you what, you can ride to their house with me but you have to walk home. I can't allow you in the car."

"Fine, thank you." I breathed a sigh of relief. At least I'd get to see Edward. I could tell him I loved him. Maybe for the last time, my chest tightened. I began to grieve for something that hadn't happened yet. Tears pooled at the corners of my eyes and soft sobs escaped from my lips.

"What now, Bella?" Charlie grumbled.

"I'm sorry, it's just that…"

"That what?"

"Edward could die." I cried

"Oh darling, come here." Charlie took me in a rare embrace. I laid my head on his black cotton shirt. I felt his moustache on my forehead as he allowed me to cry into his chest. "Bella, we need to get moving so Edward can get some help." Oh how selfish of me. Edward was still alive, and he needed help. All I could think of was my grief as he wasted away in his bedroom. I suddenly got a new sense of resolve. I channeled my sadness into determinedness; Edward was going to live and I was going to help him survive. Charlie took my hand and walked me to the door. The police cruiser was parked on the curb and I hurried to the passenger side seat. The hot seat was uncomfortable and sticky but I didn't care. Charlie got in and the engine roared to life. He drove faster than normal, but the ride seemed to take forever.

When we finally reached Edward's house, the door was still open… that was a bad sign. I ran to the entryway, I was horrified to find Elizabeth sprawled out on the kitchen floor. "Charlie, come quick." My father sprinted towards me and ran into the house. He scooped up Elizabeth into his arms.

"Bella get some water please." He shouted. I ran to the sink and grabbed a damp cloth. He wiped her forehead with the cool rag, and she slowly became animated. "It's okay, she's alive." He carried her in his arms to car and sat her in the front seat. "Bella, go outside and stay. I'm going to get Edward and his father." I did as I was told. I sat on the dirty stoop, getting dust all over my black skirt. I just stared into the car, Elizabeth's head rested on the seat. Her eyes were closed and I couldn't help but worry that she wouldn't make it to the hospital. Then my dad emerged from the house. His arm was wrapped around Edward, supporting him while he walked. Edward looked absolutely terrible. He was pallid and lifeless with dark sunken eyes. His appearance made me want to cry again, I longed for his happy light heartedness.

"Edward." I cried his name loudly. I wanted to throw myself at him and kiss him and make him better, but I knew that wasn't possible. He looked at me and managed a weak smile. "I love you."

In a low dull groan, he replied a barely audible, "I love you too Bella." Charlie looked at us strangely. He obviously wasn't aware of how deep our affection had grown over the past year. But he could see the pain in our eyes and he knew our words were true. Edward and I did love each other and we both knew that this might be the last time we got to tell each other that. My eyes brimmed with tears as my father helped him to the backseat of the car. He rested his head and closed his eyes, just like his mother.

My father raced back into the house for Mr. Masen but he returned much too quickly. I expected a similar scene as before, Charlie guiding Edward's father out the door. Instead, Charlie walked outside alone, his face was grim. He leaned down close to me as if to whisper something my ear. "Bella, he's dead. Please don't say anything out loud I don't want to upset Edward or Elizabeth. Go on home dear, I'll send someone over to take the body to the mortuary."

A giant lump suddenly grew in my throat. A flood of negative emotions attacked my already trouble consciousness. Greif, fear and a crippling sense of dread made it difficult to hold back the loud sobs that threatened to rip out of my throat. I just nodded at Charlie and before I knew it, he was gone. He raced Edward and his mother to the hospital and I just sat there on the stoop…alone

**A/N:** **I'd love to hear what you think! Reviews are greatly appreciated! **.


	3. Chapter 3: Neverland

**Place of the Lost**

A/N: This chapter isn't super happy either, but there's light at the end of the tunnel! Thanks to my first reviewer!

_Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Chapter 3: Neverland **

EPOV

I was sprawled out on the backseat of Charlie's car. The stuffy heat of the police cruiser felt so good, I had had uncontrollable chills all day. My eyes would only open partially but I could make out my mother in the front seat and my Bella sitting on the stoop. I think she looked sad, but I was in no mood to try to decode facial expressions. I told her I loved her and for now, that was all I could muster. The car began to move and I watched her fade into the distance. The gentle motion rocked me into a hazy half sleep. I didn't know we had arrived until my door opened and Charlie grabbed my arm and helped me to my feet. I opened my eyes and noticed men in white uniforms peeling my mother off the brown leather seat.

"Come on son, try to stand up." Charlie prodded. I did my best to comply but I was so damn weak. On any other day hearing him call me son would have filled me with pride, but today all words felt so hallow. That was my goal yesterday, for him to eventually think of me as a son, or at least a son-in-law. Today my goal was much more basic, don't die. The bones that had felt so strong and lively just a few short hours ago were now nothing more than noodles. I felt helpless and silly for doing it but I rested my head on Charlie's shoulder and wrapped my arm around his back. He wrapped his arm around me and I put nearly all of my weight on him. He almost carried me through the front doors of the hospital. I never knew such a quiet and stern man could be so compassionate.

As we stumbled through the entrance, Charlie sat me down in the waiting area. The wooden bench was hard and cold. I was too weak to keep my eyes open, so I was surprised when I felt another hand on my arm. It wasn't Charlie's strong, rough grip but someone else's. The hand was tiny and bone chillingly cold but somehow still soft and feminine. Then a new cheerful voice rang in my ears, "Hi Mr. Masen, I'm Nurse Alice. I'm going to need you to try to stand up so we can put on you this gurney." Something was so peculiar about her voice. It was beautiful and high like the tinkling of bells. I opened my eyes to see a gentle smiling young woman. Her beauty was unique and striking. Her skin was ghostly pale, but not in the same sickly sallow way that my father had looked last night. Her skin was luminous and her dark hair was cropped short out of her face. She looked like I had imagined the fairies of Neverland when I read _Peter Pan, _as a child. Her tiny frame appeared to be weak but when she took my arm she lifted me right out of my seat. I couldn't believe her hidden strength.

I don't know if it was the shock of her unseen power, or maybe my illness had made me delusional but the only words I could muster were, "Do you know Peter Pan?"

She giggled and replied, "Well Mr. Masen, you're the first patient I've seen to get the influenza and not lose their sense of humor. Please just lay down here and I'll take you to a room." She placed her hand on my back and guided me down to the flat pillow on the top of the gurney. When I was situated, she walked around and stood behind my head. Putting her hands on the metal rails, she pushed. "Now then, off we go." The bed began to roll under me and I closed my eyes.

I was awoken from my hazy slumber by the foulest most pungent odor that had ever infested my nostrils coupled with the longing groans of human misery. The stench of vomit, urine and excrement hung heavy in the air. I had to fight to suppress my gag reflex. Then I made a poor decision, I opened my eyes. The scene around me was far worse than my dull senses had led me to believe. The room was large, with many windows and extremely crowded. Despite the generous afternoon sunlight that filled the room, the atmosphere was dismal. Every wall was lined with squeaky metal beds. The mattresses were uncomfortably thin and covered with what were once white linens. The walls were the most depressing white cinderblocks. And the people… men, women and children all together with the most bleak, hopeless looks on their faces. Some were sleeping, others were trembling violently with chills, and a few children were sobbing in pain. Deep chesty coughs, groans of agony and harsh gagging meant that there was never a peaceful silence.

Then I heard a sound I recognized, I turned my head to my left and saw my mother. She was weakly thrashing in her sleep in the bed next to mine. "Mom," I whispered softly. But another voice interrupted me and it wasn't my sick mother's. The nurse was suddenly by my side stroking my forehead lightly.

"Ssshhh.. Mr. Masen, you need to rest. Please don't strain yourself by trying to talk. I know this isn't pleasant just try to think to happy thoughts." I nodded but happy thoughts weren't going to ease my worries.

I pleaded with her, "Nurse, please can you do something for my mother. She looks like she's in a lot of pain."

She smiled as if to reassure me, "Call me Alice please. I'll get my father to see Mrs. Masen now."

The response puzzled me; I furrowed my eyebrows at her. "Your father?"

"Yes my father, he's the doctor here." She patted my shoulder with her cold hand; it gave me chills. She was so kind, yet her touch gave me the most uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach. Then she was gone. Alice moved so quickly and gracefully; her white skirt didn't even flutter behind her. I don't know if my illness caused me to imagine things, or if she really was as strange as she seemed. I tried to shake off my uneasy feeling; she was just a nurse.

I breathed a heavy sigh and pulled the blanket over my head. I tried to think encouraging thoughts. Pull yourself together Edward, your parents need you to be strong. ….Parents? A feeling of sudden dread overtook my body. My chest suddenly felt tight and my breathing became erratic. My mother was beside me but where was my father? Was he in the car? Did Charlie carry him out of the house too? I couldn't remember. My eyes had been closed and my thoughts were clouded and obscure. I pulled the blanket off my head and looked at the sea of miserable faces that surrounded me. Nothing. He wasn't here. Was he in a different room? Did he feel better and stay at home? Was he d…? No! I refused to think that.

"She's right over there Carlisle." The peculiar voice made of tinkling bells returned. I twisted my head around to see who she was talking to. Alice was pointing at my mother and a man followed behind her. I wasn't sure that he was her father. Their milky white skin tones matched exactly, but other than that they had no similar physical characteristics. The man was tall and dressed in a long white lab coat. He was slim but still quite muscular, nothing like the nurse's wiry frame. His blonde hair stood in stark contrast to Alice's dark bob. The man's eyes were the shade of coal, and her eyes were a peculiar golden honey hue. Maybe they weren't related after all, she didn't even call him father.

The man smiled at my mother and placed his hand on her arm, "Hello Mrs. Masen, I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen." She awoke suddenly from her troubled slumber and turned her head so she could look him in the eye. "I've brought something to help you sleep better, Mrs. Masen." My mother shook her weak head at him.

"Where's Edward?" Her trembling voice could barely produce audible words.

Alice's light soothing tone interjected, "He's right over there, Mrs. Masen. Edward is resting now." I quickly closed my eyes and tried to look relaxed so I wouldn't worry my mother. I felt her staring at me and was somehow comforted by her semi alert presence.

Then she began to plead, "Doctor, please, I don't care what happens to me. I don't care if I live another hour or another fifty years; but please, please make sure my son survives. He's got his whole life ahead of him. Doctor, he's just a boy, and he's in love. I promised her that he would live… and I never tell a lie." He voiced trailed off into a quiet nothing. Her petition had exhausted her feeble body. She just laid there breathing heavily and staring at Dr. Cullen with an earnest expression on her face.

He just stood there for a long looking into her eyes as if he were carefully contemplating his answer. Then in a stern but sincere voice he responded, "Mrs. Masen, I promise that I will do everything in my power to insure that Edward survives." She gave him a weak nod and closed her eyes.

I hated hearing my mother talk like that; it absolutely broke my heart. As if asking the doctor to give her less attention would help them save me. Then asking for that kind of silly promise. Who did she think this man was? Dr. Cullen was just that, a doctor. He was an admittedly strange looking doctor but that didn't change anything. He couldn't do anything more for me than he could for her or any other patient in this God forsaken hospital.

Alice then pushed a silvery metal cart into the room and stopped it beside him. There was blue paper on top and a large syringe. "Here Mrs. Masen, this will help you rest." He proceed to lift my mother's sleeve and pierce her delicate flesh with the needle. She winced at the pain. Tiny drops of blood began to run down her arm. I quickly turned my head; I hated the sight of blood. Alice wiped the blood away and bandaged her arm.

Then he noticed me, "You must be Edward." He smiled genuinely in my direction.

I managed a weak, "Yes sir." and a nod.

He walked over beside my bed and continued the friendly conversation. "Hi Edward, I'm Dr. Cullen. Is there anything I or Alice can get to make you more comfortable. How are you sleeping? Would you like a sedative?"

Oh my, a sedative that sounded wonderful. Finally an escape from this dismal scene. I shook my head yes at the doctor. "Great, I'll have Alice bring a shot." My expression must have become grim because he chuckled lightly and said, "Come now Mr. Masen, a strapping young man like yourself isn't afraid of needles." Alice returned quickly with the same metal cart and a new syringe.

She smiled at the doctor and signaled with her hand for him to leave. "I'll handle it Carlisle."

He grinned at her, "Be careful, he doesn't like needles."

She giggled softly, "Oh Mr. Masen, don't think of it as a shot. Think of it as a roundtrip ticket to Neverland."

I snorted weakly at her joke and suddenly felt stupid for the comment I had made earlier. I responded feebly, "It's not the shot I don't like."

"What is it then?" She asked.

"I don't like blood."

She sniggered loudly as if she knew a joke that I wasn't in on. "You'll be fine. Just turn your head, and you won't have to see anything."

"Thank you." I complied and felt her cold hand on my arm. Then the sharp needle penetrated my skin. The pain was light and I didn't turn my head until I felt the bandage being wrapped around my arm. Alice laid the syringe on her cart. She picked up my blanket and laid it over my shoulder.

She smiled, leaned her face down next to my ear and in a soft, caring voice whispered, "Sleep Edward." I breathed a heavy sigh and fell into a deep restful slumber.

Little did Alice know, I did go to an enchanted land that night, or maybe a little bit of magic came to me. Either way, an angel visited me while I slept. I was lost in a deep dreamless sleep, when I felt a soft warm hand on my wrist. I slowly opened my eyes; my vision was hazy. The room was dark except for the dim light from the hall that streaked through the cracked door. The scent of lavender suddenly filled the air. Someone was standing over me. There was a scarlet scarf that hid her nose and mouth. She appeared to be wearing a black dress with silver buttons. Her hair was long with beautiful brown curls. It was too dark to see the color of her eyes, but I could tell she was beautiful. The faint light from the door surrounded her small silhouette, and she appeared to glow. Her touch was so soothing. She caressed my arm with her fingertips moving up progressively. Her hand reached my shoulder and she began to massage deep into my skin. I groaned quietly; the flu had made my body so stiff and sore. Then she touched my face, lightly stroking my cheek with the back of her hand. Suddenly she placed her palm directly on my clammy cheek. I nuzzled into her hand, basking in her warmth. She softly moved one finger across my lip and the heat turned into electricity. I moaned lightly, and suddenly it hit me. "Bella?"

Then the comforting voice of my angel answered my question, "Yes Edward it's me. I snuck out; I had to see you. I was so worried."

I whispered in a low gravelly voice "I love you Bella." I couldn't see her expression but I know she smiled.

"I love you too Edward, but you shouldn't strain your voice. Just rest, I won't leave until you fall asleep again, I promise. We shouldn't speak anyway. The doctor might hear and us and make me leave. You aren't supposed to have visitors in here." She began stroking my cheek again. Then she firmly ran her fingers through my hair, the way she did when she kissed me passionately. Her relaxing strokes seemed to ease every worry, care and pain I had. Sadly, our beautiful moment was quickly interrupted.

"Miss," a stern, nearly angry voice called from the other side of the door.

Bella lifted her hand from my face and began to walk away slowly. She whispered, "Good Night Edward, I love you" and made her way to the door.

"Do you understand what you've just done? You're risking your life by going into that room!" It was Dr. Cullen; he was shouting at her. "I'm glad to see you at least covered your face. Now please go to the restroom and wash your hands and any other skin that was exposed in the influenza ward."

"Yes sir, I apologize." She replied in a smug tone. After a few minutes she returned, I assume after visiting the wash room.

"I'm sorry for being so rude miss, but you must understand it's simply not safe for you to be in there. Who was so important that you were willing to risk your life anyway? Your mother or father?" He inquired in a puzzled tone.

"Edward Masen."

"Well you better get home Miss, it's quite late and I would imagine someone is worrying about you."

"Yes sir." She quietly replied and I didn't hear my angel anymore that night. I was still relaxed from her soothing touch and the sedative hadn't completely run it's course. Despite my tiredness at that moment I felt more alive than I had all day. Seeing Bella had given me a renewed determination to fight this illness. That's why my day had been so excruciatingly bleak, I allowed my thoughts to be plagued with worry and doubt. I never let my mind wander to my place of solace. I didn't imagine her warm touch, her electric kiss or the feeling of her soft body pressed tightly to mine. From now on, that's how I would survive. When things looked the worst, I would just close my eyes and we'd be together. She'd be in my arms on that park bench, rays of sunshine dancing off her chestnut locks. The scent of lavender would drown out the putrid hospital odors. Even if she couldn't be here, she'd help me escape this prison. As long as I had Bella, I'd always have something to look forward to… someone to make me happy…something to live for.

**A/N:** *Sigh* Love! I think the sap is dripping off my computer, but I really love the sweet stuff lol. I don't quite know how Peter Pan made it into the story but we'll chalk it up to a cute allusion. Please Review!


	4. Chapter 4: Gone

**Place of the Lost**

A/N: Get out the tissues, it's gonna be a long night.

_Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Chapter 4: Gone**

EPOV

I must have slept late the next morning because I was awoken by intense rays of sunshine streaming through the large windows. The bright light hurt my weary eyes. It would have been a beautiful day, if I had been anywhere but in the hospital. Sunshine lost its luster when all it did was reflect off white cinderblocks and illuminate miserable faces. I longed to be with my Bella, my mysterious angel of the night. Despite the immense risk she had taken to visit me, I couldn't help but smile at the thought of her caressing my cheek. She knew how dangerous it was, but she hadn't cared. I should have been kicking myself for not asking her to leave immediately, but every moment with her just felt so good. Deep down I felt like I was taking advantage of her selflessness, but God I needed that girl…now more than ever.

A strange voice suddenly interrupted my thoughts, "Good Morning Mr. Masen, I'm glad to see you got a good night's sleep." I turned my body towards the voice. It was a young woman with long black hair and skin the color of caramel. She wore a white dress and stockings. Her nose and mouth were covered with a white medical mask and she wore tiny glasses. "I'm nurse, Weber. Is there anything I can get for you this morning." I couldn't tell if she was smiling behind her mask but her voice sounded kind.

"May I have a glass of water." I responded in a crackly voice. My throat was painfully dry.

"Of course, I'll be right back." She crossed her arms over her chest and turned to walk out the door. I settled back down into my bed, and pulled the covers over my shoulders. I tried to relax and close my eyes, but she was taking forever. Apparently my hoarse voice wasn't enough to indicate how parched I was. My lips were dry and chapped and my throat was on fire. Finally I heard footsteps at the door. Nurse Weber was walking towards me holding a glass of water. I reached out my hand to take it from her, but instead she took a metal cart from the middle of the room and sat the glass on top of it. She rolled the cart beside my bed. She never got any closer to me than absolutely necessary. It made me uncomfortable, like there was something horribly wrong with me. I guess there was, but I was still human. "There you are Mr. Masen." She turned and nearly ran for the door.

"Thank you." I could barely reply before she was out of the room. I reached my weak arm out and gripped the glass tightly. I drank several large gulps of water; I could feel my Adam's apple bobbing up and down. I sat the glass back on the cart. After a half glass of water, a familiar feeling hit my tired body. I really had to piss! I looked around, there were no nurses or doctors in the room. I was going to have to get up on my own. The bathroom was ten paces away, I could make it. I swung my legs around to the side of the bed. They didn't feel like legs, more like twenty pounds of sand. I groaned and sat up slowly. I saw the cart still sitting there and I placed my hand on the cold metal. I leaned forward putting all my weight on the cart and tried to stand up. Suddenly my legs buckled underneath my weight and I fell to the ground taking the cart with me. The metal made a thunderous clatter as it crashed to the ground. The water glass shattered on the hard beige tile that covered the floor. The whole room reacted with moans and groans. Nurse Weber sprinted through the door to see what had happened. I just laid there on the cold floor, red faced, my head hung in humiliation.

"Mr. Masen!" she screamed in a terrified voice. "Are you okay? What are you doing out of bed?"

I couldn't look her in the eye, "I had to go to the bathroom." I replied in a muted tone.

"Oh, do you still have to go?" she asked indignantly. This woman was going to make me angry. I had the flu; I wasn't incontinent.

"Yes." I said in the angriest tone I could muster.

"I'll get the doctor to help you." She turned and jogged out of the room. I sighed in relief, at least I could avoid the mortifying experience of having a female escort me to the toilet. I would be more comfortable with Dr. Cullen. I was surprised when a different doctor walked through the door. He was a short round man with pinkish red skin and a shiny bald head. I couldn't see his whole face because he too was wearing a white medical mask.

"I'm Dr. Yorkie, but they'll be time for introductions later. Let's get you off the floor." He reached his arm down to me and I grabbed on. It took all of his strength to lift me up. He was weaker than Alice, I snickered internally at that surprising realization. He put his arm around my back and I stood up straight. I looked around the room and caught a quick glimpse of my mother. Her face was now a sallow shade of green and her bronze hair was twisted and tangled. She was sleeping deeply, not even the loud clash had disturbed her. She had missed the entire ordeal. I didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. Dr. Yorkie guided me through all ten steps to the bathroom, and all ten back to the bed. He sat me down on the thin mattress and continue the conversation we didn't get the chance to have earlier. Despite the close proximity we shared earlier, he stepped far away to speak to me. "How are you feeling Mr. Mason, any better?" He asked in a curious tone.

"Physically I feel worse but mentally, I'm doing much better." I smirked at the thought of what had rapidly enhanced my mood .

"Oh really." He looked puzzled. "And to what do you owe this sudden improvement in your psychological health?"

"I had a visitor." I replied in a smug tone.

His voice took on a note of concern. "Oh yes, Dr. Cullen told me about that. Let's just hope she doesn't get sick."

His comment made me feel shameful. I knew Bella shouldn't be here; it just wasn't safe. I tried to change the subject. "Where is Dr. Cullen today?"

"He and Alice normally work the evening shift. They had to come in early yesterday because of the influx of flu patients. It's so strange though, when they came in yesterday afternoon their entire faces were covered. Carlisle said it was so they could avoid getting sick. But then when they walked into the flu ward they didn't wear any sort of mask." I could sense that this had been eating at him for some time, and that he was only telling me these things because it would be unprofessional for him to talk to his coworkers about it. He just looked out the window, utterly bewildered. I didn't exactly know how to respond.

I shrugged my shoulders, "Well, those masks are uncomfortable."

He chuckled, "That is true and they probably aren't fashionable enough for Alice." I smiled at him and he started to back away. "It was nice chatting with you Mr. Masen, but I must get back to work." I just nodded and he walked away.

When I was safely lying down again, Nurse Weber returned to clean up my massacre. She sat the cart right side up again and pushed it into the corner. She swept up the glass and toweled the floor dry. In a low voice, I said "I'm sorry nurse."

"It's all right Mr. Masen, but please remember if you need help, ask!." Her tone was slightly harsh.

I hung my head a little, "Yes ma'm."

"Get some rest Mr. Masen." I could tell by her eyes that she was smirking. Then Nurse Weber left the room and I felt alone and utterly exhausted after falling and talking for so long. I nestled into my bed and pulled the blanket over my chest. I closed my eyes and waited for sleep to come. I tossed and turned trying to get comfortable but my body ached from the illness. Finally I was too tired to fight the pain and a stressed slumber crept over my body.

"Edward…Edward…" the bells were back. Alice's soft chiming voice filled my ears. I woke up feeling more tired and achy than when I had fallen asleep. I must have rested for quite some time, because the bright sunshine that had filled the room earlier had melted into a gray twilight. She spoke in a smug tone, "Apparently someone thinks hospital food isn't good enough for you. Your mysterious night visitor has brought you a gift." I perked up at her reference to Bella. "She wanted to deliver it herself, but Carlisle wouldn't let her in here again. Do you want some chicken soup?" At that point one word came to mind…selfless.

"Yes, please I'd love some soup." Honestly, nothing sounded particularly appetizing, but the fact that Bella cooked it herself made me want to try some.

"You can have two portions if you like." Alice answered. "She brought enough for your mother too, but it doesn't look like Mrs. Masen is in the mood for anything." She was right, my mother looked absolutely atrocious, even worse than she had a few hours ago.

"One will be fine, thank you. My mother might want it later." Alice forced a smile then walked away to get my soup. She returned a few minutes later with a bowl in one hand and a bucket in the other.

"Here you are Mr. Mason." She handed me the warm bowl and a spoon from her pocket; then placed the bucket on the floor by my bed.

"What's the bucket for?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

She chuckled, "So I don't have to mop later."

"I'll be careful then." I dipped the spoon into the warm soup. I brought it to my mouth but my hand was shaky. I spilt some, staining my white t-shirt. The warm spoon hit my tongue. Mmmm, the hot soup felt so good running down my scratchy throat. Four spoonfuls was all my weak stomach would take. I could barely put the bowl down in time to reach for the bucket. Strong gags caused me to surrender my dinner to the bucket. It hurt my throat so badly. Dr. Cullen was soon by my side making sure I was all right. I assured him that I was okay. There were people in here who were in much worse condition than me, like my mother.

"Dr. Cullen, how is my mother?" I asked in a concerned tone.

His eyes shifted to stare at her, "Mrs. Masen is…" he paused for a long time.

I tired to sound stern, "Spit it out Cullen!" His silence was making me angry. "I can take the truth."

His expression was distressed, "She doesn't have long." He hung his head down, refusing to look me in the eye. I wanted to be strong. I didn't want to let my emotions show but I couldn't help it. My tears betrayed me. Big drops came streaming down my face, and the strangest thing happened. I felt strong cold arms wrapped around me.

"Careful." I barely managed to speak through my sobs.

"I'll be fine Edward but I think you should say goodbye." I nodded my head and he stood up. Placing his arm around me Carlisle lifted my weak frame out of the bed. He was much stronger than Dr. Yorkie. He guided me to my mother's bedside. I stood over her, she was unconscious.

I tried desperately to hold back my tears, my voice was cracking with emotion. "Mom, I know you can't hear me right now but I just wanted you to know that I love you." That was all I could muster, the sobs came hard and I leaned into Carlisle. He hugged me tightly to his cold body. Then he finally guided me back to my bed and I laid down.

He looked knowingly into my eyes. "I know it's hard. I had to say goodbye to my mother too. It's like losing a piece of your soul, but I promise it gets better with time"

"I don't have time."

He smiled at me, "Trust me Edward, if there is one thing you do have, it's time. I'll get something to help you rest. This stress isn't good for you." He shouted for his daughter, "Alice, bring Edward a sedative." It wasn't a minute before the fairy was back with her cart and syringe.

She grinned at me, "You know if I give you this, you'll be too tired to accept visitors." I faked a smile and turned my head. She pierced my aching flesh with the needle. "You should be able to sleep now." I was afraid to sleep, afraid that when I woke up she'd be dead. The pain of saying goodbye to her was unbearable. She was the one who held me, who took care of me and who loved me. I couldn't just let her go, but my extreme swing of emotions had exhausted me. I felt so helpless, so useless. I wanted to help her to make it all go away, like she had done for me so many times before. I would never be able to repay her for all she had done. My breathing was so heavy and burdened. My mind felt like I couldn't take it anymore. I had to rest.

I turned back around to Alice with a miserable look on my face. I had an embarrassing request. My emotions had gotten the best of me, and I just couldn't stand to be alone. "Alice"

"Yes"

"Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?"

I was surprised to see her eyes light up. "Of course, Edward." She took her finger and wiped the tears from my face. Her cold touch gave me chills. Then she walked over to the corner and grabbed a brown folding chair that rested against the wall. She carried it across the room and situated it at my bedside. Alice sat down and then reached her hand towards me. She took my hand into her icy grip and held it tight. Despite the cold, there was something comforting about having her there. All the uneasiness I had felt around her before had now subsided. It didn't compare to my mother, and it didn't compare to Bella. It was different but still nice like a sister yes… just like a sister. Holding Alice's hand, I fell into a troubled sleep.

It was still dark when I woke up. The clanging of metal disturbed my slumber. I opened my eyes and the room was dim like the night before, but my angel wasn't there. Instead, I saw Dr. Cullen pushing a gurney out the door. I turned to look at my mother's bed, but it was empty. A flood of emotions attacked my relaxed psyche. Not even the powerful sedative could help me now. A loud sob escaped from my throat and tears poured from my tired eyes. Alice rushed to my side.

"Edward, I'm so sorry." Her voice was sincere. She wrapped her cold arms around me and let me sob into her tiny shoulder. The coolness of her body helped me to regain some composure, but I was just so devastated. This couldn't be real. She couldn't be gone. She was fine just a couple of days ago. This was all a horrible nightmare and soon I would wake up back in my room. I had the most horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Bucket." I cried. She lifted it off the floor and put it into my arms. Whatever was left of the soup, was now gone. I gagged and gagged but couldn't get rid of the emotions, the pain. It crashed into me, like being hit by a train. The grief was crippling. "I hope I die."

She replied worriedly, "No Edward, you can't say that."

"Why not? What do I have to live for!" I shouted, stirring the moans and groans of the other patients.

"The night angel." She whispered it reverently.

"How did you know about that?" I felt like she had invaded my most private thoughts.

"You talked about her in your sleep. You love her. I know this is hard, but not everything is gone. You can't give up Edward." She was right. My mother was gone, but my Bella was still here. I couldn't give up, but I didn't know how to fight back either. I was feeling weaker by the minute. The sickness and the grief were slowly eating away at every bit of vitality I had left. It was just too much to deal with at once.

"Alice, will you do me a favor?" I sobbed.

"Yes Edward, anything."

"Go see Bella tomorrow, and tell her about my mother. Tell her I love her and I miss her. Thank her for the soup and for visiting me." I suddenly started to cry again.

"I will." I gave her the address as she continued to embrace me. I was bone chillingly cold but I was so afraid for her to let go. It felt as though she was the only thing holding me together; if she released me my soul might rip in two. She didn't let go, she stayed perfectly still until the first rays of the morning sun began to fight it's way through the darkness. It didn't even feel like she was breathing. She just held me there like a helpless, broken child. "I have to go now Edward, but I'll be back this evening. You should try to rest. Half of a night without sleep really isn't good for you. Please try not to worry; I promise everything will work out in the end."

**A/N: **This one made me cry, but really I blame it on Stephenie Meyer. This whole first part of the story, pretty much all her idea lol. Thanks for reading! Please Review!


	5. Chapter 5: The Visitor

**Place of the Lost**

A/N: The angst continues…

_Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Chapter 5: The Visitor **

BPOV

Last night was terrible. I couldn't have slept for more than two hours. I tossed and turned and never found a comfortable position. It didn't matter which side I laid on, if my legs were stretched out or pulled tight to my chest, or if one pillow or two held my weary head; sleep just wouldn't come. My blue lacey night gown felt itchy against my skin, and the sheets tangled around my legs. The blanket was making me sweat so I ripped it off and threw it on the floor. Then the breeze from the open window gave me a chill. Unfortunately none of those things kept me wake.

My mind wouldn't let me rest; I was worried about Edward. I wanted to sneak out again; and go to the hospital to make sure he was all right. It hurt me so deeply to see him in that bed so frail, so helpless. The night before last I had stood over his sleeping body for a long time, until the temptation became too much. Even though it wasn't safe, I had to touch him. Honestly at that moment I couldn't have cared less about my own wellbeing. Edward needed to know that someone was still here, someone still cared about him.

I reached my hand out and lightly caressed his wrist. His skin was so clammy, but my heart still fluttered when we touched. I massaged my way up his arm, trying to soothe his aching body. I wanted to move slowly and savor the moment. I didn't know when I'd be able to see him and touch him again. So I felt every tiny hair on his arm and rubbed deep into his strong muscles. Even the foul odor of the hospital couldn't drown out his delicious scent. He smelled fresh, like a green meadow after a spring rain. I leaned in and took a deep breath. Ahhh… it was divine. Then my hand found it's way to his face. I touched his cheek, but his handsome features were on fire. Edward had a raging fever. It made my stomach turn with anxiety. I was so hoping that he would feel better, but from what I could tell he was getting worse… that's why I couldn't sleep.

The emotions that had built up over the past few days were starting to cripple me. Charlie dragging Edward and his mother out of the house, his father dying, it was too much to deal with. On top of those painful memories, was fear. I was worried about him, what if he didn't survive? That was somewhere I couldn't allow my mind to go. I would drive myself crazy with what if's. I needed to pull myself together and deal with the here and now. I had to be strong, for Edward. This was going to be much harder on him. I tried as hard as I could to hide those feelings of dread away in the recesses of my mind. I wasn't ready to confront them head on. So I occupied myself with activities that I thought might help the situation, like planning covert night visits and making soup. But after I felt Edward's fiery forehead, none of these things worked anymore. The anxiety was taking over. I just sat on the edge of my bed watching my bare feet dangle above the hardwood floor… worrying.

Cracks of sunlight finally started to break through the dark clouds on the horizon. There was something so comforting about sunrise, especially after a tense, sleepless night. I put my feet on the cool floor and made my way to the bathroom. I pulled the chord and a single light bulb illuminated in the middle of the room. I saw my reflection in the mirror over the porcelain white sink. I looked terrible, my hair was a tangled mess. There were dark circles under my eyes, and my cheeks were red and puffy from crying into my pillow for hours last night. I thought taking a bath might help. So I stepped across the cold blue tile and turned the faucet on. The white bathtub was soon filled with steaming water. I shed my night gown and stepped one foot into the tub. Ahhh…the water felt so good. I pulled the other leg over the side of the tub and sat down. I took a washcloth and a bar of soap and created a lather in my hands. I washed and rinsed my face then shampooed my hair. I had to fight through the tangles. When I was done washing, I couldn't bring myself to get out. It was the most relaxed I had been all night. The warm water, and the dim sunlight peaking through the window; I had to close my eyes…

My peaceful slumber was disturbed by a loud rumble of thunder. I didn't know how long I had slept, but my fingers looked like wrinkly prunes. The sunshine that filled the window earlier had morphed into dark angry clouds. I removed the rubber plug from the drain and reached for a towel. I was so cold, my skin had goosebumps. I wrapped myself in the fluffy beige towel and made a trail of wet footprints back to my room. I listened to the sound of the torrential rainfall while fingering through my closet for something to wear. I decided on a chocolate brown blouse and white skirt. I tied my wet hair up in the towel. While searching for some appropriate shoes, I heard a loud thud on the door.

"Bella" my father called.

"I'm coming Dad. Breakfast will be on the table in a half hour, I promise." Or at least I hoped it would, because I was starving.

"No, you have a visitor" he replied in a confused voice. Who could be here at this hour? It was barely 8:30 a.m., and it was pouring the rain. I desperately wanted it to be Edward, but I wouldn't let myself hope for such foolish things.

"Oh, who is it?" I asked, my curiosity was growing by the second.

"It's the nurse from the hospital, she said her name was Alice." Charlie still seemed confused, but I knew what this was about now. She probably wanted her red scarf back. So I picked up the gauzy fabric and made my way down the stairs. There she was, sitting on the couch making small talk with Charlie. I tucked the scarf in the back pocket of my skirt so Charlie wouldn't ask questions. "I'll let you two speak in private, it was nice meeting you Alice." My father smiled and got up from his big leather chair, moving to the kitchen. I assumed he had given up on me making his breakfast, and decided to fend for himself.

She still had her white nurse's dress on and she wore a sad look on her face. Despite her gloomy expression, she was still beautiful. Her lithe frame, snow white skin and short black hair made her look like a movie star. If she wasn't so kind, I would have been jealous of all the time she was spending with Edward. "Good morning Alice."

She returned the greeting, "Good Morning Bella."

I smiled and pulled the scarf out of my pocket. "Thank you for your help the other night." I tried to hand it to her.

"Oh it was nothing, you can keep that if you like." Her high voice was full of sincerity but she was still very uneasy.

"No don't say that. What you did meant so much to me. I could have never slipped passed Dr. Cullen without your help and you lent me your scarf. Isn't that why you're here, to get the scarf back?" I asked earnestly but her expression was one of misery. That familiar dreadful feeling started to swell inside of me again.

She spoke slowly as if she was choosing her words carefully, "Bella I have something to tell you."

My negative emotions took over, large tears began to roll down my cheeks. "Is he okay?" I whimpered. She took my hand. Her skin was dreadfully cold but I was too devastated to care.

She continued in her careful tone, "It's not about him, it's Elizabeth." I know it was wrong but I felt so relieved when she said that name, like a huge weight had been lifted from my chest. Edward was okay. He was alive, and we still had the chance for a happy future together.

"What's wrong with her?" I asked in a calm tone.

She hung her head as if she was refusing to look me in the eye. "She didn't make it Bella." Alice gripped my hand tighter. My chest became tight and a sob escaped my from my lips. The emotions that I had bottled up were now spilling over. Mrs. Masen was a lovely woman; she had always been so kind to me. It wasn't fair that she had to die so young! It wasn't right, Edward deserved better. He still needed his parents, and they weren't there for him. How could this happen to such a wonderful person?

"It's not fair. He doesn't deserve this." I sobbed loudly. Alice released my hand and wrapped her arms around me. Then it hit me like the weight of the entire world was falling upon my shoulders. "He's next isn't he? There's no surviving the influenza. It kills everybody! His father, His mother, then Edward." I cried deeply into her shoulder, soaking her white dress in my tears. I heard Charlie's heavy footsteps clunk across the floor.

"What's wrong Bella?" His voice was tense and concerned.

Alice answered the question I couldn't, "Mrs. Masen passed away in her sleep last night."

"Oh no, poor Edward." he replied. It made me weep harder. He sat on the couch beside me and placed his hand on my back while Alice held me in her arms. We stayed in that position for the next hour, until I was out of tears. My body felt numb, like I had no emotions at all. My catharsis had left me feeling blank. I lifted my head from Alice's shoulder and wiped my eyes. I wanted to take advantage of this state and do something productive.

"I need to do something for him." I said in a broken, crackly voice. I couldn't be with him and hold him and tell him I loved him but I could make his trip home easier.

"What would you like to do dear?" Charlie asked in a caring tone.

"I should clean their house. I don't want Edward to have to come home to a mess." He didn't need any reminders of what had happened. His memories would be enough to haunt him for ten thousand lifetimes. I would have never been able to do this last night, but my sudden lack of emotions made me feel strong.

Charlie interjected, "Their house is probably locked Bella."

"I know where they keep the spare key." My tone was detached.

Alice's kind voice filled my ears, she had been silent for a long time. It was like she always knew just the right time to speak. "Would you like some company or would you rather go alone?"

I was stunned by her relentless compassion. "If you don't mind, I would enjoy the company."

She smiled, "Of course Bella, we're friends now." That was so very true. Alice was quickly becoming my best friend. She was a stranger a few days ago, and now she was bending over backwards to help me.

"I want to go now." I said in an overly forceful tone.

Charlie interrupted, "Wouldn't you and Alice like some breakfast before you go?"

Alice replied first, "No thank you, I don't have much of an appetite this morning."

"Me either." I agree. I had lost my appetite with my emotions and I was dreadfully tired of being idle. I needed to do something, be useful. I looked out the window behind the couch, it was still pouring the rain. "I need to get an umbrella and my rain boots, then we'll go." Alice nodded and stood up. I practically sprinted up the stairs, and ran into my room at the end of the hall. I threw open the closet door, got on my knees and began digging through my meager shoe collection on the floor of my closet. I finally pulled out my black rain boots and slid them onto my feet. I made my way down the stairs and Alice was standing by the door holding the umbrella.

"Ready?" she asked.

"Yes, let's go swimming." I smirked and she giggled. I opened the door and we stepped outside, popping the umbrella open and stepping into the rain. We walked in a somber silence, I felt like we were part of a funeral precession. Neither of us spoke until we reached Edward's stoop. "This is it." I uttered in a quiet voice. Then I bent down and lifted the welcome mat, where Mrs. Masen kept the spare key. I picked up the cold, wet piece of middle and slid it into the hole in the doorknob. I had to shake it and push on the door, but it finally opened. Alice closed the umbrella and shook off the excess water. We walked in and I flipped the light switch on.

The house still smelled of sickness. "Leave the door open, we need some fresh air in here." Alice complied and we just stood there, trying to form some sort of plan.

"What do you want to do first?" She asked.

"Hmm… let's sweep and dust the living room and kitchen first. Then we'll mop and I'll clean Edward's room." Housework never sounded so good. I knew he would appreciate our effort, and I wanted more than anything to help him. I went to the broom closet and pulled out the necessary utensils. I tossed Alice a feather duster and I grabbed the broom. "Let's get started." She nodded and got to work.

I began sweeping the kitchen. I was meticulous, making tiny strokes with the broom across the brown and white checked linoleum floor. I got lost in the pattern and my thoughts wandered to Elizabeth. I bet she'd swept this kitchen a million times. Maybe when Edward was a little boy and he ran inside with mud all over his shoes, or when she baked fresh bread and got crumbs all over the floor. I suddenly felt intrusive, like I was stealing someone else's job. Then I thought back to the last time I had spoken to her, just outside on the steps. I promised her if she didn't make it then I would take care of Edward. That's what I was doing, keeping my word…she would be proud.

"Bella, I think you're done." Alice interrupted my thoughts. "You've been around the kitchen about three times now. I'll get the dustpan." She walked back to the broom closet and returned with the yellow plastic pan. She held it steady on the floor and I swept the debris into it. She emptied it in the trashcan and returned to my side. "Why don't you go ahead and take care of Edward's room? I'll finish up down here."

I just nodded and turned to walk up the stairs. I hated leaving Alice with that much work but I needed to feel close to Edward. I climbed the stairs and walked past the master bedroom and the bathroom to his open door. The first thing I noticed was the open window; the rain was blowing in and soaking his bedside table. Even the green blanket on his bed was wet. Then I saw his clothes strewn all over the floor. First I closed the window and pulled the curtain shut. I found his hamper in the closet and began picking up the clothes and placing them inside. Once the floor was clear, I stripped the wet sheets and blanket off of his bed. I took one of his dirty shirts and tried to dry his bedside table and the floor around it. One of his books was ruined; he wouldn't be reading _Dracula_ when he got home.

I opened the drawer of his bedside table to make sure the water hadn't gotten in there. Everything seemed to be dry. It was just full of more books, pencils and a little black box that caught my eye. I knew it was wrong. I shouldn't go through Edward's things, it was an invasion of his privacy. But I was burning with curiosity; I had to see what was inside. I picked up the little box, black velvet on the outside. I placed it in my palm and stroked the soft fabric. Then I slowly raised the lid with my thumb. My eyes caught a glimpse of something silver and shiny. I couldn't help but get a little excited. I pushed the lid all the way open. It was a ring! I couldn't be sure, but it certainly looked like a diamond. The ring was made of a simple silver band with a square cut stone, that sparkled in the light. It was beautiful.

I didn't know what to do. Half of me felt like squealing and showing Alice the treasure I had found. This meant that Edward really planned on marrying me and proposing quite soon. However, the other half of me felt like crying because I didn't know if I'd ever get the chance to wear it. My numbness was quickly wearing off. The anxiety returned to the pit of my stomach. I took the ring out of the box and slid it on my finger, it was a perfect fit. Just like Edward and I, we were a perfect fit. But that didn't matter, it didn't mean that we were going to be together. The tears came again, they flowed harder than the steady rain on the roof top. I put the ring back in the box, put the box back in the drawer and closed it. It may be one day, but for now it wasn't mine…

**A/N**: Oh so bittersweet. Poor Bella, I hate putting her through all this lol. Please Review!


	6. Chapter 6: Water and Fire

**Place of the Lost**

A/N: This is a short one, but at least it's more exciting than sad.

_Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Chapter 6: Water and Fire**

EPOV

I didn't sleep at all that day; I didn't do much of anything. I just laid there and stared at my mother's empty bed. It was becoming harder to breathe and the chills came more frequently. My trembling was uncontrollable. My thoughts which had remained fairly clear during my stay in the hospital were now becoming hazy and muddled. I felt like I was sinking into a deep, murky, freezing pool. The water was filling my ears and making it difficult to hear. It made my eyes irritated and tired. It poured into my lungs and made my breathing heavy and labored. I tried desperately to cough the water from my lungs. But no matter how hard I wretched, or rubbed my eyes, or smacked the side of my head, the water wouldn't go. I couldn't fight my way to surface; the harder I tried the more exhausted I became. So I just sank, deeper and deeper.

Out of the corner of my weary eye, I saw someone in white moving towards me. Nurse Weber had avoided me all day, she had barely spoken to me when she came in this morning. I guess that meant she was angry at me for making a mess yesterday. Or maybe I was getting worse and she couldn't bare to look at me. I hoped it was the first option.

"Oh my Mr. Masen, you're shaking. I'll go get another blanket." Nurse Weber sounded slightly shocked. I was too weak to nod but she didn't wait for a response. She hurried out of the room and returned with another scratchy white blanket. She spread it out over my shivering form and tucked it under me. It didn't make a difference, the chills didn't stop. "Mr. Masen, I have to go soon. My shift is nearly over. Is there anything I can get you before I go?" I just starred at her, trembling. My tongue no longer formed words. My muscles wouldn't listen to my brain, when I wanted to nod my head at her. Nurse Weber got no response and she walked away with a grave look on her face.

The room was getting dim. The white cinderblocks were turning gray in the dusky evening light. It had stormed all day long, and the sun never did fill the room like it had yesterday. But this wasn't the dark of storm clouds, it was the dark of the approaching night. I could tell it was nearly time for Alice and Dr. Cullen to return. If I had had emotions at that moment, I would have been happy. She was supposed to visit Bella today, and I desperately wanted to know how she was. I wanted to know how she took the bad news, and if she was feeling okay since her visit.

My silent request was soon answered, the bells were back. "Good Evening Edward." She was surprisingly upbeat but still I couldn't respond. I watched her facial expression change from hopeful to dismayed as her gaze fell upon me. She gaped at my weary, trembling body. "Carlisle!" She shouted for Dr. Cullen at the top of her lungs.

The doctor was quickly by her side. "Edward's condition is progressing faster than I expected."

"All right then, I think it's time he gets his own room." His voice was deeply troubled with worry. I felt confused but I couldn't voice my concerns. Why did I have to leave? Where were they taking me?…Was I going away to die?

"I'll get the gurney." Alice replied. She fluttered out of the room.

Carlisle walked to the head of my bed and leaned over me. He whispered in my ear, "Edward, I know you're very ill at the moment and communication is difficult, but I have a very important question to ask you." He took my fingers in his icy palm. Squeeze my hand if you understand. I tried as hard as I could, and I managed to grip his hand weakly. "Very good." He replied with a smile. His voice suddenly turned dreadfully severe. "Listen carefully Edward." He paused for a long time. "Do you want to live? I mean more than anything else, do you want to live?" I expected the question to be more difficult than this. Of course, I wanted to live. There was still someone waiting for me outside this Godforsaken hell hole. I gripped his hand tighter this time, but my resolve didn't change his solemn expression. "Very well then, that's all I need to know."

At this point Alice came strolling back into the room pushing the metal gurney. They each walked to one side of my bed and untucked the sheet from the corners of the thin mattress. Each taking a side of the sheet, they lifted me with ease onto the gurney as if I weighed nothing. Once I was laying comfortably, Alice slid her hand under the back of my head and angled my neck upward. She pulled a medical mask from the pocket of her dress and tied it around my face, covering my nose and mouth. "Just a precaution, we'll be passing some very ill people that really don't need the influenza." Her voice was suddenly hopeful. She put her hands on the metal bars and proceeded to push me out of the room. The motion made my stomach turn, if I had had anything to eat in the last few hours I would have probably been sick. But I hadn't, so I just watched as Alice maneuvered me past doctors, nurses, desks, doors, and sad looking faces. She moved swiftly down the hall, but she was never out of control. When we reached the end of the corridor, she stopped. I thought we had reached our destination, but it was the elevator. She pushed me inside and pressed the lowest button on the wall. The button illuminated and we started our descent.

We finally stopped and the door opened. This part of the hospital, didn't look like anything I had ever seen. The floors and walls were all a grayish beige concrete and a thunderous sound rumbled from one of the rooms. Alice must have noticed my immediate apprehension because she began to speak in a soothing voice, "Calm down Edward, it's just the air conditioner." I heard someone's footsteps behind us, I turned my head slightly and saw Carlisle shuffling slowly with a troubled expression on his face. The gurney finally stopped at a wooden door that was located at the very end of the concrete corridor. Alice moved from behind me and opened the door.

The room was tiny with no widows. Every wall was lined with cluttered shelves filled with rags, cleaning products, buckets, brooms and disregarded medical files. A single light bulb hung down from the ceiling. It smelled of mothballs and bleach. Now I was confused, but my thoughts had become too foggy to try to form an explanation. I couldn't ask any questions.

Alice broke the long silence, "I'm sorry Edward, I know it's terrible down here but it'll all be over soon." her voice had a detectable hint of optimism. She picked up my head again and untied the medical mask, discarding it in the trash. "Carlisle, he needs to rest. Did you bring a sedative?"

"Yes." His one word reply reflected his obvious frustration with the situation. He pulled the empty syringe from his left pocket and a tiny vile from the right. He placed the needle in the top of the vile and filled it with the fluid. Dr. Cullen walked to my side and lifted my sleeve to my shoulder. I couldn't turn away this time, I was too weak. So I watched as he stabbed my aching flesh with the needle. Then tiny drops of blood started to pool around the injection site. Seeing the blood made me feel dizzy. He took a cotton swab and gently wiped the red away.

Alice leaned over the gurney and whispered in my ear, "Sleep now Edward, all the pain will go away soon." She took my hand and stroked my arm lovingly until a deep peaceful sleep overtook my weary body.

I was awoken by loud yelling. I stirred slightly but my body was racked with pain, so I tried not to move. I had to expend a great effort just to breathe. I had sunken deeper into the pool. Death was coming for me… sooner than I expected. I was too groggy to understand what was going on around me. I only heard broken bits and pieces of a frantic conversation.

"Do it Carlisle!" Alice shouted at her father.

"I don't know if it's what's best for him, Alice. What if he doesn't want this?" His voice was shaking with worry.

"He said he wanted to live didn't he. This is his only option. I've seen it, it's meant to happen. You promised her Carlisle… you promised Elizabeth. This is the only way you can keep your word."

"Maybe we should wait just one more day." He replied in a thoughtful tone.

"Tomorrow will be too late. It's now or never Carlisle." Her tone was grave.

Then someone was by my side, hovering by my head. I felt a strong icy hand on my cheek. He pushed my head to the side revealing my neck. Then he leaned closer and his icy teeth pierced my delicate flesh.

All of a sudden, the water was gone; the murky pool was dried up by an intense blazing fire. This must be death. It wasn't as peaceful as I had expected. Or was I already dead? Had I already drowned in the pool, and the flames of hell were ready to consume my body? My blood was gasoline and the blaze chased it through my body. The fire was spreading, the excruciating burning sensation attacked my shoulders, my arms. It was blazing through my veins, it torched my muscles. I writhed in agony, causing the gurney to roll across the floor.

Dr. Cullen's voice broke through the flames as if he were yelling into a burning building. "Edward, it's okay. It'll all be over soon." I couldn't believe I was still alive. He took my hand, but not even his cool touch could ease the fire. It reached my elbows, scorching my joints. Sweat was dripping from my brow, soaking the pillow underneath me. The pain was unbearable. I knew I was going to die, it was impossible to live through this much misery.

The inferno consumed my hands, my fingers. They twitched and jerked as they were conquered. The entire right side of my torso was now ablaze. Then the flames started lapping at my chest, causing my heart to pound erratically. This was it, death was here. My heart was going to stop in a matter of moments.

It's true what they say, that right before you die your entire life flashes before your eyes. I saw my mother and my father playing with me in the backyard when I was a boy. I saw my fifth birthday party, and the rocking horse my father had made for me. Glimpses of my childhood and the pretty little girl with brown curls and mud on her skirt flooded my troubled mind. Then we were sitting in the park, just a few days ago. Lavender in the air as the sun set over the horizon.

The sunset suddenly brightened and turned to furious flames that burnt down my beautiful memory. My heart raced, fear and anxiety took over my body as the blaze expanded inside my chest. It boiled the water in my lungs to a sizzling steam. Then my heart gave way to the flames. With two irregular final thunderous beats, my heart was conquered.

I was shocked, I couldn't feel my heart beating anymore, but I was still alive. The flames had not subsided. They seared my stomach, making my organs wrench in agony. They overtook both legs at the same time. I jerked in protest but the fire was relentless. It blazed all the way to the tips of my toes, infesting every capillary, every vein, every tiny blood vessel.

Then the fire moved up, the flames engulfed my throat. They scorched my lips like the desert sun, burning my nose. The fire entered my weak and irritated eyes. The pain was unimaginable; it scorched my retinas and made my vision go immediately black. Suddenly my throat that had been too weak to speak all day, erupted in a groan of agony.

The flames consumed my ears and were licking at my brain. They slowly overwhelmed every tiny cell of my mind. I lost all control of my movements, everything was completely silent. My entire body was engulfed in the blazing inferno and darkness reigned…

**A/N**: Oh my, what will happen to our dear Edward? Hope you enjoy! Please review!


	7. Chapter 7: The Revelation

**Place of the Lost**

A/N: This story is turning out to be much longer than I expected. I thought I'd be to the meat of the story by chapter 7, but we're just getting started. This one is a little intense; our Edward has it rough. Thanks for the reviews!

_Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Chapter 7: The Revelation**

EPOV

My eyes slowly opened; my vision was sharp and clear. It was as if I had been looking through a foggy veil for my entire life, and it wasn't until that moment that I was really able to see. The room looked different through these new eyes. I could distinguish every rocky grain in the gray concrete wall. The cluttered shelves were no longer overwhelming. I could read the tiniest print on every label, detect every subtle difference in the color of the faded rags. I noticed each miniscule speck of dust on the wooden shelves.

Then I breathed in for the first time. My sense of smell was much sharper than I remembered. The room no longer smelled of just mothballs and bleach but it smelled of mothballs, bleach, mildew, rust, ammonia, disinfectant, cotton balls, alcohol… I could go on forever. Every scent was distinct but also part of the whole.

I finally felt better with one excruciating exception my throat still burned with the fire that had engulfed me last night. But my body was strong again, even more powerful than it was before the flu. My legs felt like I could run for miles and never get tired. My arms were ready to climb mountains. My thoughts were crystal clear. A million things raced through my mind at once and I could interpret them all in perfect clarity.

It was amazing, I felt so relieved. For the first time in days, optimism didn't seem foolish. I didn't know how he did it, but Dr. Cullen was a miracle worker. I had to thank him. I sat up on the gurney and looked around. He was standing behind me in the doorway, slightly leaning against the frame. His blonde hair was slicked back, and his pale skin sparkled in a way that I had never noticed before. His eyes were a deep gold, not black like I had remembered.

I looked at him, studying his expression when the strangest thing happened to me. It was if I could read his thoughts. They weren't clear like my own, I couldn't put them into exact words. I just knew that he was worried. "What's wrong, Dr. Cullen?"

"Edward, we have a lot to talk about." His worry turned to apprehension.

"Why don't we start by you telling me what you remember, and I'll explain what happened to you?"

"That's fine, but first I have to thank you. I feel amazing, I think the influenza is nearly gone. My body is so strong, only my throat is still sore."

He still wasn't pleased, just nervous. His quiet voice was slightly shaky as he spoke. "I'm glad you feel better Edward, but please tell me what you remember."

I sighed and began to recollect the evening. "My memories from last night are a little hazy, but I'll try." He nodded and I continued. "I was feeling very bad yesterday evening. I was too weak to talk or move. You and Alice took me out of the bed and she pushed my gurney down here, to the basement."

"We're sorry about putting you down here. It's not exactly the best accommodations." His thoughts indicated that he was sincere. He motioned with his hand for me to continue.

"After we got to the basement, you gave me a sedative. I slept, but I don't know how long. The next thing I remember, is hearing you and Alice arguing."

"What happened next Edward?" His voice was tense and louder than before.

Then the memory came flooding back to me. I was confused and a little frightened. "You bit me." I expected him to refute my memory, to tell me the influenza had made me delusional.

He just nodded, "Please continue."

My voice was grave as I prepared myself to describe the inferno. "Then my body felt like I was on fire…internally. I thought I was going to die; the pain was excruciating. The flames spread over my entire body. I blacked out for a while. I couldn't hear, see or feel anything. Everything was dark."

He starred at my face intently, "And how do you feel now?" he inquired.

I smiled at him and spoke in a grateful tone. "I feel exuberant; my senses are sharp. Everything but my throat feels amazing."

"What do you think made you feel this way Edward?" He was still racked with worry but this whole conversation was beginning to get on my nerves. His thoughts revealed that he had volumes to divulge to me and he was dancing around the subject.

"You bit me," I replied.

"Do I seem normal to you?" He asked fearfully. I sighed internally, more questions! Shouldn't he be giving the answers? I just nodded my head yes in his direction. His thoughts told me that this was the wrong answer.

"I'm not normal, Edward." He hung his head and clenched his fists.

"What do you mean?" My tone was forceful. His evasiveness was so frustrating, I just wanted an explanation.

"I don't know exactly how to say this." He avoided looking into my eyes.

"Spit it out Carlisle!" My voice was thunderous and angry. I hated to be rude to him but I couldn't take it anymore.

"Very well then." He sighed deeply and just blurted it out, "Edward, I'm a vampire."

I snorted loudly and chuckled, "Well, isn't it a small world? I've got a friend who's a werewolf." The smile slowly faded from my features, as his thoughts indicated that he was serious. Words wouldn't come. Suddenly everything clicked. His ghostly pale skin, his strangely colored eyes, his bone chillingly cold hands, it all made sense. "Alice?" He understood my short question.

"Yes Alice is too. She is my adopted daughter. But do you understand what this means, Edward? I bit you." His pale face was creased with worry.

My sharp mind quickly put the pieces together, "I'm a vampire too?" His thoughts confirmed my conclusion but it was too impossible to believe. "Dr. Cullen, vampires aren't real."

"Edward, how else do you explain what happened to you?"

I tried but even my sharp mind couldn't answer his mystifying question. I furrowed my brows in confusion.

"Your life is going to be very different from now on. I have a great deal to tell you." His expression was grave, like he was still waiting to drop a bomb on me, as if telling me he was a vampire wasn't enough. "Have you ever read about our kind?" I nodded, _Dracula_ was one of my favorite books. "Many of things you've read are myths but they are grounded in truth. Could you tell me some of the things you know?"

I nodded at him again. If it wasn't for the newfound quickness of my mind, I would have probably been on the floor, passed out from shock. I blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "Vampires sleep during the day in coffins."

"Myth." He replied quickly. "We never sleep and I don't own any coffins."

"Never sleep?" I couldn't imagine never resting. "You must be tired all the time."

"No, we don't need it." he spoke softly and his thoughts revealed that he was still telling the truth. "What else have you heard?"

"You'll die if you go out into the sunlight."

"Myth, we can go out into the sunlight all we like. However, our skin is noticeably different when it is illuminated by the sun. It glistens in a way that no human skin ever could. So you see, the sunlight doesn't harm us physically. We just must avoid it in order to conceal our identity."

I nodded and recalled the conversation I had had with Dr. Yorkie. I suddenly understood why they covered their faces outside, but not in the influenza ward. It was all adding up, but he still hadn't explained the details that caused him so much worry. "How old do I look, Edward?"

I scratched my head and contemplated his question. After studying his features for a brief moment I deduced that he couldn't be more than twenty-five. "Twenty-five?" I asked.

He gave me a stern look, his eyes were full of intensity. "Edward, I'm nearly three-hundred years old." I didn't want to believe it, but he was telling the truth.

"Do you age very slowly then?" I pleaded, desperately needing answers.

He hung his head, "We don't age at all."

"What do you mean?"

"Edward I'm not being ambiguous about this. We don't get any older." His eyes were longing for me to understand.

"Do you never die then?" I couldn't bring myself to use the collective we. I wasn't truly ready to accept what he was saying.

His voice was low and quiet. "We can die."

"Wooden stake through the heart?" I asked.

Finally he chuckled relieving some of the anxiety between us. "We can only be killed by our own kind. Guns, knives, drowning, jumping off buildings, old age, none of those things have any effect on us. What else have you read?" The intensity of the situation was back and it was heavier than before.

I knew one more thing about vampires. This was the only thing I truly wanted to be a myth. I could live with no sunlight. I could even handle sleeping in a coffin but there was one thing I couldn't do… blood.

"Vampires drink blood." I said in a quiet tone. My ears waited to hear the word myth, but he didn't utter the quick reply that came after my previous inquiries.

His expression was serious. "I'm afraid that's true Edward." My stomach suddenly turned over and tied itself into a thousand anxious knots. I expected my heart to pound faster, but I felt nothing. I placed my hand over my chest…silence. It was just further confirmation that this wasn't some sort of terrible nightmare.

He reached out and took my hand, it wasn't cold like I remembered. Then I caught a glimpse of my skin. It was the same pale white color as his. Oh God, this was real.

"It's okay, you don't have to drink human blood, I don't. That burning sensation you feel in your throat is thirst. You'll crave human blood, especially now. When you come into contact with a person, you'll have an overwhelming desire for it. You'll be able to smell it, see it pulsating through their veins. But you can't give in to your desires. Instead, you must learn to survive on the blood of animals. It isn't as satisfying as human blood, but it will keep you strong." His voice was calm but his thoughts indicated that he was fearful of my reaction.

I just starred at him, wide-eyed and utterly perplexed. We sat in silence for a long moment. Then it hit me, "How the hell am I going to explain this to Bella?"

He dropped his eyes to the floor and his face grew worried again. "You can't tell her about this."

I tried to reason with him. "But Dr. Cullen, she'll know something is different about me. I can't hide this pale skin. I can't not see her in the sunlight."

His expression was grave, "Edward it's not about that. You can't be around her at all. You could hurt her, you'll crave her blood. You aren't strong yet, it's very difficult for new vampires to control their urges. Not to mention the fact that she'll age and you won't. The relationship can't work anymore. You're too different now. I'm truly sorry about that." He was sincere but I didn't care.

I was so angry at him for even insinuating that I could hurt Bella. I loved her more than anything in the world and since I hadn't heard from my father in days, I assumed she was all I had left. I wanted to cry but tears wouldn't come. Since I couldn't express my grief my emotions boiled over into anger.

I screamed at him "How could you do this to me? My mother and my father are dead, and you take away the one reason I have for living."

"Edward, I'm sorry I know you've lost so much this week. The pain must be tremendous, but I promise it will get better with time. I promised your mother that I would do everything in my power to insure your survival. You were dying, this was the last resort." His response was genuine and heartfelt, but it didn't calm my anger.

I scoffed at him. "What's the purpose of living if you can't be with the people you love? Life for it's own sake is meaningless. And you've given me an eternity to contemplate that. You've taken everything from me! My parents are dead, and I can't be with Bella. I had a future you know. I was going into the military and when I got back I was going to propose to her. We were going to be happy and grow old together."

He pleaded with me, "Edward I didn't take your parents from you. I didn't take Bella from you. You were going to die, you had only hours to live when I bit you. I'm sorry Edward, but you had no future."

I knew he was right, but I didn't care. I was boiling with anger. I got up off the gurney and screamed into his face, "And now I'll get to think of that everyday, for the rest of eternity."

His tone was calm; he refused to return my anger. "You don't have to be alone. You're welcome to live with Alice and I. You're one of us now, and we consider you part of the family. I know this is overwhelming at the moment, but we're here for you. Alice is home now, preparing a room for you."

His kindness only enraged me further, "Who the hell do you think you are? You're going to sentence me to an eternity of misery and then expect me to call you daddy."

He sighed deeply, "I don't expect anything from you Edward. I just know that this phase of our existence is the most difficult, and I am willing to help you through it."

I was seething, my fists were clinched and my body was shaking with fury. "You're wrong!"

"About what?" he replied.

"I would never hurt Bella. You don't even know me, how could you assume something like that."

His expression was intense. "As a human, I'm sure you would never hurt her, and you're right. I don't know you very well, but I do know a great deal about our kind. New vampires are unstable, inexperienced. The desire for blood is stronger than you could ever imagine. You'll feel it the second you leave this room. You'll smell it, and your throat will burn with a fire a thousand times hotter than you felt last night."

I turned and looked at the dreadful room around me. I clinched my fist and punched directly into the concrete wall. The stone cracked under my incredible force. I opened my palm and slapped my hand across the shelves. All the bottles, rags, and files came crashing to the ground. Various liquids spilled all over the floor. Glass broke, papers flew everywhere, and he just stood there. I was enraged by his unwillingness to react. So I tore the shelf off the wall and threw the long piece of dusty wood in his direction. He quickly moved to the side and the wood hit the concrete wall behind the doorway with a crash. The large piece of lumber broke into a thousand tiny splinters. I picked up the gurney and bent the metal bars into a U shape before throwing it against the wall. The metal thundered against the concrete.

After I had destroyed the entire little room, I just stood there in silence, nothing left to demolish. I stared at him and my anger turned to sadness again. I wanted so badly to cry. I desperately needed an emotional release. But my new eyes didn't make tears. So, I just fell to my knees, placing my head on the group and beating my fists on the floor. The concrete crumbled under every pound of my fist. I must have looked like a spoiled child having a tantrum, but I didn't know what else to do. Everything about this new life was so incredibly frustrating.

I looked up at the doctor. He was just waiting on me, patiently. I sighed and took a deep breath. It was then that I realized I hadn't been breathing through my entire enraged episode. No heartbeat… no need to breathe.. I wasn't even human. His worried thoughts turned to compassion, and he began to slowly walk across the floor, closing the distance between us. He placed his hand on my arm and pulled me to my feet.

He whispered calmly in my ear, "It's going to be okay Edward." He wrapped his arms around me in a fatherly embrace. I couldn't fight his kindness anymore, and I truly did need him. I hugged the doctor and he continued to reassure me. "You'll always have a place with Alice and I." Honestly, that didn't mean much to me at this point, but it offered the tiniest glimmer of hope in this otherwise miserable existence that now lay before me.

There was a lot that I still disagreed with him about. I would never believe that I could hurt Bella and I would always be bitter about the things I lost. There are some wounds that not even time could heal. "I still know that I could never hurt Bella."

"Edward, you'll understand what I'm talking about soon enough. It's more difficult than I could ever describe."

"I'm going to prove you wrong." I whispered calmly.

He sighed, "I hope you do."

**A/N: **Poor Edward, so much to deal with, but he's strong. Wow, I have such a long way to go before this one is over, but I can't worry about that now. I've got cupcakes to bake lol. I hope you enjoyed! Please Review! I'd love to hear what you think and feel free to make suggestions.


	8. Chapter 8: The Guardian

**Place of the Lost**

A/N: Sorry it took so long to update this time. It's been a busy last few days. Be warned this one is slightly gory.

_Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Chapter 8: The Guardian**

EPOV

After our discussion, I had to stay in the janitor's closet until nightfall. I just sat there alone in the middle of the concrete floor, trying to plan my next move. I was determined to prove Dr. Cullen wrong. I loved that girl, and I would never harm her. I thought for a long time about what I could do for Bella, how I could repay her for all she had done. Even after my… episode, I still hadn't completely given up hope. I released my pent up anger and after a few hours of deep contemplation I decided that I was going to approach the situation with Bella very delicately.

I decided to test Dr. Cullen's assertions. Tonight, I would walk to Bella's house. I wasn't going to knock on the door or try to talk to her. I just wanted to be close to her, and see if the strange urge he described did in fact come over me. Even if I did feel strange around Bella, I knew I wouldn't want to kill her. It was impossible for me to crave her blood. My love was stronger than anything this new life could throw at me.

I suddenly heard a knock at the door. "Edward." Alice's soprano voice rang in my ears. She slowly opened the door and took in the scene around her. She didn't seem surprised. "How are you doing?" she asked with a concerned look on her face. Her thoughts revealed that she was extremely worried. She leaned against the door frame and waited on my response.

"I don't know. I guess I'm feeling better, I haven't destroyed anything in a few hours." She chuckled half-heartedly. "I'm just scared. This is all so overwhelming."

"I know Edward, I'm sorry this week has been so difficult for you. But being one of our kind isn't so bad, at least not the way Carlisle and I live." She was trying to make me feel better but I sneered at her.

"I can't imagine a worse life than this, no wait.. existence. You can't call this a life."

She smiled at me knowingly, "Well we can do some pretty amazing things, you know."

Her positive attitude was annoying. "Like what, slay the innocent and gorge yourself on their life giving blood." I said in an irritated tone.

"No." Her face suddenly lit up, "I'm sure you've noticed the sharpness of your senses and this room you destroyed is a testament to our strength. And our speed Edward, it's incredible. Even in the water, our quickness is unmatched and we don't ever have to come up for air. Our bodies are practically indestructible and some of us have even more talents."

I was intrigued, "Do you have any extra gifts?"

"I do." She was being playfully evasive, but I was in no mood for games.

"What can you do Alice?" I asked in a stern tone.

"I can see the future." She smiled wryly.

"What?" The anger began to boil inside of me again. "You knew all of this was going to happen to me and you did nothing to stop it!"

"Edward, my visions are subjective. I can only see the consequences of the path people are on. People can always change their mind; the future is unstable." Her thoughts indicated that she was telling the truth.

"Did you see me coming? Did you see me becoming one of you?" I asked pleadingly.

"I didn't see you until the night before you came to the hospital. It was too late then, you were already sick. But I promise Edward if I had seen you before I would have warned you. I would have made a fool of myself, run you out of town, anything to stop this from happening. Sadly, that wasn't how things turned out. The moment you entered the hospital, I saw you as one of our kind. I saw your maturity, kindheartedness, compassion and sensitivity. I knew you'd make a wonderful addition to our family, and I knew you'd be alone in a few days. I couldn't do anything. I'm sorry to say this Edward, but I didn't see any reason to try to stop the future I saw that day. I know you can't understand that now, but I hope eventually you'll be content with this new life." Her tone was soft and her thoughts were sincere but I was still angry.

I felt so helpless, like everyone one was controlling my life but me. My mother, Dr. Cullen, Alice, they all influenced the sequence of events that made me what I am. But who the hell asked me? No one! I felt like a prisoner to everyone else's selfish decisions.

"I don't know if that's possible Alice." My voice was grave.

"It is, I've seen it." She said with a hopeful smile on her face "Do you think you have any extra talents Edward?" Her thoughts told me that she already knew the answer to my question.

"I think you know I do."

She practically squealed, "I know, isn't it amazing. I've never met a telepath before."

I tried to calm her strange excitement. "It's going to be difficult to get used to. It's annoying when I'm just with one person; it will be miserable in a crowd. I can't even put the thoughts into words. I can only sense what they're thinking. If they're sincere, sad, excited or worried."

She grinned, "Your gift will improve with time. Eventually you'll know exactly what others are thinking. It just takes some coaxing for it to fully blossom."

I grimaced, "I don't know if that's a good thing or not. Who wants to know what people really think of them?"

She giggled, "Wow Edward, don't tell me you're insecure."

I frowned at her, "Let's see Alice, I've been deathly ill, lost both my parents, and become a…" I choked on the word, it still didn't seem real. "My self-esteem has taken quite a hit."

Her thoughts were apologetic, "I'm sorry Edward, I didn't mean to be insensitive. I just meant that this new look is very dashing on you." She suddenly moved from her position in the doorway and began searching the messy floor. She found a broken shard of a mirror and held it up to my face.

I looked hideous. My face was the same disgusting milky white shade that I had seen on my hands earlier. My lips looked like a deep crimson in contrast to my pale skin. And my eyes, they were the worst of all. They weren't golden honey or even coal black like Alice's and Dr. Cullen's. No, they were a furious shade of red. "What's wrong with my eyes?" I asked.

"Oh don't worry the red will fade once the venom has overtaken all of your human blood. When you start feeding on animal blood, they'll turn a dazzling shade of gold."

"Venom?" I responded curiously.

"Yes, vampire venom." I shuddered at the word. "Carlisle didn't explain this to you?"

"No, we didn't make it around to the finer details." I clarified.

"Oh well then, I have a lot to tell you. When Carlisle bit you, he injected you with his venom. It overtook your entire body and transformed you into what you are now. If we bite someone and don't kill them before the venom takes over then they'll become one of us too. But it's a very difficult thing to do. Once we taste blood, a furious craving overwhelms all of our thoughts and it's almost impossible to stop. Carlisle is a very strong man. I could never do what he did." Her tone was so reverent when she spoke of Dr. Cullen. This sparked my curiosity, I wanted to know more about him.

"Does he have any special gifts?" I prodded.

"It depends on what you mean by special gifts. He can't see the future, or read minds or anything like that, but he's no ordinary vampire. Many of our kind, lose their humanity. The thirst for blood takes over. They resort to a nomadic, aimless existence but he overcame his desire, alone! He's helped me do the same. He's so compassionate Carlisle made a pleasant life for us. We have to move every few years, but we get to help people. I can't imagine a better way to spend this life we have. I usually start out in school, then become a nurse. We're going to have to leave Chicago soon and start out somewhere new. I would be lost without him, and Edward, he can help you too." It was easy to see that she loved him. Dr. Cullen had become her father and she was recruiting siblings.

"I don't know Alice, I think I need to figure things out on my own first." I was still angry. I couldn't give in so easily. I had to prove that I could make it on my own.

"I know what you're planning tonight." She interrupted. "Edward, I know you miss Bella, but you're going to have to trust me on this. It's a bad idea." Her thoughts were worried.

"I'm not going to talk to her. I just need to see how I feel around her." I was irritated.

"You don't understand, you're weak. This is dangerous. Please just go back to our house. We'll take you for your first meal tomorrow. Your room is upstairs, third door on the left."

I snorted at her presumptuousness. "I think I'll pass, I've got things to do tonight." I moved from my position on the floor. My bones didn't creak like they would normally have after sitting for so long. Despite having no sleep, I stood up feeling sharp and refreshed. I kicked the debris on the floor out of the way and began to make my way towards the door. "If something terrible was going to happen, you'd try harder to stop me." I sneered at her.

"I can't tell what's going to happen Edward, you keep changing your mind." She was telling the truth. I was wavering. But even if I was uncertain about what to do with Bella, I knew exactly what I needed to do now…get out of here. I walked by her and made my way to the door. Glass and papers crunched under my feet.

"Bye Alice." I uttered the phrase with no emotion.

Her response was forceful, "You're playing with fire Edward." I ignored her and stepped through the threshold. "Our apartment is on south Monroe." she called. I scoffed and threw my hand up in a half-hearted wave.

I wandered down the corridor searching for an exit. I finally found one that lead to the back of the hospital. I opened the heavy metal door and took my first step outside in days. I took a now unnecessary deep breath. The evening city air was thick and hazy with smog but it was still nice to be outside. I looked up to the sky, and was surprised to see many shining stars despite the city lights. I liked the new eyes. There was something invigorating about being outdoors, it strengthened my resolve.

I took a few more steps away from the hospital door and noticed the tall wooden fence. I placed my hands on top of the posts and lithely catapulted myself over it and into the street on the other side. I took a quick look around, but didn't notice anyone staring at me.

As soon as my feet met the sidewalk, it hit me. I smelled them, in the passing cars, in the apartments, in the restaurants, walking on the street. It was everywhere. I could hear the blood pumping in their veins and I craved it. I had visions of opening one of the café doors and pouncing on them. I would use my speed to overtake the feeble humans. They were so weak, and I was so strong. I would sink my teeth into their delicate flesh and indulge myself on the blood my body desired.

I tried to control my thoughts they only made the yearning worse. I could hear their thoughts. Some people were excited, some were terribly sad, others were bored. It was overwhelming, like I had to take on the emotions of the entire city. Once they got into my head, I couldn't help but feel them too. This was too much, I wanted to cover my ears and make it all go away, but it wouldn't.

I stayed in the shadows, trying to avoid the street lights. My feet tread silently across the side walk as I searched desperately for a dark alley. When I finally found a narrow corridor between buildings, I ducked inside and searched for something… anything to stop the raging fire.

I saw a metal dumpster and picked it up with both hands. I lifted it into the air and tossed it to the side, revealing a festering pit of refuse and rats. I picked up the rat in my hand, but couldn't bear to bring it to my mouth. So instead I squished it my hand, like dough and drank the blood as it dripped from its tiny quivering body. The taste was absolutely foul, like rotting meat, but it calmed my thirst. I did this with four more rats. Finally, I was able to relax. I leaned against the brick wall and gathered my thoughts.

I very seriously considered running to Carlisle's apartment, but my pride wouldn't let me give up. Bella didn't give up on me when I was sick, and I couldn't give up on her now. I resolved to try. I was going to see her, it would be all right since the fire had momentarily subsided.

I stepped out of the alley and the smell hit me again. It made my throat burn, but it was controlled. I sighed internally, and tried to suppress my human breathing reflex. Once I was on the sidewalk, I moved as quickly as I could without being noticed. It was snail's pace given my new speed, but it was very important that no one saw me at that moment. I looked heinous. My white button up shirt was stained with rat blood. My skin was pale white, and my eyes were an intense red. I was the stuff of nightmares, but I had a duty. I had to try to cope with the fire, for Bella's sake. So as much as it burned, I journeyed on, moving painfully slower than I was capable. I used my sharp vision and agonizingly good sense of smell to avoid people the best I could in the middle of the city.

I was relieved when I reached the outskirts of the metropolis. I felt strong and smug, like I had proven the doctor wrong. I made it from the heart of Chicago to the edge without losing control. I must have passed thousands of people, maybe this wasn't going to be as difficult as Alice and Dr. Cullen had made it seem. It wasn't easy, but it was essential to restrain my sense of smell, and quickly find a non-human substitute when the fire burned too hot. If I could do that, then seeing Bella would be safe.

I was a block from her house, still uncertain of what to do. I never actually made a conscious decision. I just put one foot in the front of the other and soon I was at her window. I smelled her lavender scent immediately, it was as if she was standing next to me. I bent down and picked up a pebble out of habit. I dropped it when I realized the purpose of my visit.

That night wasn't about giving in to my personal desires. It was about doing what was best for Bella. I was going to make sure she was all right and gauge the strength of my urges. It may be a while before I would be able to actually confront her but until then I'd do everything I could to repay her. She was my night angel when I was sick, and now it was my turn. I would be her guardian, watching over her as she slept.

The time had to be about 9:30; she would probably be in her room reading. I looked up to her window. The white curtains were illuminated by the dim light of her oil lamp. I wanted so badly to see her, but I knew she couldn't see me, not yet. I sprawled out under the weeping willow in her yard and just stared waiting for the light to go out.

I must have waited an hour and a half, until the room was finally dark. I got up from the ground and swept the grass from my black pants. I moved as quickly and as quietly as I could to the side of her house. I was there in an instant and I didn't make a sound. I put my hands on the red brick wall and began to fit my fingers and the toes of my shoes into the tiny shallow notches between the bricks. I gracefully scaled the side of the building with ease, and I gently placed my hand on her window. I forced my finger into the space between the panes and tugged it open. A loud creak broke the peaceful silence and made me grimace in fear of disturbing her. Bella never locked her window; I found that suddenly innerving.

I stepped inside the room, not making a sound as my feet hit the hardwood floor. I noticed the beautiful bouquet of white flowers on her bedside table and the rocking chair that she hated still sat in the corner. She lay in her bed, tossing and turning in a troubled sleep. Her blue nightgown contrasted nicely against her pale skin. Her brown hair was a tangled mess of curls, but she was still so beautiful.

A refreshingly cool breeze came from the open window behind me and stirred Bella's scent in the air. Out of habit, I took a deep breath in anticipation of the intoxicating lavender scent. Instead my nostrils were met with something much more delicious and infinitely more powerful…Blood!

Her blood was different from anything I had encountered that evening; it was more potent. The scent was indescribable. It made the inferno roar in my throat with a strength that I had never encountered. Electricity ran through my veins and my mind went to a deplorable place. All I could imagine was drinking that delicious warm blood, feeling it my mouth, pouring down my throat and calming the fire. It was a repulsive fantasy, a product of my deepest and most animalistic instincts. I saw myself pouncing on her, ripping the sheets from her sleeping body and piercing her delicate flesh with my razor sharp teeth.

I clenched my fists, and my quivering body was rigid as I tried to suppress the overwhelming desire. I felt myself lurch forward, yearning for her blood. I had to use all of my willpower to stop, but I was able to. I just turned to the window behind me, feeling defeated and ducked out of her room and into the night. I escaped the house, narrowly avoiding a disaster that would have broken me for the rest of my… existence.

When I made it back down to the street, I wanted to cry again. My Bella was an angel, who looked after me in my time of need. Who was I to her? I was a barbaric, bloodthirsty monster. I could never be her protector or her guardian again. She would never be safe in my presence. I loved her but I wanted to murder her for her blood. How could I even think those things about my Bella? I was a terrible person, all of my humanity was gone. This was it, all hope was lost. I seethed with anger and sadness. I hated the excruciating flames that blazed in my throat. I hated life. I hated myself.

**A/N:** Oh Edward, why do you insist on taking things so fast? All this angst is bringing me down, but we've got so far to go! I hope you liked it. Please review!


	9. Chapter 9: The Monster

**Place of the Lost**

A/N: This one is a little gory as well and somewhat violent. Our Edward has a rather sordid past.

_Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Chapter 9: The Monster**

EPOV

I didn't know who I was anymore. I felt utterly lost. There was a cruel irony to this existence that I couldn't ignore. I had nothing to live for, and an eternity to do it.

I couldn't stand here another second looking at the brick wall outside of Bella's house. It was just a reminder of all the wonderful things I had lost. Her scent was still in the air and it made the flames of hell burn in my throat. I never imagined that life could be so unfair.

I turned toward the street, dropped my head and sulked to sidewalk. I took silent steps through the wet grass. When I reached the asphalt, I ran. I moved as fast I could through the night. I didn't care who saw me. I didn't care if it was dangerous. I didn't care about anything anymore. I had no idea where I was going, I just had to get away from Bella. I needed to escape the tension, the fear and the overwhelming desire to drink her blood.

It occurred to me that I was running back into the city, and I thought about looking for Monroe Street. Then I realized what that would mean. I would be running back to the sadistic son of a bitch who did this to me. I wouldn't give him the gratitude of knowing how weak I was. I couldn't let him see how he had broken me, and I wouldn't go crawling back to him. "Compassionate," I scoffed at the thought of Alice's words. He was cruel and I hated him. I hated her for prodding him on. Now in this indestructible body, I felt weaker than ever before. Not even the influenza crippled me like this stark, impossible reality.

I streaked back into the city, easily outrunning the cars. My blank, emotionless face was intermittently lit by the street lights. I passed tress, benches and countless drab buildings. I stayed as far from people as possible, but their foggy thoughts still echoed in my mind. I passed within yards of a businessman smoking outside an insurance office. I ducked into the shadows and his thoughts remained calm, assuring me that he didn't see anything strange. My feet didn't make a sound as they rhythmically struck the pavement. I probably would have run forever, but my self-loathing was intruded upon by a bloodcurdling scream.

It came from an alley about fifty yards behind me. I tried to ignore it and continue on, but my conscience wouldn't let me. I could tell by her thoughts, that it was a woman in a terrible panic. I slowed down and jogged to the source of the frightening noise. I turned the corner and entered the dim corridor between an apartment building and a law firm. My sharp eyes could distinguish the scene even through the dark shadows of the alley.

A man stood there, pinning a young woman to the brick wall. He had dark hair, ashen skin and was dressed in a gray suit. His hands gripped the brick wall tightly, and held here there, imprisoned by his arms. The woman's dark face was streaked with tears that flowed from her big brown eyes. She wore a red dress and white apron, she looked to be a waitress. One of sleeves of her dress was ripped off, leaving her shoulder bare. Her dark hair was disheveled, and silver hairpins rested on the ground by her feet.

He screamed at her, "You never tell me no!" The woman began to sob loudly. He moved one hand from the brick wall and brought his fingers together forcefully. He smacked her across the face and she screamed loudly in fear and pain. His handprint glowed on her dark cheek. "Shut up, you dirty slut. It doesn't matter how loud you scream. No one is coming to save you. You're not worth it." His thoughts were vile and depraved.

That was it. I couldn't let this atrocious incident continue. I stepped into their view, and the woman noticed me right away. Her thoughts revealed a strange mix of terror and relief. I obviously frightened her, I could see the goosebumps raise on her rich chocolate skin. I saw her looking at the blood stains on my shirt, and my red eyes glowed through the darkness. Still, she felt slightly comforted by my presence, my self-loathing was calmed by that realization. Maybe I could do something positive with this existence.

She cried out to me in the weakest most horrified voice, "Help me." The man turned around and his eyes widened as he took in my form. He furrowed his bushy, unkempt eyebrows. He was shaken, but he wasn't going to back down from a fight.

The man looked over his shoulder and saw my silent form. "Who the hell are you?" He sneered at me. I could see the blood pumping through a protruding vein in his forehead. I took in his scent. It wasn't like Bella's but it still made the fire in my throat rage. The woman looked into my eyes, willing me to act.

His voice was calm but stern, "Keep walking kid, this doesn't concern you."

"Let her go." I replied in an cold tone.

"Look!" He was irritated now. "Don't get yourself killed over this little bitch, who doesn't know how to listen when a man tells her what to do."

I stood my ground, "Let her go." She reached her arm out for me, but I couldn't touch her. I didn't trust myself. Her blood smelled better than his. I stared into her dark brown pleading eyes, and suddenly they became Bella's. I saw my girl standing there frightened and helpless. It broke my heart, and made me fume with anger.

He responded in a harsh tone. "Fine, you made your decision." He took both hands off the wall and turned around to face me. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a knife that he quickly flicked open. The silver gleamed through the shadows. In one swift motion he brought his hand above his head and tried to plunge the knife into my chest. My quick eyes caught every motion, and I had more than enough time to move, but I didn't. I just stood there, smirking.

The knife hit my chest and the metal bent as if it were made of rubber. I laughed in his face. His angry expression rapidly changed to one of terror. I could see the hair on the back of his neck stand up; he knew I was different. He tried to run but he didn't get a step before I grabbed him by the collar. He coughed loudly as I tightened the shirt around his neck.

I shouted at the woman in a stern voice "Run."

She smiled back at me gratefully, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "Thank you." She replied in a soft whisper as she turned to run. The handprint was still visible on her face. I nodded at her without breaking the emotionless mask I wore. Her red dress fluttered behind her, and her heels clicked on the asphalt as she jogged to safety. Her thoughts were thankful and relieved.

The man however, was terrified and seething with anger. He struggled relentlessly against my strong grip, flailing his arms wildly in the air. I didn't budge until the woman was out of sight. I wasn't sure what to do then. I thought about letting him go when she made it to safety, but he'd just find her again tomorrow. They obviously worked together, this probably wasn't the first time this had happened. I couldn't let him hurt her anymore. That was going to stop tonight.

I lifted the man up by his collar and tossed him face first into the brick wall like a rag doll. He lay there, sprawled out on the asphalt, pressing his hands into his face and writhing in agony. Blood dripped from his temple. The flames in my throat roared as if they had just been doused with gasoline. My instincts took over immediately. I pounced on him like a lion on its injured prey. His features contorted in terror, but this only fueled the fire. I felt so powerful at that moment; I could feel the invincible venom coursing through my veins. I sunk my teeth deep into his paper like flesh. He cried in pain, but I couldn't stop. I didn't want to stop. The warm blood felt so satisfying as it dripped down my fiery throat. It calmed the flames so much better than the rat blood. I felt so primal, so animalistic as I literally drank the life from his body. His chest heaved; he knew the end was coming. His heart beat slowed abruptly. With two final thuds, he was dead.

I stood up and wiped my forearm across my mouth. My white skin was stained from the blood. With the fire calmed, I was able to think more clearly. I couldn't leave his ravaged body lying here in the alley. The girl's silver hairpins still lay on the ground. I didn't want to leave anything to implicate her in the man's disappearance. I walked over to the brick wall, picked up the pins and put them in my pocket.

Thoughts raced through my mind about how to dispose of the body. I spotted a metal trashcan at the back of the alley. I sprinted back there, took off the lid and dumped the trash to the ground. Glass bottles crashed to asphalt and shattered. I picked up the can and carried it to the man's side. I lifted up his lifeless body and stuffed it carelessly into the metal container. I picked up the lid and clunked it down on top of the corpse. I felt blank and emotionless, just trying to concentrate on the task at hand.

I lifted the can into my arms, and raced out of the alley and into the night. I moved quickly, never leaving the shadows. I looked at the street signs, trying to find east.

When I was sure, I was moving in the right direction I quickened my pace. Physically, the can was very light, but the mental burden of ditching a corpse was unbelievably heavy. I didn't slow down until I felt the cool breeze of Lake Michigan. I heard the water, I smelled it in the air. I stopped at the lakeshore and dropped the can on the ground. I found some large stones and opened the can. I filled all the empty space around the corpse with rocks and closed it again. I picked up the trashcan and hurled it into the lake. I stood there for a moment and watched it disappear under the water. The heavy burden was finally lifted.

I looked around and took in a deep breath. I didn't see or smell anyone in the vicinity. I sighed in relief and sat down in the wet grass with my legs stretched out in front of me. I gazed out over the calm lake. The tranquil scene was such a contrast to the torrent of emotions that stormed inside of me. The cool breeze was invigorating. I took the silver pins from my pocket and fingered them in my palm. I thought about the girl, the terrified look in her eyes, how she trembled and cried. The vivid memory made me shudder. I couldn't stand watching that man victimize her. He was a monster, taking advantage of someone so weak and helpless. Then he demeaned her, as if it wasn't enough just to slap her angelic tear-stained face. I didn't know exactly what she had done, probably nothing. Even if she had done something to upset him, no one deserved to be treated like that. He had no right, she was a living, breathing person with feelings.

Then it struck me, I was no better than him. I used my strength to overpower someone weaker than me. I turned him into the victim. I could have just threatened him and given her time to get away. I didn't have to kill him; I didn't have to give into my animalistic desires. I didn't have to enjoy it! I didn't have to desecrate his body, by stuffing it carelessly into a trashcan. All life is precious, and I reduced his to that of garbage. He wasn't the monster; his victim escaped. I was the monster; my victim rested at the bottom of Lake Michigan, never to see the light of day again.

A new crushing emotion washed over me. Despite no longer needing to breathe, it felt like someone had knocked the wind out of me. The guilt overpowered even my indestructible body. It brought back that familiar feeling of self-loathing. I didn't even know that man. What if he had a wife? What if he had children? What if I took someone's father just like my father had been taken from me? What if he could have changed? Maybe he just needed help. Who the hell was I to do decide whether or not someone lived or died? I asserted my own will over his, over God's. I made a choice for which there was no amendment. He was not coming back, and I would have to live with that for the rest of my existence. I was a sadistic…cold-blooded…barbaric…murderer!

My thoughts were bleak. "Oh God, what happened to me?" I cried in a grave tone and buried my head into my cold white hands. Just one week before, I was sitting on park bench, holding the most beautiful girl in the world. I was looking forward to a bright and happy future. "Now, look at me!" I screamed. I wanted to cry but not even those wretched emotions could make this body produce tears. I went from leading a normal, happy life to craving human blood and dumping corpses in the lake. "Who am I?" I shouted, lifting my hands to the night sky in defeat.

I couldn't answer that question anymore. I had no idea who this person was. I wasn't even sure that I was a person. I felt like I had lost all of my humanity. The venom had changed my body, but did it steal my soul?

As much as I hated to admit it, there was only one person who could answer my questions. I knew I couldn't handle this on my own anymore. I almost killed Bella for God's sake! I had done one of the most deplorable, unforgivable deeds known to man. I took someone's life! I didn't know how to deal with that frightening realization. I didn't know how to deal with any part of this existence. I hated it, but Dr. Cullen was my last resort. I felt like he conquered me. He ruined my life and now I was going to crawl back to him for help. I wanted to bang my head into the ground. Was there no justice left on this planet?

I ran my fingers through my bronze hair. It was the only part of me that still felt like Edward. Everything else was so foreign, so white and so cold. I breathed a heavy sigh, sank my hands into the earth and lifted myself from the wet grass. My black pants were damp and muddy. I turned my back on the lake, and the man I murdered. I couldn't do this on my own. I threw the silver pins onto the ground, and walked back into the night.

I was only about a mile from Monroe Street. I didn't run like I had before. I walked at a slow human's pace, my head hung down, staring at the ground. When I reached the city, I avoided the light and the people. I only raised my head to check the street signs to make sure I was moving in the right direction. When I reached Monroe, I didn't need any more directions. I suddenly understood why Alice didn't bother to give me a street or apartment number. I could smell them, our kind was different. They smelled fresh and icy. It contrasted with the sweet warmth of human blood.

I followed the scent to an upscale apartment building. There was an old doorman with a thick gray beard standing in front of the entrance. I knew he wouldn't let me in, and I was afraid my appearance would give him a heart attack. So instead I skulked to the side of building, trying not to attract his attention. I scaled the fire escapes, searching for the one that smelled the most like them. When I was satisfied that I had reached the right one, I pounded on the glass door with my fist. No one answered, it wasn't as late as I thought. They were still at the hospital.

I leaned against the side of the building and slid my back down the wall until I was sitting. I hated having to wait on them. I wanted to change my mind, and leave, but that wasn't an option. I held my knees tight to my chest and buried my face into them. I wished I could cry, or sleep, or anything to take my mind off what I had done and what I was about to do. Dr. Cullen would know how weak I was. Alice probably already knew. I hated them, and they were all I had. The cruel ironies of this life never ceased to piss me off. After an hour of dread and self-loathing, I finally heard a stir on the other side of the door…

**A/N: **Hmm… I don't know how I feel about Edward's mishap. Is he a murderer or a savior? Thanks for reading and please review!


	10. Chapter 10: The Letter

**Place of the Lost**

A/N: Oh writing this chapter made me so happy. It's the first glimmer of hope we've seen in a long time! I hope you enjoy!

_Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Chapter 10: The Letter**

EPOV

The defeated feeling began to grow inside of me as the footsteps got closer to the door. I rubbed my red eyes with my fists. The word "pathetic," escaped my lips, and I hung my head in shame. The glass door slid open beside me.

Alice's voice chimed, "Good Morning Edward, come on in." I followed directions, lifting myself from the metal fire escape and following her into the apartment. I shut the door behind me and looked around. This was hardly an apartment, more like a miniature mansion. Everything was so light and open, not the dark dungeon I would have expected. The walls were a clean white, and the floors were a light hardwood. There was a huge white leather sofa in the living room, and a Persian rug with crimson patterns lay on the floor. The window behind the sofa stretched from the floor to the ceiling and was dressed with an elegant crimson curtain. A wrought iron chandelier illuminated the entire room.

Alice turned to me and took in my appearance with knowing eyes, "Rough night?" she sighed. I just nodded in response. "Carlisle should be home soon, he had to work a few minutes late. I hope you don't mind I took the liberty of bringing some of your things here, like your clothes. They're upstairs in your dresser, if you want to change." Her words were kinder than her thoughts. She was obviously disgusted by me, but I couldn't blame her. Alice probably knew the origin of every stain.

"Third door on the left?" I mumbled in a quiet voice. Alice nodded with a smile. I sulked over to the stairs. It was obvious that she was trying to ignore my bad mood, this annoyed me even more. How could such a little girl be so irritating? At the top of the stairs there was a long hallway, with five doors. Three on the left and two on the right. It was decorated extravagantly with paintings of vibrant landscapes lining the corridor. One of them caught my eye. It was a country meadow, nestled deep in the heart of rolling green mountains. The scene was so peaceful, so serene. It reminded me of the two summers I spent in Georgia visiting my mother's family, when I was a boy. There was another more menacing painting that stood out to me as well. At the end of the hall there was a large portrait of four men. They had pale white skin and were dressed in long black cloaks tied with golden rope. One of them appeared to be Dr. Cullen. The other three were regal looking men, with red eyes. I knew all to well what that meant. I felt uncomfortable staring at the painting; so I moved to the third cherry wood door at the end of the long white hallway.

I slowly turned the knob and was appalled by what I saw. Alice hadn't just brought my clothes. She had brought my entire dresser and my bedside table. She even tried to arrange the room, the way I did at home. But it didn't feel like home at all, this was just a hollow illusion. Instead of my small bed and green blanket, there was a large plush, black, leather sofa. There was a massive wooden bookcase in the corner. I scanned the titles from across the room, all of my books only took up the first shelf. The other three rows were foreign to me, filled with things I'd never choose to read myself. I scoffed internally at the titles, _Romeo and Juliette_, _A Midsummer Night's Dream_, _Wuthering Heights_, _Pride and Prejudice_. Her thoughts didn't indicate that she hated me, but Alice obviously did. Stocking my bookshelf with Bella's favorite romances, maybe she hung pictures of my dying parents somewhere too. I walked over to the shelf and turned all of those titles around; I couldn't bare to look at them.

I moved over to my dresser and pulled out a fresh pair of navy blue pants and a white shirt with matching navy buttons. I pulled the blood stained t-shirt off of me just as the first light of dawn peeked through the window. The dim light illuminated my pale skin in the most disgusting way. I threw the shirt into the wastebasket in the corner of the room; there was no saving it. I jerked my muddy pants down my legs and kicked them off my feet to the ground. I quickly covered my pale body with clean clothes and closed the dresser drawers.

I heard a knock at the door. It opened slightly and Alice peeked her head through the crack in the door. "Carlisle's here, he wants to see." I nodded at her and turned to leave the room. My guilt and shame were heavy weights to bear as I trudged out of the room. "He's in the dining room." Alice's voice contained a false cheer. I walked down the stairs and turned the corner into a spotless kitchen and dining area. Dr. Cullen sat at the head of the large wooden table. His forehead was creased with worry, and his thoughts confirmed what his expression already revealed to me.

He forced a smile. "Good morning, Edward." I nodded in return. "Have a seat, I want to hear about your first night." I grimaced, and hung my head in shame.

He looked at me with understanding eyes. "Alice told me things didn't go well. I need to know exactly what happened. There may be some things I need to take care of, so we don't attract attention to ourselves. Please Edward, tell me about last night."

I walked over to the table, and pulled out a chair. It squeaked across the floor and I sat down across from the doctor. He motioned for me to begin. I unnecessarily cleared my throat, and stared down at the grain pattern in the wood of the table. "I went to Bella's house after I left the hospital."

"Oh God!" His eyes grew wide. "Please tell me you didn't try to talk to her."

"No and she's fine." I assured him in a rather perturbed tone. "I just wanted to check on her. Her scent was overpowering. Her blood was more intoxicating than any other human I encountered."

He hung his head, "I'm sorry Edward."

"Me too." I continued, "I escaped her house, and raced down the street. I just needed to get away from her. Wanting her blood made me feel so depraved. I ran back through the city and I heard a woman screaming in an alley. I was going to ignore it, but I could tell that she was scared."

He nodded approvingly, "Yes, your gift. Alice told me."

"Yes her thoughts were terrified, so I went to help her. A man had her pinned against the wall. He was screaming in her face, and he hit her. She was sobbing, I couldn't just leave the lady. I pulled him off of her and told her to run away."

He smiled widely, "That was very kind of you."

His complement made me even more ashamed of the next part of the story. "He tried to stab me. My instincts took over. I… I killed him. I drank his blood. I put his body and some rocks in a trash can and dumped it into the lake." I felt horrible about myself. This confession only made things worse. I placed my elbows on the table and buried my head into my hands, trying to hide the disgraceful creature that I had become.

His expression was solemn, but his thoughts were sincere. After a long silence he finally responded in a calm tone, "I'm proud of you Edward."

I shouted at him angrily, "Proud of me? I'm a murderer!"

"It was your first night as one of our kind. You had enough self-control to overcome your powerful instincts and not hurt Bella. You saved someone's life and only killed someone who tried to kill you first. You disposed of the body in a way that wouldn't draw attention to yourself. Most new vampires only need to smell blood and they give in to the desire. You're very strong."

I spoke in a grave voice. "I don't feel strong. I'm a slave to the fire."

His voice was a soft whisper. "You aren't a slave to anything Edward. These feelings of hopelessness will pass. You'll only get stronger, and you'll settle into this new life very quickly. I can tell you're a resilient man."

I scoffed at him, "I don't want to settle into this life. I hate this life. It isn't fair."

He sighed, "You're right, nothing about this is fair. I'm sorry, but it's all we have now. And for what it's worth, I know you'll do something great with it." His compassionate sincerity was almost as annoying as Alice's perpetual cheerfulness.

I shrugged my shoulders, "What now?"

His face suddenly became somber, "There is something I'm going to need you to do, and it won't be easy."

My morbid curiosity got the better of me, "What?" I asked.

"I need you to write a letter."

"To who?" This evasive shit was really getting old.

"Bella."

"Why?" I demanded

"Edward," He sighed heavily. "You and I both know that you can't be around her anymore. You experienced it for yourself last night. It's just not safe. You need to give her some closure, end the relationship."

I roared at him. "You want me to break up with her?"

His voice was calm, but his thoughts were nervous. "No, of course not. I wish it were that easy." He took another long annoying pause. "I need you to tell her you died Edward. Alice can deliver it for you."

The anger began to boiled inside of me. "What? Why would I lie to her?"

"She can't come looking for you. You know as well as I do, that she won't give up if she thinks you're still alive. I know it hurts, but you have to understand that you two cannot be together anymore. This is for Bella, so she can move on."

I screamed at him. "It'll break her heart."

His tone was stern and loud. "It'll save her life." He had a point, but I had a point too. I didn't know what to do. I sat there in silence. I didn't want to give up on Bella, Dr. Cullen said himself that I had remarkable self-control for a new… I still couldn't think the word. The more rational side of me knew that our relationship could never work. I wasn't even human anymore. I craved sick, repulsive things. We couldn't grow old together. I couldn't even go into the sunlight for God's sake. Bella deserved so much better than what I could give her.

Defeated once again, I hung my head in shame and conceded to his morbid request. "Fine."

"Alice please go to my study and get some paper and an envelope." She flitted up the stairs to his study. She was back by my side in an instant, pen in hand. "I'm sorry Edward, but I promise it's for the best." She gave me a reassuring smile.

"God, I don't even know how to start this." I gave a sad groan.

"It'll be all right Edward. I'll let you have your privacy." Carlisle spoke in an understanding tone and got up from the table. He pushed in his chair and walked slowly out of the room.

She responded in a gentle voice. "I'll help you." I nodded and she began. "_Dear Bella, I want you to know that I love you. The few years I spent with you were the happiest of my life. Thank you for taking care of me. It is my deepest regret, that our future together was cut so painfully short." _I wanted to cry again, this was going to rip her heart out. _"Unfortunately if you are reading this, it means that I did not survive the influenza. I'm sorry to leave you, but know that I am with my parents now. I understand that this is going to be difficult for you, but you're strong Bella. I have faith in you, and I wish you nothing but happiness for the rest of your life. You'll make it through this."_ Alice's tone suddenly changed, _"I know you'll Figure it out. Forever Yours, Edward." _I put my pen down and closed my eyes wishing this nightmare would end. "You're not finished yet. Capital letters at the start over every word please." I nodded, and Alice smirked. I groaned internally; she was so annoying. _"P.S. I Always Maintained Absolute Love Is Vehemently Everlasting." _

I gave her a confused look, "What the hell does that mean?"

Her grin widened, "Read it." I scanned the awkward sentence. Then it finally stood out to me. I AM ALIVE. I couldn't help but smile back at her; this girl was devious. I liked it.

"Why are we doing this Alice?" I replied in a quizzical tone.

She was beaming, but spoke in a whisper so Carlisle couldn't hear. "You don't want her to give up on you, do you? Jeez Edward, I thought you loved the girl. I'd tell her about this myself, but she wouldn't believe me. We just have to buy some time. Maybe you'll be able to explain things for yourself. You aren't ready for her yet, but I'm hoping that one day you will be."

"How will she know to look for our message?" I asked in a pleading tone.

"She will Edward, don't worry. Just do what Carlisle says. Like I said before, things will all work out in the end." I was slowly changing my mind about Alice.

I smiled at her. "So there's hope?"

She giggled lightly, "There's always hope." I couldn't help it. I stood up and wrapped my arms around Alice. I lifted her little body off the ground, and gave her the biggest hug I could muster. This was the happiest I'd been since before I was sick. Maybe my life wasn't over. Her giggle turned into a loud chuckle. "You're welcome, but I'm not making any promises. I'll do everything I can to help you, but you're going to have to be nicer to Carlisle. He's just trying to do what's best for you."

I sighed, "Yes m'am, but haven't you explained to him that it will all be okay?"

"He knows the future is unstable, and he doesn't want anyone to get hurt especially someone you love. He knows that it would crush you. He's just trying to keep you safe." Her thoughts were honest. "So maybe you could ease up on him a little bit?"

"Fine." I huffed. I heard Dr. Cullen's footsteps behind me.

"Did you finish?" He inquired. I nodded and Alice shot an angry look in my direction.

I forced a smile in his direction, "Yes sir."

He grinned, "Call me Carlisle please."

"Yes Carlisle, the letter is finished." It was so much easier to be nice to him now that Alice and I had a plan to undermine his authority.

"Thank you. Alice will deliver it later." She took the letter out of my hand and folded into thirds and tucked it into a long white envelope. She picked up the pen and wrote _Bella_, in the most beautiful loopy handwriting I had ever seen.

"What should Edward do now Carlisle?" Alice asked, already knowing the answer.

He pondered the question for a second then responded in an apprehensive tone. "You know you're always welcome here Edward, but I really think it would be best if you got out of the city for a while. You need to get away from all the people, take some time to clear your head and get used to feeding on animals. It would be good for your self-control as well." His tone was soft, but he was still worried about how I would react.

I smiled at him, "Where do you think I should go?"

He was elated that I didn't respond with anger. "Out in the country somewhere, preferably some place with large game. Do you know anywhere like that?" He inquired.

I thought for a second before responding, "I went to Georgia as a child, I really enjoyed it there."

He grinned, "I hope you like deer and black bear."

I couldn't help but chuckled, "I've had it a few times, but I guess not in the way you mean."

"Sounds like a good choice to me, "You'll head south at night fall." I nodded in agreement. It would be nice to get out of Chicago. I had a lot to think about and I would do anything to make myself strong for Bella. Even if we couldn't spend our lives together, I wanted her to know that I was all right. I wanted to be able to talk to her again. I needed to be around her without having to worry about hurting her. I just hoped she'd figure out the letter, she needed some sort of comfort. Who knows, maybe she'd come looking for me?

**A/N:** Oh I love Alice, she's always got his back. There won't be an update for a few days. I'm going on a little vacation, but don't worry this will be on my mind J. Thanks for reading. Please Review!


	11. Chapter 11: The Midnight Delivery

**Place of the Lost**

A/N: Sorry it took so long to update. This is primarily Edward's story but we're back to Bella again.

_Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Chapter 11: The Midnight Delivery **

BPOV

"Good night Bella." Charlie's voice was heavy with exhaustion. He had to work fourteen hours straight today; half of his unit was infected with the influenza. He didn't spend his days arresting criminals anymore. His entire job revolved around stopping the spread of the disease. Yesterday, the chief forced him to arrest a man for sneezing on an elderly lady in the street car. He watched me like a hawk for the past two days; I wasn't able to leave the house once.

I was getting a little stir crazy. I laid on top of my bed staring endlessly at the cracks in the white plaster ceiling, thinking about Edward. My mind was wracked with worry. I hadn't been to see him or bring him anything in days. I hope he didn't think I'd forgotten him, because nothing could be farther from the truth. I felt useless again, everything was so uncontrollable. I was a feather in the wind, being mercilessly hurled through life by forces bigger than myself.

Sleep didn't come easy either. I slept the best last night that I had in days. I felt a calm presence in the room. It was so comforting and tranquil, as if for that one moment everything was right again. I hoped that feeling would return soon. I walked over to my dresser and grabbed the familiar blue night gown. I unzipped my dress, slid it down my body, and tossed it to the floor. I pulled the gown over my head and walked over to my bed. I sighed internally as the dread of another sleepless night loomed over me. I lit my oil lamp and pulled the pink comforter back revealing crisp white sheets.

My book of Shakespeare's works lay on the bedside table. Apparently I enjoyed torture, because I couldn't put down _A Midsummer Night's Dream_. I had read it a million times, but it was one of my favorites. A romantic comedy didn't lift my spirits like it usually did. However it was nice to read about magical forces that solved all the lovers problems, after they caused many of them of course. Too bad there weren't many fairies flying around the Chicago suburbs; I could have used some magic.

It was close to midnight and I was three quarters of the way into the play, when I heard a strange sound coming from the first floor. It sounded like someone was banging their fist against the wall. I slid the covers down my body and put my feet on the cold hardwood. The breeze from the open window fluttered my night gown and gave me a chill. I walked out of the room, the banging noise got louder. I peeked my head into my father's door. He was snoring quietly, lost in a deep restful sleep. The uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach made me want to wake him before I investigated the noise, but he looked so peaceful I couldn't bear to disturb him.

I quietly made my way down the stairs. The living room was eerily lit by streamers of dim light from the street lamps pouring in from the large window. Everything looked so menacing in the dark. All of the furniture was shrouded in shadows, anything could be lurking behind them. I was slightly relieved when it became obvious that the banging was coming from the front door. Someone was out there. My heart began to pound, the strangest combination of terror and hope washed over me. Maybe it was Edward, or it could easily be some sort of criminal. My breathing was fast and erratic, but my curiosity wouldn't let me turn around. I had to see who it was. I slowly put one foot in front of the other, creeping silently across the floor. When I was two steps away, the noise stopped.

An uneasy silence fell over the entire house. My head turned slowly, instinctively inspecting the shadowy room around me. I took two more hesitant steps closing the distance between me and the door. I cupped my hands around the little glass circle and stared intently through the peep hole…darkness. The street light didn't even cast a glow in front of the door. My hand moved to the lock. This was stupid. I should have yelled for Charlie, but my hand didn't stop. My hand was shaking in fear and anticipation. The lock clicked as I twisted the tiny metal switch. I turned the knob on the heavy wooden door. I opened it slightly and peered through a slim crack between the door and the wall. I looked hard into the night, trying to distinguish a human form in the shadows…nothing.

I let out an audible sigh and whispered under my breath, "Prank, stupid kids!" I hoped they heard that. I was relieved that it wasn't a robber or murder, but a part of me was sad that it wasn't Edward. I took one last glance around the front of the house and closed the door behind me. I turned the lock and took a deep breath, trying to relax my nerves. Turning around, I took two steps and my heart nearly stopped… _thud, thud_. It was back. My stomach suddenly tied itself in knots, as I realized that I was only a few feet away from the sinister night visitor. A cold sweat broke out on my forehead; my instincts told me that this was no prank.

I had had enough, I wasn't going to be toyed with. Charlie would hear me scream if anything bad happened. My life was already miserable, no one was going to make it worse. I lunged toward the door, flipped the lock and flung the door open. I stepped out into the night and began to shout, "I'm here, what do you want from me?" I tried to sound stern but my voice shook with fear. My chest heaved heavy terrified breaths, as I anticipated a reply. No one answered. I looked around, examining the darkness. This was impossible; I just heard them knocking. They couldn't be far. I stomped my foot in frustration. I was surprised to feel something crunch under my bare toes.

I looked down and saw a white rectangle on the concrete porch. I picked it up curiously and walked back inside. Closing and locking the door behind me, I took two hesitant steps, waiting for the knocking the return. Everything remained silent, and my breathing began to relax. I clutched the rectangle against my chest and ran up the stairs as quietly as possible. Putting my palm on the bedroom door, I pushed it open slowly so it wouldn't creak. It wasn't a good time to wake Charlie. The oil lamp was still burning on my bedside table, so I walked towards it and held the rectangle up to the light.

It was an envelope, my name was written across the front of it in beautiful loopy letters. I didn't recognize the handwriting. This must be what they wanted. I slid my finger under the seal and pulled the white piece of paper from the envelope. As I unfolded the letter, my eyes lit up and my heart pounded in excitement. This handwriting was familiar, a lot neater than usual, but I would recognize it anywhere. The letter was from Edward!

My eyes began to greedily skim the page. He was so sweet. He loved me and he missed me. I made him happy, and I really wanted to tell him, you too. I wanted to hear his sweet voice more than anything. I wanted to tell him I love, hug him and hold him in my arms. Suddenly my sweet longings were erased from my thoughts. Oh my God! The third line of the letter was too much. _It is my deepest regret, that our future together was cut so painfully short. Unfortunately if you are reading this, it means that I did not survive the influenza. _I fell to my knees, the pain was too much to bear. It was as if someone was ripping my soul in half. This couldn't be true. Edward couldn't be dead. He was too young, too healthy. He had too much life ahead of him. We were going to get married. Everything was supposed to be okay. Huge tears began to roll down my cheeks. They splattered onto the hardwood floor like raindrops. I couldn't read the rest of my letter. I tossed it into the waste basket behind me.

My stomach was twisted into a thousand knots. The grief was heavy and burdening, like someone had dropped a thousand pound weight onto my back. I began to feel nauseous, but I couldn't walk to the toilet. I crawled across the floor, sobbing all the way down the hall to the bathroom. The tile felt so cold on my bare knees. I couldn't reach the light. I pulled myself onto the toilet and vomited uncontrollably, but my body couldn't purge the grief. I buried my head into the bathroom rug and continue to sob. My tears soaked the fibers. I've never felt so alone in my life. All I could picture was Edward's beautiful face and his handsome body being ravaged by the influenza. It couldn't be true; I just couldn't accept that. Life couldn't be this cruel. I pounded my fist into the floor. "No." I sobbed weakly.

After an hour of intense crying, my throat burned, and the muscles in my face were exhausted. My mind was completely drained; I couldn't muster a coherent thought. Everything was so foggy, so unreal. I just crawled back to the bedroom, pulled myself on top of the bed and let my head fall to the pillow. I cried weakly until the fog took over, and I fell into a weary sleep.

My sleep was plagued by horrible nightmares. I was in the city, and it was very dark. I was chasing Edward, running as fast I could but could never catch him. He turned and laughed at me; he mocked my slowness. At on point, he stopped and held out his hand, but just as I was about to reach him he pulled away. I became weak and tired, but he kept running. He didn't want me to catch it. It broke my heart.

I was pulled from the fog by long streaks of bright sunlight. I opened my eyes, feeling more alert, but the sadness was crippling. My life was falling apart. I didn't want to see Charlie. How could I tell him about Edward? I didn't want to be stuck in this prison all day. These four walls were disgusting. My eyes scanned the bright room. The rocking chair was moving in the breeze from the open window, mocking me. I hated that chair, it held even more meaning today. It was a symbol of all the things I had lost. My mother, my love, nearly everything was gone. I hung my head; life had defeated me.

I reached over to my bedside table. I planned on flinging my book out the window, but my hand didn't feel my book. Instead there was a folded piece of paper in my grip. "What the hell?" I cried audibly. I could have sworn I threw this God forsaken letter away. I could hardly stand looking at it, but I knew I should finish reading. Edward wrote it and he would want me too. So I gathered my courage and unfolded the miserable document.

The wording was strange. It didn't sound like Edward, but he was probably stressed from the illness. He wanted me to be happy, but how could he say that? I couldn't be happy without Edward. He said I'd _"Figure it out."_ The words felt cold, like he couldn't understand my pain. But I knew he could, he knew how bad it hurt to lose someone you love. Those callous words were so unEdward. At the very end of the letter he wrote, _"P.S. I Always Maintained Absolute Love Is Vehemently Everlasting." _He was rarely so wordy and awkward.

The more I scrutinized the letter, the more suspicious I became. The suspicion helped to relieve some of the misery. It occupied my mind and kept me from dwelling on the painful reality of the situation. Who delivered the letter? How did it get out of the waste basket? Did someone sneak into my house? Why did it come in the middle of the night? Who's handwriting was on the front of the envelope? How was Edward's handwriting so neat when he was so sick and his hands so shaky? Nothing made sense.

I stared at the words, getting lost in them, trying to find some sort of meaning behind the madness. The more I thought about it the more certain I became of who paid me a visit the previous evening. It was the same person who's handwriting graced the front of the envelope…Alice Cullen! It all started to make sense now. Edward wasn't dead; that's why his handwriting was so neat. He had gotten well and fallen in love or more likely in lust with that little tramp. Why didn't he just tell me the truth? He'd rather tell me he was dead than break up with me face to face. "Coward," I scoffed loudly and that little bitch helped him. I thought he loved me and I thought she was my friend. That's why she was so eager to accompany me to his house.

A mix of rage, sadness and oddly enough the tiniest glint of hope washed over me. I felt rage because he was lying and leaving me for a nurse and sadness for the same reason. The tiny pearl of hope came from the possibility that Edward wasn't dead. Maybe it wasn't fate that was being so cruel to me, maybe it was the people who claimed to love me. My mother, my Edward, they may have broken my heart but they weren't going to keep me down.

I wiped my eyes and got up off of the bed. I ran down the hall to the bathroom and washed my face with cold water. Staring into the mirror I tried to say positive things. "I deserve better." There was no conviction in my soft voice. "It's a good thing he doesn't want me anymore." That was a lie. Oh God what was I trying to do? This was ridiculous and futile. I knew with every depth of my being that I loved Edward Masen, and no matter how resolute I was there would be no getting over him. He was too big a part of me; my heart belonged to him. Tears began to pour down my cheeks again. I wanted him back so badly. My own mother didn't want me, how could I expect someone as wonderful as Edward to love me? I thought this would be easier to deal with than his death, but it wasn't. I felt so betrayed, so worthless.

I stomped out of the bathroom and into Charlie's room. His bed was unmade and his thick brown comforter was nearly on the floor. His beige sheets were wrinkled and messy and the pillows were scattered everywhere. Had it been any other day, I would have stopped and made the bed for him. But today was different. I flung his white closet door open and reached into the tool chest he kept on the closet floor. I pulled out his hammer and ran back to my room. Grabbing the arm of the rocking chair, I dragged it to the middle of the floor.

I just let go. All of my emotions, all of my inhibitions, all of my pent up rage and sadness, I unleashed it on the rocking chair. I brought the hammer above my head and violently swung it at the wooden arm. The metal crashed into the chair and an explosion of splinters erupted over the entire room. I couldn't stopped. I beat the chair mercilessly, swinging the hammer like a baseball bat. Eventually it was nothing but a pile of indiscriminate splinters in the middle of the floor.

The rage still fueled me. I sprinted down the stairs and into the kitchen. Jerking open a drawer, I searched frantically for the matches. Once I had them in hand, I sat them beside the dormant fireplace. We hadn't used it since early March. I picked up the empty firewood basket and carried it up to my room. I picked up the larger pieces of wood and placed them in the basket until most of the floor was clear. I walked out of the room clutching the full basket, trying to be careful not to drop any of the wood. When I reached the fireplace I turned the basket over and let all of the wood fall onto the brick platform. I shook the last splinters from the wicker and reached for the matches. I struck one against the rough edge of the box and smirked at the flame. I tossed it into the fireplace and watched the tiny fire grow as it engulfed my bad memories.

A chuckle escaped my lips as the wood that was once my rocking chair turned black. For a moment I felt triumphant, like I beat the treachery, betrayal and sadness that overwhelmed me for so long. The flames began to roar as more of the wood caught fire. The radiating heat was oppressive. I took a step back and sat on the couch. I stared into the flames, hoping they'd take the pain away…nothing. I still felt hurt, confused, sad, lonely and worried.

Then it hit me. My eyes were alight by the dancing fire and I had a sad revelation. I shouted, "Oh my God! I'm insane. I'm deluded I made this whole thing up. He's dead." My mind wouldn't let me accept his death, so I invented an elaborate and crazy story. I've lost my mind; I need to be locked up. "Pull yourself together Bella!" Oh God I was talking to myself. I tried to slow down my muddled thoughts and think through this logically as I watched the chair burn.

What did I know for you sure? A very elusive person delivered a letter last night. The letter was neatly written in Edward's handwriting. It said he died, but it didn't sound like him. He said that he loved me and that absolute love was everlasting. I threw the letter in the wastebasket, but when I woke up it was on bedside table. Someone moved the letter. It could have been Charlie or… someone else.

What was I still unsure of? There was so much mystery surrounding this whole situation; it was overwhelming. I didn't know who delivered the letter. I didn't know who wrote my name on the envelope. I didn't know who's words were used to compose the letter. I didn't know who laid the document on my bedside table. I didn't even know if Edward was really dead.

Finally, what conjectures could I make? The letter was delivered in the middle of the night, thus it must have been extremely pertinent to the deliverer. It couldn't wait until the morning. Edward wrote the letter. The word _Figure _and the PS message were capitalized meaning they must be significant. Edward's writing was meticulous, he rarely had punctuation issues. Someone took the letter out of the trash, so it must be important for me to keep, reread, or scrutinize.

What did all this mean? Was he dead or alive? Did he run off with the nurse? If I knew Edward as well as I thought I did, I could answer all of those questions. It meant that he was alive and he still loved me. He was a fighter, he would not give up so easily. He would never betray me, and I would never give up hope. Edward was a good person and I felt ashamed for even thinking he would leave me for another girl. Of course I couldn't be sure. Edward could be dead, but something deep inside told me that he lived on. That tiny feeling kept my hope alive, but it provoked another question. If he was still alive, why wasn't he here? Something was very wrong with the whole situation, and I would make it my mission to _Figure it out. _

**A/N:** I love Bella's intuitiveness. Her hope makes this sad story bearable lol. Thanks for reading! Please review!


	12. Chapter 12: The Runaway

Place of the Lost

**A/N: This chapter is kind of fluffy but we're getting to the meat of the story. Hope you enjoy. **

_**Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**_

**Chapter 12: The Runaway**

EPOV

My speed was absolutely awesome. When the first rays of the morning sun spilled over the horizon, I was crossing the Illinois state line into Kentucky. I tried to search for road markers while simultaneously avoiding people. It was no easy task, but I needed to insure that I was traveling in the right direction. I spotted a _Welcome to The Bluegrass State _sign and sighed with relief, Illinois was behind me. My sense of direction was better than before the change. I covered the entire state in about six hours, on foot. I would have been even farther along, but I left a few hours later than I had originally planned. Carlisle told me to run south at nightfall, but Alice and I had a little disagreement. 

She wanted to deliver Bella's letter in the middle of the night, by knocking on the door and running. I thought that was about the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard. How juvenile could she be? She was going to scare the poor girl half to death before breaking her heart. For someone who could see the future, she had some stupid ideas. I tried to convince her to just mail the letter or place it in her box on the way to work. Alice was so stubborn; we went round and round for two hours, weighing the pros and cons of each option. She claimed that the stranger the circumstances surrounding the letter, the more likely Bella would look for our little code. I just didn't want to make the ordeal anymore traumatic than it was already going to be. She wouldn't understand right away, first she would grieve. She would be crushed, God I felt so terrible for doing that to her. Ten minutes before midnight, Alice finally saw it my way and decided to mail the letter, or at least that's what she said. Her thoughts were blank; I couldn't tell if she was being honest. 

I didn't have any more time to waste. I wrapped my arm around Alice and gave the stubborn little girl a friendly parting hug. "Goodbye Alice, thanks for everything." 

She wrapped her arm around my back, and I smiled at her sincerely.

"Goodbye Edward, please let yourself have a nice time. Enjoy the precious moments of solitude, and try not to worry too much. I promise everything will be all right." Her thoughts revealed her concern for my wellbeing. 

"I'll try my best." I turned to walk away from her.

"Oh and Edward, one more thing." She spoke in a solemn tone.

"Yes?" I replied, becoming rather slightly annoyed with the endless delays. 

Her face turned serious. "Be careful who you trust." Her warning was ominous. That girl could be so cryptic. 

"Of course I will." I nodded and waved goodbye as I turned towards the door. I was ready to get out of Chicago. I needed to escape the pain, both the burning fire in my throat and the emotional agony that comes with losing the ones you love. Being around so many people was unbearable. Carlisle said I was strong, but I didn't know how long I could keep that up. Hearing their hearts beating, seeing the blood pumping under their thin skin, smelling the sweet red fluid; it was excruciating. Unfortunately the most difficult person to be around was Bella. Her blood made the flames rage with the most intense desire. I wasn't sure how I escaped her room that night, without hurting her. It was stupid to even try to see her, but I longed for her in other ways as well. I missed the familiar scent of lavender. He brown shiny curls, and her luscious, soft porcelain skin. I loved the way her cheeks blushed when my lips met hers, and most of all I longed to be wrapped in her warm embrace. 

That was the most important reason for this trip. I wanted to get strong for Bella. I needed to learn to satisfy my thirst with animal blood. I wanted to be able to appreciate all those little things without them being overshadowed by the thirst. My plan was to travel to a rural area and slowly come into contact with people. The city held too much temptation, too much blood. The South was safer, and I loved Georgia. The summers I spent there were a novel experience for a little boy from Chicago. I picked peaches, played in muddy creeks and slept out under the stars. It was such a relief to be going somewhere that didn't hold sad memories. 

Western Kentucky passed under my feet quickly. I openly raced through lush verdant pastures in the dim morning light. Wildflowers dotted the landscape with splashes of orange, yellow, and purple. I'd never seen a sky so blue, there wasn't a cloud in sight. It made me think of my birthday in the park with Bella. The delicious fragrance of the wildflowers reminded me of her delicate perfume. I couldn't help but close my eyes and see her beautiful face. I was sad that I only had happy memories of her through my old eyes. My vision was so foggy then, I couldn't fully appreciate her beauty, but those memories were the most blissful I had. 

I didn't catch the scent of a single person; it was a relief. The fire was almost bearable when there wasn't human blood in the air. I passed a few cows, but steak wasn't as appealing as it used to be. I still couldn't relax, I was out in the sunshine, which worried me. I was exposed. My skin was so disgustingly different. It reminded me of granite; it even had the tiny sparkly flecks that gleamed in the sunlight. I found it repulsive, because it made me feel inhuman. 

When I crossed the line into Tennessee, I thought it was time to start moving east. I swam Kentucky Lake with the ease of a fish. The water was a welcome shelter from the sun. My sharp eyes could barely distinguish fish and rocks through the cloudy water. It felt so much warmer than Lake Michigan, and the catfish were enormous. I brought my head above the surface and watched the sunlight dance on the slow murky waves. It reminded me of Bella's curls, the way they fluttered behind her when she walked. When I made it to the lakeshore, I quickly climbed up the muddy bank with my newfound agile grace. My clothes were soaking wet; I expected to feel cold. However when the wind hit my soggy attire, I felt a warming sensation. My body temperature must have been lower than I thought. 

I continued east, walking through flat tree covered land. I expected the woods to be a peaceful place, but it buzzed with life. Squirrels scampered across the forest floor, birds called boisterously through the trees and bumblebees buzzed circles around my head. It was a stark contrast to the constant drone of the city that I had grown accustomed to. It was therapeutic, it was a place without worries where nature existed as it had since the dawn of time. It was simplistic, and everything still made sense out here. It was the complete opposite of my life, which now defied all logic. Bella would have loved it out here. She was the kind of girl who didn't need a fancy French restaurant to have a good time. She appreciated our alone time regardless of location, and she could find joy in the simplest of things…God! Was there anything that didn't make me think of her? 

The more I thought of Bella, the more worried I became. Alice was supposed to put the letter in the mail today. Her heart would be broken soon. Deep down I knew it wasn't my fault, and that I didn't choose these bizarre and impossible circumstances. That didn't make lying to Bella any easier. I felt like a weak coward. I wasn't strong enough to tell her the truth; I couldn't even face her. Instead, I was running away from my problems. Knowing that the letter was going to break her heart, made me miserable, but my more logical side understood that this was the right thing to do.

I didn't think it was possible, but I quickened my pace. My sad thoughts made me want to put Tennessee behind me. It felt like I was flying. My feet didn't make a sound as they barely grazed the sticks and leaves that littered the forest floor. I narrowly dodged trees and low hanging branches. Every time I caught the scent of people, I changed direction. I wasn't ready to deal with that yet. The sun was beginning its trek toward the horizon, and the landscape was quickly changing before my eyes. The view no longer featured an endless expanse of trees. Instead I began to see green mountains in the distance. I knew I was getting close. I could be in north Georgia by tomorrow. 

The mountains were farther away than they looked. The brightness of the day had faded into a dim twilight, when I made my way into the Smoky Mountains of east Tennessee. The forest was even louder at night than it was during the day. All of the nocturnal creatures had come to life. Opossums hung from branches by their skinny tails and raccoons climbed through the trees above me. In the distance, I heard the thumping heartbeat of a predator. I could almost smell its blood, the aroma wasn't as pleasing as the human scent, but it was still tempting. The flames in my throat roared. The fire hadn't been satiated since the incident in the alley. I figured it was best to feed as often as possible, incase I encountered any people. 

I was ready for my first hunt. Recalling how hideously disgusting I looked after I fed in the alley, I unbuttoned my white shirt and hung it on a low branch. Letting my thirst and sharp senses guide me, I gave into my blood lust. I crouched down to the ground, and let the fire consume my humanity. A low, chesty growl escaped my lips. I sprinted silently between the trees like a cheetah, until the scent of my prey was overpoweringly strong. Then I slowed my pace and scoped out the dim forest. Fear washed over me, it was a mountain lion. I hadn't yet tested my strength against any creature this strong or this fast. Men were no match for me, but this was a stealthy predator. He moved majestically searching for his next meal. I watched the lean muscles in his back move in waves with each step of his giant paws. The cat's eyes glinted in the faint streams of sunlight that intermittently infiltrated the tree cover. His coat was a beautiful shiny shade of light gold, and his thick tail must have been three feet long.

When I moved within twenty feet of the predator, he immediately stopped. Turning his head to inspect the forest around him, he took a deep breath. Suddenly he groaned and darted up the mountain away from me. He knew I was different. I resumed my crouching position and raced after the ferocious cat. I was running beside him in ten seconds. If my heart could beat, then it would have been racing. I pounced on the mountain lion, forcing it to the ground. It instinctively opened its mouth revealing two bloodstained, razor-sharp canines. A terrifying roar erupted from the trapped animal. It writhed underneath me until it was on its back. He extended his long white claws and swiped his giant paw across my cheek…no pain. My granite skin wasn't even punctured by the claws. I put my strong arms on its limbs and pinned it to the muddy ground. My throat burned in anticipation of the blood. The blazing flames made it possible for me to plunge my head into the furry neck of the predator. It roared under me, as I pierced its warm flesh with my teeth. 

The blood wasn't as satisfying as the man in the alley, but it was certainly better than dumpster rats. The flames began to calm as I sucked the life from the helpless animal. I nearly chuckled at the thought of the unfounded fear I experienced before the attack. The cat was strong, but it was no match for me. It was fast, but I was quicker. The blood poured down the back of my throat, and I gloated internally over my victory. I was nature's most perfect predator. I looked unassuming; I could walk among humans without being noticed, but I could take down mountain lions with ease. The cat's heart began to thump erratically. It's thrashes became weak, and the roar faded into a low growl. It gradually stopped fighting against my grip, and its limbs hesitantly relaxed into the dirt. The creature's mighty chest began to heave, as he gasped for breath. With one last groan, the cat's entire body went limp, and I released him and stood up. His golden coat was now stained red. I suddenly felt sad for butchering such a beautiful animal, but not as bad as I had felt after the confrontation in the alley. I could get used to this form of barbarity, if it would stop me from being a murderer. 

I frowned at the lifeless animal and turned to walk back down the mountain. I stopped at a little stream and bent down. The fast flowing water was clean, and would have felt cool on human skin. I cupped my hands under the tiny rapid and filled my palms with the water. I splashed it on my bare face, neck and chest, washing the blood away. My skin was snow white again. I continued down the mountain, searching for the branch that held my shirt. I quickly found it, and pulled it carefully from the tree. I really should have packed more clothes. Keeping this shirt clean and intact for the duration of my trip was going to be a challenge. I slid my arms into the sleeves and quickly buttoned the shirt to my neck. 

I continued moving east into the mountains. By the time I had fed, it was completely dark. I could see no signs or any other indication of civilization. I had no idea when to turn south into Georgia. So I just continued to climb into the night. I scaled rock faces one-hundred feet high with my bare hands. I walked through ancient Native American caves, and tore my path through the thick thorny vegetation. I literally ran up a giant oak tree to get a better view of the area around me. There were rolling green mountains as far as the eye could see. Miles away I could distinguish the glowing lights of fires in wilderness villages or small settlements. 

I stared at the full moon and the million silver stars that hung in the dark sky. I had been moving eastward through the mountains for several hours, and decided that it was time to turn south. I'd smell the sweet peach groves by morning. But first I had to conquer the menacing night forest. If mythical monsters like myself tread those ancient paths, who knows what else the shadows concealed? If I was still human I would have never been out there alone. The low growls of black bears, and the haunting call of owls echoed through the night air. However, the most bloodcurdling sounds came from a pack of red wolves that prowled the forest about a mile away. Their powerful solemn howls resonated over the entire mountain, as if they were shaking the rock to it's core. It was unsettling and encouraged me to move even faster. 

When the morning sun began to pour through the forest canopy, I started to look for some sort of sign, anything. I knew I should have been in Georgia by then, but I didn't smell ripe peaches. My spirits were lifted when I saw the glow of fires from a small settlement just a few miles away. I could almost smell the blood of people. The flames in my throat were slightly awakened, but I still felt very satisfied from my first hunt. I felt safe moving closer to the human scent. Carefully pacing myself, I walked as slow as possible, so I wouldn't abruptly provoke my thirst. About fifty yards away, I spotted a brown wooden sign with white words. Long green vines, grew over the text and prevented me from reading it from such a distance. I quickly closed the gap between me and the sign and ripped away the waxy kudzu that concealed the words written on the first line. 

"Damn it." I cursed aloud as I read the sign. "_Jocassee, South Carolina_." I waited too long to turn south. Out of curiosity, I pulled the remainder of the plant away to reveal the rest of the marker. "_Place of the Lost." _I read the words in a questioning tone. My brows furrowed in contemplation. What does that mean? I wondered curiously to myself. I couldn't come to any logical conclusion as to why someone would call their town that, but I did know that I was in the right place. It wasn't a mistake that brought me here; it was fate. Physically, I was lost because I wasn't in Chicago or even Georgia. I had lost nearly every person I loved and almost all of my hope. I lost my humanity and my happy existence. This was where I belonged… 

**A/N: **I'm really excited! Edward is finally in the most important setting of the story. By the way, Jocassee is a real place and the name means "Place of the Lost One." But you'll find out all about that in the next chapter. Thanks for reading! Please review! 


	13. Chapter 13: The Indian Princess

**Place of the Lost**

A/N: This is the chapter that inspired the entire story! I hope you enjoy!

_Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Chapter 13: The Indian Princess**

EPOV

A light fog settled over Jocassee in the early morning hours, but I could tell that it was everything I had hoped for. It was a little valley tucked high in the Smoky Mountains. I quickly fell in love with those mountains. They made me feel safe, like the bars of a child's crib. It was my sanctuary, and it would help me salvage what was left of my life. There was plenty of shade from the piercing rays of the hot summer sun. The little settlement, of what I presumed was home to about fifty people, was less than a mile away. I could slowly grow accustomed to the scent of humans, and learn to control my thirst. Most importantly, there was plenty of wild game to calm the flames. The_ Place of the Lost_ wasn't just practical, it was beautiful. Huge rhododendron with dew covered leaves and purple blossoms bloomed all around. Oaks, cedars and maples created a ceiling of green. Wild verdant grasses and creeping ferns covered the forest floor. The yellow petals of black-eyed susans dotted the banks of a rushing stony creek, and the sweet fragrance of honeysuckle and wild strawberries filled the air.

Curiosity wouldn't let me keep my distance from the town for long. I wanted to see how people lived so far away from the city. I moved slowly and hesitantly away from the sign, and away from my sanctuary at the edge of the woods. I walked into the dim light of the morning mist; the sun wasn't bright enough to make my granite skin gleam. I saw a dirt road, shaded by a few tall sycamore trees, that lead to a small cabin just about a hundred yards from the sign. The small cabin was made of thick brown logs and gray smoke poured out of a large rock chimney. I could tell by her scent, that it was home to an elderly lady. The distant aroma of her blood didn't excite my thirst like the vivacious electricity that emanated from young blood. I was grateful for that. In the lady's backyard, there was an empty clothes line and a small wooden structure that I assumed to be an outhouse. As I continued down into the valley, I saw more cabins very similar to the one at the top of the hill. Some seemed newer and slightly larger and others had little porches with rocking chairs. The farther I walked, the more cultivated land I saw. The landscape was dotted with small plots of tobacco, corn and cabbage plants. I noticed that the creek in my sanctuary was a mere tributary to a treacherous rocky river that flowed through the settlement.

As I continued, the smell of human blood became stronger. I could distinguish the scent of infants and children. I felt repulsive for desiring their innocent blood. So I made a conscious effort to stop breathing. I put my hand over my nose, and the flames remained calm. I soon came upon a small white church with a short steeple and a white cross that rose up out of the morning mist. I didn't expect such an ordinary sight to provoke so many emotions. I had never been terribly religious, but I always believed in God. Until recently, I felt like I was a good person. But in just a week's time, I had become an angry, lying, gluttonous murderer. I began to wonder if the venom stole my soul? When Carlisle bit me, was I signing some sort of contract with Satan himself? Immortality in exchange for my everlasting soul? I couldn't look at that church anymore, it started to make me angry and jealous. Those people didn't know how lucky they were. They were peaceful, they knew they had a soul. I was robbed of my serenity. I turned my back on the little white building and started the short journey back to my sanctuary.

This time I walked along the little dirt road, passing directly in front of the cabin at the top of the hill. When I reached the edge of the forest, I took a deep breath. I expected the scent of honeysuckle, but instead my nostrils were attacked by the foulest scent imaginable. It sort of smelled like blood, but mixed with the putrid scent of an animal rotting in the sun on a humid day. It didn't ignite the flames; instead it provoked my leftover human gag reflex. I searched the landscape trying to spot the source of the odor. Nothing had changed, except there was someone about a hundred yards away. They had long dark hair, and a fishing pole in their hand. I took a few nervous steps towards the figure and then a few deep breaths. The foul odor was definitely coming from them. Half of me was disgusted, because the smell was terrible, worse than any influenza ward in Chicago. The other half of me was relieved because I had practically no desire to drink their blood.

I hadn't spoken to anyone since I said goodbye to Alice, and the silence was starting to annoy me. It was probably a bad idea, but at least it wasn't dangerous. I walked as slowly as possible towards the stranger. I tried to make as much noise as I could so I wouldn't startle them. I crunched the dead leaves loudly under my feet. As the distance between us grew smaller, it became obvious that it was a young man. He had russet colored skin and long black hair that fell to the middle of his back. He wore dark denim overalls with mud stained knees, brown boots and a white button up shirt. He heard me coming towards him and lifted his eyes from the flowing stream. His faced was marked with curiosity, but he nodded a greeting in my direction. I lifted my hand and waved to the stranger.

When I reached the edge of the stream, I smiled and instinctively reached my hand out to him, "Edward Masen." I said in a friendly tone.

He returned the smile and met my hand. "Jacob Black." His voice was deep and stern. He was average sized and had high defined cheekbones and dark eyes. We gripped each others hands and shook. "Whoa your hands are freezing." Oh no, I forgot. My thoughts worked quickly.

I faked a light chuckle "Sorry, I just washed them in the river."

He nodded knowingly, "Yeah, the river is cold especially in the morning. I don't believe I've ever seen you around here before."

"No, I'm from Chicago."

He gasped. "Chicago? How the hell did you get here?" He spoke with laughter in his voice.

I tried to think of a believable story. I wanted to use the truth as much as possible. Part of regaining my humanity was to stop lying. "Yes, I don't know if you've heard, but the influenza is terrible there. People are dying by the thousands. I didn't want to get sick, so my doctor asked me to leave the city. I was supposed to go to my aunt's house in Georgia, but I got lost and ended up here."

"Oh, do you need help getting to a rail station?" His thoughts were very sincere.

"No, I like it here. I made camp about a half mile away." Half of that was true. I did like it here. I didn't really have any need for the camp. I should have built some sort of shelter to keep my clothes dry.

He spoke with a smile on his face. "It is nice here, isn't it?" I nodded back at him. "How does a city boy like you, survive out here in the woods?" He chuckled as he took in my urban clothes and pale skin. It probably looked like I had never been outside in my life.

I replied after a long pause. "I did spend a few summers in Georgia. I know how to hunt, fish and build fires." Of course that was years ago, and I didn't remember how to do any of those things. I wouldn't have been able to survive had it not been for the change, but I omitted that detail. "Have you lived here long?" I inquired.

He scoffed at my question, "You're not too perceptive are you? I'm Cherokee. My ancestors have lived on this land for thousands of years."

"Oh, well can you tell me how Jocassee got its name?" That question had boggled my mind since the second I read the sign.

"So you're the one that tore the Kudzu off the old marker?" I nodded. "It's kind of a long story. Do you have time?"

I sighed, "That's all I've got."

He began his tale, "Long before this area was ever settled by Europeans, it was inhabited by two rival Cherokee clans. The Brown Viper Clan lived on west side of the river and the Green Bird Clan lived on the eastern bank. The Brown Viper Clan was led by Chief Attakulla. The chief had a beautiful daughter named Jocassee, who was the favorite of all his children. The clan admired her for her kindness and great compassion. She was treated like a princess by her father and the many suitors that asked for her hand in marriage." I knew they didn't look anything alike, but as I imagined his story in my head, Bella was my Jocassee. I didn't know a girl more beautiful than her. She could have been a princess in any land.

"The pride of the Green Bird Clan was Nagoochee a young, handsome warrior. He was revered throughout the Cherokee nation for his immense strength and unshakeable bravery. He was to become the next chief of the Green Bird Clan. Because Nagoochee was so brave, he often hunted in Brown Viper territory. He knew that if he was caught, he would be killed. Not even this could deter Nagoochee. One night when he was hunting on Brown Viper grounds, he crossed paths with a mountain lion."

I couldn't help but think of my encounter with a mountain lion the previous night, his razor-sharp teeth and long claws. Any human that dared to challenge such a beast, must have been brave or insane. Because I conquered the lion, in my mind, I was Nagoochee.

"He wasn't scared, he wanted the pelt of the giant cat to wear as a mark of his courage. He drew an arrow from his satchel and loaded his bow. He lined up the shot and pierced the animal's side. It roared loudly and turned to chase Nagoochee. The cat was fast and quickly pounced upon the brave warrior. As he fell to the ground, his leg was broken across a rock. He didn't make a sound, it was important to remain calm. The animal scratched his cheek with his mighty claws. Blood dripped from his face, still Nagoochee refused to cry out in pain. Just as the lion leaned down to bite his throat, a second arrow pierced it's flesh. This time it went through the creature's heart. It fell on top of him, limp and dead. He pushed the dead animal off of him and looked around. He spotted a beautiful maiden in the distance. She clutched a bow in her arms."

This legend definitely sounded like Bella and I. That girl was always taking care of me. I couldn't help but interrupt the story with my excited interest, "Was it Jocassee?"

"Of course it was." he replied. "Jocassee ran to his side, and lifted the wounded warrior from the ground. She helped him walk to a secluded hut where she mended his wounds and set his leg in a splint. For many weeks she brought him food and water and tended to his injuries. The two soon fell in love and made plans to get married. They hoped that their marriage would unite the warring clans and bring peace to the valley.

When Nagoochee was well enough to walk, he returned to his people. On the evening of his homecoming, the Green Birds had a great celebration. Jocassee's brother, Cheochee, saw the fires burning and heard the joyous music from across the river. He decided that it would be the perfect time to strike. He launched his warriors that very night, and ambushed the Green Birds. During the battle, Cheochee took advantage of Nagoochee's weakened condition and cut off his head. The next morning the Brown Vipers returned to the other side of the river victorious. Cheochee wore Nagoochee's head on his belt. Jocassee was distraught. She got into a canoe and paddled out into the roughest stretch of rapids in the entire river. The canoe capsized almost immediately."

Oh God, this story _was_ about me and Bella. Two lovers, wrongly robbed of their happiness by uncontrollable forces, our experience exactly. My tone was grave as I interjected, "And she died?"

He smirked at my question, "According to legend, her ghost rose from the water, and danced across the rapids to meet Nagoochee's spirit. On the day of her death, Chief Attakulla proclaimed that the entire valley would be named for his daughter, and it would mean Place of the Lost."

I frowned a little, "That's a very sad story." I wanted to add, just like mine.

He nodded in agreement, "Yes I like to think of it as our version of _Romeo and Juliet_. But I guess Nagoochee and Jocassee doesn't exactly roll off the English tongue."

I chuckled at him, "That's exactly what I was thinking. My girl would have loved it. She's read _Romeo and Juliet _a million times. What is it about women? I can't understand why they'd want to subject themselves to such miserable stories, and she does it over and over again."

His expression suddenly looked more interested, "You have a girl?" His surprise was insulting.

I sighed in contentment. I relished the opportunity to talk about her. She was on my mind all the time, and I was practically bursting to let it out. I tried to contain my excitement, "Yes, her name is Isabella."

"Is she pretty?" He asked.

I scoffed at the question. Pretty wasn't a strong enough word to describe Bella. "Yes, she's beautiful."

He smirked at me. "What does she look like?"

I couldn't help but smile when I talked about her. "She has long brown hair with shiny curls. Her skin is soft and the color of porcelain…"

He chuckled loudly and rudely interrupted my description. "Jeez man, are you getting a woody over there?" I just rolled my eyes at his crude remark. He sensed my annoyance and continued talking. "Where is your girl now?" He prodded.

My tone became solemn. "She's still in Chicago. I'm sure she'll be all right. Her father is extremely protective. He probably hasn't let her leave the house for days."

He had a shocked expression "God, how you could you leave her?" Those words cut deep. I felt so bad for leaving Bella, but I could never explain that to him.

"We just had to go our separate ways for a while. I miss her like crazy." I tried to change the subject, "Do the Green Birds and Brown Vipers still live here?"

He shook his head and his expression became grave. "Only seven Cherokee clans still exist in the east. Most of them are in North Carolina."

"What happened to all of them?" I asked. His solemn tone sparked my morbid curiosity.

"In the 1830's, most Native Americans on the east coast were forced to migrate to the west. Our leaders never agreed to the removal. The greedy bastards only wanted our territory because they thought it had gold. The Treaty of New Echota was drawn up and it outlined the exchange of Cherokee lands for those west of the Mississippi. Tribal leaders never signed the treaty, but still it was enforced by the federal government. Sixteen-thousand men, women and children were forced to walk over a thousand miles to Oklahoma. A quarter of them died before they even reached their destination. They called the journey the _Trail of Tears_." I wasn't expecting the history lesson, but I could tell by his thoughts that he enjoyed talking about his ancestors. Jacob was proud, and from what he told me he had a very good reason to be.

It was probably a stupid question but I asked anyway, "Because they cried so much?"

He smirked, "No, the people who saw them cried."

I was genuinely impressed. "Oh, that's very courageous. So if you're not a Green Bird or a Brown Viper, what clan are you from?"

"We're called Aniwahya." He replied.

"What does that mean?"

"The Wolf Clan."

My thoughts immediately shifted to the bone-chilling howls that echoed through the forest the night before. The memory made me shift uncomfortably, but I prodded him further. "Does the whole Wolf Clan live here?"

"No, the rest of my family lives in North Carolina, not too far from here. We're the descendants of those who refused to walk the _Trail of Tears_, instead our ancestors hid in the mountains." He was really enjoying my genuine interest and curiosity. Despite the smell, I was enjoying the companionship. I could see how Jacob Black and I could become good friends.

"What's the Wolf Clan known for?"

"We're the keepers and trackers of the wolf. Our most important duty is to act as the protectors of the tribe. We're known for producing the strongest warriors, and the greatest war chiefs."

I furrowed my brows. "Are you still in charge of protecting the tribe?"

His expression was smug. "If the circumstances called for it… yes." I gave him an understanding look. He was very confident in himself to an almost arrogant extent. "Well the specs' ain't gonna catch themselves. I need to get this pole in the water. Do you like trout?" I took that as my cue to leave him alone.

I smiled at him and kept my voice friendly. "I have to be really hungry to eat trout. Thanks for the offer. Well, it was nice to meet you Jacob." I took a step away from him.

He returned with a grin, "Oh you can call me Jake, and it was nice to meet you too. I'll see you around, Eddie."

I replied in an annoyed tone, "You can call me Edward." He chuckled and I turned and began to walk into the woods. I traveled about a hundred yards and sat down under a tall cedar. The grass was wet, but warm. I laid my head back and reflected on all I had just learned.

For the first time in days, I felt really good about where I was. I had a friend, who I didn't want to murder for his blood. I didn't know what was different about him. I thought maybe if Bella's scent was so enticing that there could also be people out there who's scent I found repulsive. Honestly, I didn't care why. I was just glad to talk to someone who thought I was normal. Being in my sanctuary also offered some much needed comfort. I now knew that this was a place that truly understood me. This land knew sadness; it felt the pain of lost love. It would embrace me, and help me get back to my Bella. I would get strong for her, and the moment I was sure I could handle it, I would be in Chicago. I would hold Bella, just as Nagoochee longed to hold his Indian princess.

**A/N: **Most of the legend and all of the history is true. Members of the Wolf Clan really were the protectors of the tribe. That was very convenient. Thanks for reading. Please review!


	14. Chapter 14: Keeping Secrets

**Place of the Lost**

A/N: This chapter is rather fluffy, but it's setting up for bigger things. Hope you enjoy!

_Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Chapter 14: Keeping Secrets**

EPOV:

The rest of the day and evening were fairly quiet and serene. I strolled silently through the forest looking at trees and flowers and listening to the calls of birds. I sat on a large mossy rock by the creek and ran my fingers through the little current. The water was a lot like the venom that flowed through my veins. It too stopped the beating heart of a young lover, but this water was more kind. It let rest come to the one that lost everything. The venom gives life but takes everything else away. I stared into the ripples hoping for some sort of revelation, but it wouldn't come. I desperately longed for just one moment of clarity, a single second where this life made sense. I wanted to tell Jacob everything. I needed to confide in someone, but that was impossible. No one could ever understand what I was going through, except maybe the ghost of a mighty warrior and an Indian princess.

My pants were wet from sitting by the creek. I walked into the woods and gathered some tinder and rocks to build a fire. I arranged the stones in a circle and piled the dry fibrous tinder in the middle. I found a thick stick and large piece of wood. I notched out a small groove in the wood and placed the stick in the hole. I had never actually built a fire like this, but I read about it in one of my books. It was fiction, but I hoped that the author knew what they were talking about. I rubbed the stick between my palm, grinding it into the wood. After half an hour of trial error, I finally had a spark. I took a handful of tinder and lit it. I put large sticks over the burning twigs, and in a few minutes I had a fire. As I watched the flames roar and climb, I felt a satisfying sense of accomplishment. I slid my trousers down my legs and held them close to the fire. They dried quickly and felt extremely warm when I put them back on.

Evening fell, and the fire began to remind me of the flames in my throat. My desire for blood had been manageable since last night, but they roared when I acknowledged them. I needed to hunt. I turned from the fire and walked into the night. I took in a deep breath of forest air. There was a carnivore in the distance. It wasn't a cougar, but the aroma of it's blood was pleasing. I followed the scent through the trees and soon came to a clearing. Moonlight streamed through the break in the forest canopy, illuminating a grassy meadow. Yellow blossoms, washed in white moonbeams dotted the edge of the clearing. It was so beautiful and tranquil, that it momentarily made me forget my thirst. I stopped tracking the animal and took in the scene. I closed my eyes and tried to send the radiant peacefulness to Bella. I didn't want her to worry; I didn't want her heart to break. I made a promise to myself then and there that when this was over, when we could be together safely, I would bring Bella to this meadow and let her feel the peace for herself.

The flames were calling me, and the desire pulled me away from the tranquility. I crouched and gave into the desire. A throaty snarl escaped my lips, and my instincts were in control. Sprinting, through the forest the scent of the carnivore's blood became stronger with every bound. After only a few seconds of running, the creature came into view. A red fox darted through the bushes, and I quickened my pace. It had auburn fur and a white snout. He was cunning, but I was upon the animal in seconds. The small fox went down much quicker and easier than the mountain lion. I found myself missing the sport of the hunt of a larger animal. The blood wasn't as satisfying either, but it calmed the flames.

I left the dead animal on the forest floor and walked back to my fire. I had forgotten to take my shirt off, and there were droplets of blood spattered on my collar. I took the shirt off and walked over to the creek. Beating the white shirt on a rock and dangling it in the rapids, I cleaned the garment the best I could. I pulled the dripping shirt from the water and hung it on a branch over the fire. I tended the fire all night, adding wood and keeping the coals hot.

When the morning mist began to settle over the forest, I pulled my dry shirt from the branch and put the warm garment on my body. Jocassee woke up quickly. Before the horizon blazed with the rising sun, the smell of sizzling bacon filled the breeze that rose from the settlement. It didn't stoke my appetite, but I relished the familiar scent. It made me think of my mother. She was a good cook. I missed her.

I let the flames die down then dipped the rocks in the creek and put them on top of the fire. When the wet stones hit the hot coals a great cloud of steam emerged from the ground, but it melted into the morning mist. I sat in the fog, until the awful smell of my new friend intruded upon my sensitive nostrils. Jacob wasn't far away. I followed his scent through the forest and found him standing a little farther up the stream. His line was already in the water, and he had a deeply focused look on his face.

I stomped my feet loudly and crunched the dead leaves under my boots. He looked up from the water. "Good Morning Jake."

He smiled, "Morning Edward. How'd you sleep out here last night?" His thoughts revealed that he was happy to see me.

I chuckled, "Not a wink." I liked being able to tell the truth.

He had a concerned look on his face, "Do you need another tent or something?"

I grinned at him. It was nice to know that someone cared about me. "No, it's fine. Once I get used to the new atmosphere, I'm sure I'll sleep like a baby."

He appeared to be confused, "I would have thought that you slept very well. Your eyes look much better this morning. They were really bloodshot yesterday."

Damn, I was always giving something away, "Yeah my allergies act up out here."

His tone suddenly became curious, "Did you do something to the old lady at the top of the hill?"

Now I was confused. "What old lady?" "You know, the one who lives in the cabin just over the ridge."

I remembered catching the scent of an elderly woman in the first cabin yesterday, but we never actually spoke. "You're the only person I've met since I got here."

"Oh well, I wonder what her problem is? She's a crabby old bitty." His thoughts were as muddled as mine.

I furrowed my brows and interrupted him. "Jake, what are you talking about?"

"When I was walking home from the stream yesterday, she was standing in her front yard. I waved at her and she called me over. She asked if I had met anyone in the woods that day. I explained to her that you were camping out here for a while. She went ballistic, screaming and yelling at me. She wagged her boney old finger in my face, and told me to stay away from you if I valued my life. That woman is senile." Luckily, his thoughts showed that he didn't believe her.

I started to panic internally. That little old lady was on to me, but how? She must have spotted me when I walked through her yard yesterday. How did she know what I was? I faked a sarcastic laugh, "She must have saw me walking through the valley yesterday. Apparently I made quite a first impression."

He chuckled loudly. "It's all right. She doesn't like anybody, and the feeling is mutual. A lot of people think she's a witch."

I grinned, just a few days before I would have laughed that off. Things had changed. Vampires used to the be a creature of myth. Maybe witches were real too. "What do you believe?"

"Ah, I think it's bullshit. Widow Crowley is no witch, just a lonely, old, crabby woman. She's lived in that cabin since she was a kid. She knows a lot about herbal remedies, but I don't think she's gone to the crossroads to make any midnight deals with the devil. But I will say this, she's damn creepy. She's always out in the early morning, walking through the fog."

My curiosity was raging. "Widow Crowley? So she was married at some point?"

"Yeah, before I was born. She's always been Widow to me. My dad said her husband was mauled to death by an animal when he was out hunting. They don't know if it was a bear or a mountain lion. I guess she has a good reason to be bitter." Alarm bells started to sound in my head. I was almost certain that it was no animal that killed her husband, and she knew it. Jacob continued talking. "But it's best to stay away from her property. She might cast a spell on you." He snickered under his breath.

I smiled, "I won't bother her. Doesn't sound like she's interested in meeting me anyway." That was a lie. I had to talk to this woman. I was fairly certain that she knew about my kind. I could talk to her without hiding, and test my strength around a human who's scent I didn't find completely disgusting. Maybe she could give me my revelation, show me the bright spot in my miserable existence. She was obviously frightened by me, but I didn't want to harm her.

Jacob broke the long silence, "What do you have planned for today?" His thoughts told me that, that wasn't the real question.

"I don't know, a little hiking maybe some hunting." That was all the truth.

"Do you want to help me in the field today? I'll pay you."

He had a big job ahead of him today, and I wanted to be a good friend. The old lady could wait. I peered through the tree cover to catch a glimpse of the sky… overcast. "You don't have to pay me. What are we going to do?"

"Tobacco. There is an extra sickle in the barn. You just cut it off at the bottom of the stalk." I nodded and he pulled his empty line from the water. "Nothing biting again today." He shook his head in disgust. He threw the pole over his back, and I followed him to his house.

Jacob's cabin was small. It looked much like the others, thick logs, rock chimney and three glass windows with no curtains. There was a little dust-covered wooden porch in the front. "Are your parents inside?" I asked. I already knew there was a man in there, and his blood had the same scent as Jacob's. It wasn't as strong, but it was still positively repulsive.

He hung his head, and his tone was soft, "My mother died when I was very young; my dad doesn't get around so well. He was trampled by a horse a few years ago. He just takes care of things around the house." Another thing we had in common.

I looked at him sincerely, "I'm very sorry about your mother."

He nodded, "It's okay, it was a long time ago. Where are your parents?"

My face suddenly turned grave, "They were victims of the influenza, another reason why I left Chicago."

"God man I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me yesterday?" Jacob was a good friend; he hardly knew me and already cared so much.

"I didn't want to burden you with my past."

He scoffed at my apprehension. "It's all right. You can talk to me. I'm you're friend now Edward." I smiled at him. "Would you like to meet my father?" I nodded and we walked through the wooden door of the cabin, stirring up dust under our feet.

"Dad." he called. "I want you to meet some one." The wooden planks on the floor creaked as we walked. I saw a man sitting in a chair in front of the washbasin. He was doing the dishes. His hair was long and black. He had the same high cheek bones as his son, but his face was slightly wrinkled with age.

"Dad, this is the guy I was telling you about, Edward Masen." I waved childishly at his father, but he didn't lift his eye from the dish. "Edward, this is my father."

"Hello Mr. Black." I smiled as I greeted him.

"Call me Billy, it's nice to meet you Edward." He finally looked up and met my gaze. His eyes grew wide, and his hands began to tremble. The plate rattled in his grip.

Jacob interjected, "Well we're going to head out to the field, I'll see you at lunch." Billy nodded but his shocked expression remained unchanged. His voice was shaky "You two be careful out there." Jacob rolled his eyes at him, and I followed him out the door. His father gave me the strangest feeling. He looked like he was terrified of me. Did he know too? Was I that terrible at hiding my secret? The damn old lady saw me once and knew. Billy took one look at me and nearly had a nervous breakdown. Maybe I was imagining it. He didn't tell Jacob to leave me alone. If he really thought I was a vampire, he wouldn't have let his son befriend me.

We walked to the little barn and he threw the large wooden latch on the door and it swung open with a loud creak. The barn was filled with dust, hay and rusty farm tools. He walked to the corner where sickles hung on the wall. He handed me the first one and he took the second. He walked to the back of the barn to a little makeshift closet. He opened the door and pulled out a pair of boots. Tossing them to the ground, he smiled and said "These should fit. Don't want you getting your fancy city boots dirty." I laughed at him; he was so damn patronizing sometimes. My boots had stayed remarkably clean, considering the distance and terrain I had covered. I attributed it to my speed. I kicked off my shoes and reached for the grimy work boots. Tying the laces, I moved toward the door. Jacob led the way to the field.

"I hate this weather." He remarked in an annoyed tone as he stepped out of the barn. It didn't bother me, the elements were not match for the venom. I never felt too cold or too hot. I didn't sweat or shiver. I could understand why a human would hate this kind of weather. The overcast sky was filled with thunderheads, and the air was thick and humid. It felt sticky, and sweat wouldn't evaporate from human skin.

As we reached our destination, I saw long rows of green, leafy, tobacco plants about fifty yards long. Our boots crunched in the rocky soil. Jacob removed the sickle from his shoulder and approached the first plant. "Watch." he said. He slung the long blade with a swift strong stroke at the bottom of the stalk. It fell to the ground and he left it there. "We'll come back and pick up the crop when we're done." He continued on the first row and I started on the second. The sickle felt light in my strong grip, and the work was easy. I could see how it would be hard for a human. You had to hunch over the entire time, it would be back-breaking. I was glad to help Jacob. I could have worked much faster than him, but instead I kept pace.

After cutting about ten plants, I broke the silence. "Was your dad all right back there?"

He gave me a puzzled look, "You noticed that too? He did seem strange. I don't know what the problem was. He's usually an easygoing guy." I returned his confused expression. "Jeez Edward, you have quite an affect on people." He chuckled. "The old lady can't stand you, and you make my mellow father go ape shit. You're lucky I'm an exceptionally friendly person."

I rolled my eyes, and my tone was sarcastic. "And humble too. But seriously, does he not like me or something?"

He shook his head, "I'm sure it wasn't you. Maybe something happened this morning. I'll ask him about it later. Don't worry."

I immediately interjected, "No, don't do that. I don't want him to think I was offended or anything." I didn't need him telling Jacob my secret. He was the only friend I had out here.

He sighed, "Whatever," and continued chopping away at the tobacco. Row after row, I plowed through the field with ease, but I had to continually slow my pace. Jacob was obviously fatigued. Sweat was pouring from his temples, and his breathing was heavy. "Do you want to take a break and go to the river?" I nodded. He dropped his sickle in the dirt and turned to walk out of the field.

I walked slowly behind him and in a few minutes we were standing on the banks of the river. He walked down and kneeled by the flowing water, cupped his hands and splashed his face. I followed suit, sighing and pretending that I was hot and tired. He took a few drinks, and sat on a rock to rest.

Suddenly a weak voice called from the top of the hill in an angry tone, "Jacob Black!" We turned our heads in the direction of the voice, and saw an elderly lady walking towards us.

Jacob groaned in annoyance, "It's Widow Crowley." The woman was tiny, she couldn't have been over five feet tall. Her skin was pale. Her face was wrinkled, and her hair was white but long. She had it pulled back in a tight bun. She wore a blue dress with yellow flowers and a white apron.

She was fuming, "Unless you have a death wish, you best listen to me." I just stared at him with a confused look on my face.

He whispered to me under his breath, "I don't want to listen to this. Thank you for your help. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

I chuckled lightly as her yelling got louder. "See ya Jake."

She was standing directly over us and continued to scream, "Just wait til' your father hears about this. He'll hang you up by your toes." I tried to conceal my laughter

Jacob hung his head and turned to walk away, "I was just leaving Widow Crowley. You have a nice day." His tone was annoyed and sarcastic. He walked back towards the field and I stayed seated no the rock.

Now it was my turn. "And you…You best get out of here before I tell the whole your town your secret. Your kind isn't welcome here; I'm not afraid." Her thoughts told me a very different story. She was terrified of me, and her little stunt was just an effort to save Jacob's life. That was very kind of her. I guess underneath it all the bitter old witch did have a kind heart.

I smiled at her, trying to reassure her that I meant no harm. I needed her help. I needed to confide in her. I had to know what she knew. Maybe she could give me the thing I desperately needed more than anything else…hope. "I'm sorry to frighten you m'am. Please if you'll just let me explain myself, I think you'll understand. May I speak with you alone?"

**A/N: **I love the Jacob/Edward bro'mance. The lady better not ruin it! Thanks for reading. Please review!


	15. Chapter 15: The Witch of the Mist

**Place of the Lost**

A/N: Sorry it took forever to update, very busy weekend. Edward learns a lot in this chapter. Hope you enjoy!

_Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Chapter 15: The Witch of the Mist**

EPOV:

She scoffed at my question, "What do you want from me?"

I sighed and pleaded with her, "Ma'm, you have my word. I mean you and everyone else here no harm." Her gaze was piercing and her tone was stern, "Your word is no good here." She suddenly hung her head, "But I have no choice. I can't outrun you. You're much stronger than me, and at least the death will be swift."

"M'am!" She was making me feel like a monster again not to mention getting on my last damn nerve. The self-loathing began to creep back into my fragile psyche. "Look, I'm not going to hurt you. I understand that you don't trust me, but I need your help."

She wore a perplexed expression. "What can I possibly do for _you_?" Her tone was demeaning.

She really was an irritating old witch. "This isn't a conversation that should be shouted over the river. Can we move it to a more private location?"

"Fine, follow me." She sneered. I put my hands on the wet rock and lifted myself to my feet. I lithely skipped across the tops of submerged stones to the opposite river bank where she stood waiting on me. Her expression looked as if I was marching her off to the guillotine, and her thoughts weren't much better. When I made it to her side, she refused to look me in the eye. Instead she turned away and stomped angrily towards her cabin. When we reached the front door, she pushed it open with one hand and motioned for me to come in. "Have a seat at the table." She pointed to a room in the back of the cabin.

I stepped into her living room. The interior of the cabin smelled of pine. There was a small black couch in front of a large rock fireplace filled with gray ashes. On the mantle above the fireplace, sat a glass vase filled with a large bouquet of red wildflowers. There were no pictures on the wall, and only two windows. Instead of curtains, she hung a long white sheet in front of each window. I continued out of the living room through the doorway into the kitchen and dining area. There was a square dark wooden table with four chairs. I pulled one of them out and sat down; she wasn't far behind.

Her voice was calm and her face expressionless. "Now, tell me your name and why you're so eager to talk to me."

I sighed deeply, " My name is Edward Masen. I'm new to this life, and I want to know everything, you know about my kind." I hesitated on the second part of my question.

"Is that all?" She asked.

I tried to put this as delicately as possible. "Um… I heard you were involved in supernatural pursuits."

"You think I'm a witch?" She answered curtly.

"I heard something like that, yes. Is it true?"

"Well I guess that depends on your definition of a witch." She was being deliberately evasive, and her thoughts didn't clear anything up.

"So you don't fly on a broomstick?" I chuckled lightly.

Her face was stern, "So you don't sleep in a coffin?"

"Why don't you tell me what you _do _do? I said in an annoyed tone.

A wry smile broke out across her face. "I dabble in divination. I've experimented with various hexes, curses and potions, with little success. But I mostly work with ordinary herbal remedies. People like to call me a witch, until their baby gets pneumonia. Then who do you think they're running to?"

I hung my head in defeat, "Oh. So you can't help me then?"

"What exactly did you think I could do for you boy?"

"I just hoped that maybe you'd know how to reverse this and make me human again. Maybe there was some magical cure to my impossible condition. I thought you might know how to stop my depraved cravings for blood."

She laughed sarcastically, "Child, it's going to take a lot more than an old mountain woman to get rid of what you got. You _are_ new to this life aren't you?"

I nodded, "Yes m'am. It's only been about a week."

Her chin nearly dropped to the floor, "When you said new, I thought you meant five or six years. But for a week, you have remarkable control. But let me give you a piece of advice Edward. Don't spend your time searching for someone to reverse this. That would be sentencing yourself to an eternity of disappointment." Her thoughts revealed that during the course of our short conversation she had started to develop compassion towards me. It made me feel good, like maybe I wasn't a terrible person.

I shrugged my shoulders in defeat. "It was a worth a try."

"You don't know what you're asking do you?" I shook my head. "I'm not certain how much truth there is in this tale, but it's what I've always heard." I motioned for her to continue. "Are you familiar with Genesis?"

"I've read the first chapter of the Bible."

"Good, then you know about Cain and Abel." I nodded yes. "They were of course the sons of Adam and Eve. Cain was jealous of Abel, because God favored his offering over Cain's. In a furious rage, Cain killed his brother and became the world's first murderer. As punishment for his crime, God banished Cain from the soil that was soaked in his brother's blood. Cain was worried that he would be killed in the wilderness, so God placed a protective mark on his head, and no one was able to murder him. He then left God's presence and was forced into a life of aimless wandering. Now, this where the story deviates from the Good Book." I nodded and continued to listen intently.

"Cain was wrought with guilt. He wanted nothing more than to die, but not even he could kill himself. He prayed for death, but he was no longer in the presence of God… Someone else replied to his pleas. Satan himself sent a demon to Cain in the form of a beautiful woman called Lilith. He took the woman as his wife, and she tried to kill him multiple times. Not even she could break through the protective mark of God. Lilith bore Cain a child, half-human and half-demon. It's said that their child was strong, pale and craved human blood. Cain hated the infant, and he left him in the desert to die. Years later, a woman found the pallid baby, with eyes black as coal, still alive in the sand. Her compassion wouldn't allow her to leave him. She had no way of knowing that this was no ordinary child. When she took him in her arms, he bit her. He was too small to kill the woman, but soon her skin became pale, and she too craved human blood." Her voice suddenly became soft, "Do you see Edward? You're asking me to undo an ancient curse brought about by the evil workings of Satan himself."

I tried to cover my disappointment with sarcasm. "A tall order isn't it?" She smiled compassionately. "So that means I'm damned already?"

"I'm certain that's not the case. We're all afflicted by the devil in some way or another. We all have impulses that are difficult to control. Your's are just a little less conventional than others. You can't be blamed for a life you didn't choose Edward. There's no use trying to change it. It's out of your hands now."

"So what do I do?" I asked.

"What do any of us do? We make the best out of what life has given us. We have no chance at happiness if we let our circumstances defeat us. It's about perseverance and fighting for what you want."

I could have left that second, and I would have gotten everything I had come for. She gave me hope and strengthened my resolve, but my curiosity wasn't satiated. "How do you know so much about our kind?"

"Edward, I've lived in this valley for a very long time. I've seen many things, and you're not the first of your kind to stumble on to Jocassee. This ground has been cursed since the day the Chief's daughter drowned. The mist is powerful, misery and evil are drawn here. I was under the impression that you were part of the second category, but my opinion is quickly changing. I can see that you're a tortured soul Edward… not unlike myself."

I furrowed my brows, "What do you mean?"

She flashed a sad smile, and a single tear flowed down her wrinkled cheek. "I wasn't always a widow, you know. I had a handsome husband." She got up from the table, shuffled across the kitchen and slid open a wooden drawer. She picked up a wrinkled sepia tone photograph and laid it on the table. "That's my Tyler." she whispered. "The day before we were married." He was a tall man with dark hair and bronze skin. He wore a white dress shirt and black tie. "He was half-Cherokee, part of the Long Hair Clan. They were the peacemakers of the tribe. We spent many happy years in this cabin, but he's been gone over twenty-years now."

I hesitated but I had to know the answer, "I don't mean to prod, but how did he die?"

She shook her frail little head, "It's a very long and complicated story."

"You don't have to tell me if it's too painful, but I'm not exactly pushed for time." I smiled wryly.

She giggled, "I guess you're not. But I must warn you Edward, this story is going to yet again change your perception of the world."

Oh God, what else was I going to find out this week? Nothing made sense anymore. "It's okay, I'd really like to know what happened."

"All right, I'll tell you if you're sure. He woke up to go deer hunting early one morning. The mist still laid heavy over the valley. He kissed me on the cheek and slipped quietly out the door. I had a hard time going back to sleep; there was a very uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach."

"I get that feeling a lot lately."

She nodded and continued, "No one knows for sure exactly what happened next. He was walking by the river, and apparently he met one of your kind. It's likely that he _too_ was being hunted. Tyler was attacked by a vampire, and bitten on the neck. But, he didn't die. Before the evil creature could drink the life from his body, he was scared away."

My mouth dropped in shock, "What? What could have possibly scared a vampire away from its prey?"

She paused for a second trying to gather her muddled thoughts. "This is where things get complicated. How much do you know about Jacob Black?"

Her question perplexed me. What did Jacob have to do with any of this? "Not much really, why?"

Her gaze was intense and her tone eager. "Did he tell you about his clan?"

"Yes, the Wolf Clan. They're the protectors of the tribe." I replied, as I recalled the stories he told me by the river.

"Right." She nodded.

I still didn't understand. "How big is the clan? It must have taken hundreds of them to frighten a vampire."

She shook her head no. "Two of them lived here at the time, Billy and his father Ephraim."

I threw my hands in the air in disbelief. "Two of them? Are you shittin' me lady?" In my extreme astonishment, I forgot my manners.

She chuckled lightly. "Jacob's family isn't normal. He too is connected to the mythical."

I was intrigued to say the least, but her thoughts were still worried. Jacob and I had even more in common than I thought, "Is he a vampire too?" He didn't look like any vampire I had seen before, but I didn't know of any other creature that could threaten the life of our kind.

She breathed a heavy sight, and spoke in a soft troubled tone. "No, Jacob's family aren't vampires." She closed her eyes and paused for a long time. "They're werewolves Edward."

My chin nearly hit the floor. It was so obvious, the Wolf Clan. I couldn't believe I didn't make the connection earlier. I thought the venom made my mind sharper. But what did this all mean? Did Jacob turn into a drooling, howling beast in the full moon? "So what are you saying? Do I need to leave during the full moon?"

"No, that's a myth. The Wolf Clan is proud, they only morph into their animal form when it's impossible for them to defend the tribe as men. It's an adaptation they gained out of necessity. Vampires have preyed on the Native Americans for many years. According to legend, the men of the Wolf Clan sought protection from the cold ones. So their shaman prayed to the Great Spirit for a defense. When the shaman went to sleep that night, he had a vision. He saw wild wolves ripping a vampire apart, and the next day he told the Chief what he had dreamed."

"Jacob wouldn't kill me." I interjected.

She raised her hand in the air, signaling for me to stop talking. "Hold on Edward, let me finish. The Chief ordered a brotherhood ritual with the wolves. This ceremony was normally used to make peace with a warring tribe. In the ritual the leader of each tribe cut their hand and let the blood drip into a clay pot filled with black drink."

I furrowed my brows, "What is black drink?"

She sighed in annoyance, "Don't interrupt, I'll explain everything." I couldn't help but crack a smile. I crossed my arms over my chest and nodded my head in compliance. "Black drink was a liquid made from brewing Yaupon Holly leaves. The Cherokees believed that black drink purified the soul. Each tribal elder drank the bloody liquid from the pot. By consuming the mixture, each man was purged of his transgressions against the other and accepted the opposing tribe as blood brothers. Then to complete the ritual the two chiefs gripped each other's bloody hands and raised them into the air triumphantly, signifying their permanent kinship. However in this case, members of the clan trapped a wolf. They cut his leg and collected the blood, pouring it into the pot with the blood of the chief and the black drink. The elders and the wolf all drank the mixture. It was said that the clan was so close to the wolves that the animal didn't howl or bark during the ceremony. The animal even allowed the chief to grip his wounded leg with his bloody hand, and the creature didn't release a single whimper of protest."

"So did they turn into wolves after the ritual?" I asked earnestly.

She huffed loudly, "I'm getting there Edward. The next time a member of the tribe saw a cold one in the woods, he alerted the rest of the Cherokee people. Naturally everyone was in a fearsome panic. And… As if I a roaming vampire wasn't enough, there was a disease spreading among the youngest, healthiest men of the Wolf Clan. They all had raging fevers, sore aching bodies and crippling fatigue. They didn't venture outside for days. Very late one night, the cold one snuck into the cabin of the sick men. But when he tried to attack one of them, they all changed… just like that." She snapped her boney little fingers. "They became gigantic fearsome wolves and ripped the vampire apart. In their glee, the rest of clan burnt the pieces and danced around the peculiar purple fire. They thanked the Great Spirit for sending them protection from the cold ones."

I stroked my chin as I pondered the implications of her story. "So we aren't as invincible as I thought?"

"That's how nature works Edward. Everything is about balance. Things survive because everything has the potential to be destroyed. Jacob's family is God's answer to Satan's curse of the indestructible creature." Her voice became stern, as she stared coldly into my eyes. "He is your balance, and thus your one mortal enemy." Her thoughts told me that she was telling the truth, but I didn't believe what she was saying. She was wrong; she didn't understand us.

I scoffed at her, "Jacob isn't my enemy. He's my friend."

She shook her head. "Edward, I'm warning you. His heart beats with the hot blood of a wolf. If you ever cross him, if he ever feels threatened by you, he _will_ change. Both of your lives will be in danger."

I took her warning seriously, but I didn't see any problem with remaining friends with Jacob. I didn't plan on making him angry, or telling him my secret. I'd be careful, and I wasn't going to stay in Jocassee forever. Oddly enough, it wasn't the fact that he was supposed to be my enemy that baffled me, but the fact that another mythical creature even existed at all was mind boggling. What else was there in this world? I sighed deeply and instinctively rubbed my eyes with my fists.

"Are you all right?" She asked with a concerned expression on her wrinkled face.

"I'm fine. It's just that these things shouldn't even exist. Last week's impossible is today's reality, and it's so hard to deal with."

Her mouth formed a half-grin "You're surprised that werewolves exist?" I nodded yes and she giggled. "Edward, you're a vampire. Nothing should surprise you anymore."

I smiled and shook my head in disbelief, "Good point."

"I've found that the older I get, the more fairy tales I believe in. The world is a mystical place, people just choose to ignore the incredible wonders occurring right before their eyes. That's why I walk in the mist in the morning. When my physical sight is at its worst, my spiritual eye is sharp. That's when I first spotted you. Open your mind Edward, nothing is impossible."

I nodded in agreement, and suddenly I remembered she never finished her story. "If you don't mind, will you finish telling me what happed to your husband? You said he didn't die."

A sad expression crept back into her weathered features. "No, he didn't die, but he was bitten. I'm sure you understand what that experience is like. I was told that he writhed on the forest floor in agony, screaming to be put out of his misery. The wolves knew what was happening to him, and they couldn't risk the safety of the rest of the tribe. It hurt them deeply, but they were forced to kill their own. Ephraim and Billy came to the cabin early that afternoon and explained what had happened. I wanted to hate them, but they were trying to save him. If it hadn't been for them, he would have died anyway but that doesn't take the anger away. I'm still so sad and bitter over what I lost." Tears flowed down the creases in her face. I pursed my lips and reached my hand out across the table to comfort her. She gripped my cold fingers in her trembling hand, and I could feel the blood rushing through her veins. It made the flames roar in my throat, but I managed to control the urge. There were more important things on my mind… Bella.

"I'm very sorry you lost your husband, and I truly apologize for asking this question but I have to know the answer." She wiped a tear from her cheek and nodded. "If you could have chosen what would have happened to your husband that day, what would you have wanted? Would you have let him become a vampire, or did you want him to die a mortal's death?"

She rested her head in the palm of her hands. Her face was wracked with worry. "This is very selfish of me, but if he had become a vampire we would have still had a chance. Especially now seeing your strength, it's obvious that it isn't impossible. Vampires can live safely among humans. We could have been together for the rest of my life. Then if he wished, he could have provoked the wolves. They would have killed him. I never got that choice, others chose this life of solitude for me. I guess that explains some of my bitterness. He didn't have to die, but neither he nor I was given the opportunity to choose…Why do you ask?"

A small, longing smile broke out across my face. "I have a girl back in Chicago. She's beautiful, and I love her. We were going to get married, before all of this happened. I'm incredibly torn. I know it isn't completely safe to be around her. Her blood is the most intoxicating I have ever smelled, but I don't want to give up on the life we planned to spend together."

"I see." Her expression was contemplative.

"What do you think I should do?" I asked.

"I can't tell you what to do, this is a delicate situation. But as I said before, I always wanted the opportunity to choose."

**A/N: **Oh our poor Edward. His life is so complicated! Thanks for reading! Please Review!


	16. Chapter 16: What a Tangled Web We Weave

**Place of the Lost**

A/N: Be warned the language in this particular chapter is rather foul, my apologies.

_Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Chapter 16: What a Tangled Web We Weave…**

EPOV:

That's what I was going to give Bella, the opportunity that Widow Crowley and I never had. When I was strong enough to be in her presence, I'd give her the choice. I'd explain everything to her: how I craved blood, and I never aged. Then she could decide. She could be with the new cursed version of myself, or if she wanted, I would leave her. Bella could have a new life. Thinking of that hurt me deeply and made my chest tighten. Anger flared in my eyes. What if she didn't want me? What if she had already moved on…found someone else? I pulled my hands away from the widows, and buried my face in my palms. I scolded myself internally for being bitter over Bella's potential happiness. She deserved better than me, better than this life. If she decided to move on, I should be glad for her.

The widow began to tap her fingertips lightly on the wooden table, breaking the long silence. "What are you thinking?" She asked. "You look so angry and frightened."

I sighed deeply and spoke in a soft tone. "When I'm able, I'm going to give Bella a choice. I'm just worried she won't choose me, and this life. But I feel terrible for wanting her to pick the monster I've become and this strange existence."

She gave a half-smile. "Well you shouldn't feel bad Edward. That really isn't your decision to make. You just need to prepare yourself to accept every possible outcome. If she doesn't want to be with you, be happy because she'll live a normal life. If she does want to be with you, be happy because she obviously loves you… unconditionally."

"You're right, but it's still difficult."

"Of course it's difficult Edward! But it's all you can do. Please don't worry yourself, it'll only make you miserable. You're a good person Edward Masen, everything will turn out all right."

"How can you say that? I thought that you of all people would know that good things don't always happen to good people."

"I didn't say that only good things happen to good people, but everything does work out for good, in the end. After I lost my husband, I began studying herbal remedies. Do you know how many lives that knowledge has saved? I believe that's my life's purpose. I hate that it took a tragedy for me to discover it, but I've helped many people."

I nodded in agreement. "You've helped me."

A wide grin broke out across her wrinkled face, "Have I?"

I took her hand again. "More than you'll ever know." A tear ran down her cheek. She was deeply touched by my gratitude. "Well m'am, I better get going. I think I'm in the mood for mountain lion." I smiled wryly and she giggled. "Thank you for everything."

"You're very welcome Edward, it was wonderful to meet you. I wish you the best of luck, and you're welcome here anytime. If you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to ask."

"Yes m'am, I appreciate your kindness." I stood up from the table and pushed in my chair. It squeaked across the floor and I turned to make my way to the door. Widow Crowley stood up and followed behind me. I walked back through the living room, admiring the beautiful vase full of red flowers. The color reminded me of the shade Bella's cheeks blushed when I kissed her.

Reaching the front door, I turned back to the widow and waved goodbye. She smiled genuinely. "Goodbye Edward, be careful." The screen door swung closed behind me, and I walked out into the afternoon sun. We had spent at least two hours talking, Jacob was probably inside having lunch by now. I wanted to speak with him, but I wasn't going back to his house. Billy definitely knew my secret, and I didn't want to stir up any trouble. I wished I had never met that man. Jacob was going to be very suspicious now.

At the moment, I was concerned with other things. Being around the widow for so long made my thirst nearly unbearable. I liked hunting under the cover of night, but it couldn't wait. I was parched, and I needed something big. I lifted my head into the air and took a deep breath… humans. I wanted their blood, and I had depraved visions of callously murdering them to quench my thirst. As much as I wanted it, I couldn't let myself give in. I began to walk back toward the woods, trying to catch the scent of some suitable prey.

It took over an hour, but I finally tracked down a mountain lion. He was sleeping in his den…too easy. I really wanted a fight, but at least it quenched my fiery thirst. I took my time walking back to my camp. My shirt was blood stained again so I knew I'd have to wash it and build a fire.

It was late afternoon when I made it back to the river. I stripped my shirt off my pale lanky frame and knelt by the water. I found the same little rapid I used before and held my shirt in the rushing white stream. While I was cleaning the shirt, a foul odor filled the air around me. It had to be Jacob. I finally understood why his blood smelled like rotting garbage and wet dog.

"Edward!" His familiar voice echoed through the trees.

I replied loudly, "I'm over here Jake!" I heard his feet crunching leaves across the forest floor. The odor grew stronger with every step he took in my direction.

"Oh here you are." He exclaimed. "I brought your boots back." He tossed my shiny brown boots to the ground by my fire pit. "What are you doing?" I rolled my eyes at the obviousness of his question.

I smirked at him and spoke in a sarcastic tone. "What does it look like?"

"What did you get on your shirt?"

I didn't want to say blood. I could say I was hunting, but I didn't have a carcass or any weapons. I sighed deeply and lied. "Just some dirt."

He furrowed his brows in confusion. "Do you not have any other clothes with you?" He was starting to pry, and it was getting on my nerves.

He was forcing me to lie to him, and I hated that. "Of course I do, they're in my tent. It's just a short walk from here."

His eyes narrowed as he gazed at me intently. Jacob's thoughts revealed that he was suspicious. He knew something strange was going on. I pulled my shirt from the river and walked back up the bank. I hung the shirt on the tree, and turned back to my friend. "Can I have my boots back?" he asked in a quiet voice.

"Oh yeah sure, sorry." I bent down to untie the laces, but when I grabbed them between my fingertips I felt something wet. I opened my hands and examined my white digits… red. They were covered in the blood of the mountain lion. I looked up at Jacob; his eyes were wide and confused. Shit! I cursed myself internally. I knew I still smelled blood, but I thought it was from my shirt.

Jacob spoke in a stern tone. "Why is there blood on my shoes?"

I answered quickly, "I apologize, I was hunting earlier." He didn't believe me.

"With what?" he prodded me on.

"Bow."

"What did you kill?" His thoughts revealed that he was going to interrogate me now, try to back me into a corner.

"Just a small rabbit."

"Where is the kill?"

"At my camp."

"Are you cooking it?"

"No not yet."

"It's hot today, the meat will spoil fast in this heat."

"You're right, I should get back to it." I unlaced the bloody boots as quickly as possible and slid them off my feet. I turned to walk away.

His voice was loud and stern. "There's no camp up there." He was certain of that fact, but I still denied it.

I tried to sound as innocent as possible, "Of course there is."

"Edward, I've walked along the river for the past two hours. There is no tent, no food, no fire…nothing, not a single shred of evidence that a person is living in these woods."

I responded angrily to his accusatory statement, "What exactly are you suggesting?"

His eyes narrowed, "I have no idea, but I do know that something is very wrong here."

I chuckled falsely and tried to lighten my tone, "Jake, you're being ridiculous. Everything is fine."

He balled his fists tightly, and spoke with venom. "Cut the bullshit Edward!"

I remained calm, shrugging my shoulders as if I didn't know what he was talking about, "I thought we were friends."

"I hate being lied to."

"I'm not lying to you."

"Fine. You can either be a man and tell me what the hell is going on here, or I'll get my father and the widow to tell me. Either way I'm going to know the truth."

"You have no idea what you're asking!"

"Don't fuck with me Edward."

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try me." He replied coldly.

"Fine!" I finally gave in. "Sit down." I ordered in a stern tone.

"Don't talk to me like a child, you ungrateful bastard."

"Ungrateful? What the hell have you done for me?"

"I was your friend Edward! When you had no one else."

I scoffed. "Bullshit! Who was cutting your damn tobacco this morning?"

"You think that makes up for lying to me?"

"Okay Jake. You want the fucking truth?"

"Yes damn it!"

"I'm a vampire." I loudly blurted the words.

He thought I was screwing with him. "I should knock your fucking teeth out."

I took two slow steps toward him. "Go ahead." He narrowed his eyes and reared back his fist. He stared at me for several seconds, seething with anger. Then with all of his strength he delivered a right hook to my jaw…I didn't move. He was confused. "I'm telling the truth. Let me prove it to you." Still fuming, he nodded tensely. I leapt with ease across the river, then darted through the forest with lightning speed, narrowly avoiding trees and rocks. He was so shocked, it was almost as if his thoughts were stuttering. Jacob didn't know what to think. I stopped my sprint and turned back towards the river where he was standing, chin on the ground. I spotted a single beam of sunlight streaking through the trees. His gaze followed me intently as I moved. I stepped hesitantly into the light, my skin glistened like diamonds in the sun. "Believe me now?" I shouted in his direction.

Jacob buried his face in his hands. He couldn't speak right away. I sprinted to his side. He uttered in an emotionless tone. "What the hell was that?" He braced himself on a tree and slid down to the ground. Resting his elbows on his knees, he stared with blank eyes at the ground… just shaking his head.

I couldn't help but chuckle, "Are you all right?" He looked up at me wide-eyed and shrugged his shoulders. I sat down beside him. "Let me explain." He didn't say a word, but his thoughts told me he was curious. I tried to keep it as simple as possible. "I was dying of the influenza, and my doctor promised my mother that he would do everything he could to keep me alive. I'm sure she didn't realize what he actually had the power to do. He wasn't able to save my human life, so he bit me… and well.. here I am." I chuckled at my lightness.

Terror gleamed in Jacob's eyes. "Are you going to kill me?"

I smirked at him. "No. You're blood smells disgusting to me."

He sighed in relief and finally laughed. "Should I be offended by that?"

"No, trust me that's a very good thing."

"How can you even be out here? Doesn't sunlight burn your skin?"

"No that's a myth. I don't sleep in a coffin. In fact, I don't sleep at all. My body is rock hard, my speed is unmatched, and I don't age. I think that about sums it up."

"Oh, do you drink blood? The blood of people I mean?"

"I crave human blood, but I've decided to live off the blood of animals. Mountain lion is my favorite so far. Sorry about your shoes."

He smirked. "So you're an altruistic monster." I cringed at his choice of words. "How long have you been a vampire anyway?"

"About a week."

Jacob snorted loudly then burst into hysteric laughter. "This is so weird." He choked out the word between chuckles.

My eyes widened "How do you think I feel?"

"I can't even imagine."

"Does this mean you aren't mad at me anymore?" I asked.

"I'm too confused to be pissed off." He paused for a second. "No wait, I _am_ still mad. Why did you let me punch you?"

"You didn't believe me."

"I nearly broke my hand!"

"Sorry Jake, some people have to learn the hard way." I snickered as he clutched his throbbing fist.

"You know, if you weren't a freak of nature you'd be laid out on the ground right now." He paused and smirked…"Crying!"

I rolled my eyes at his overconfidence, "Whatever you have to tell yourself." I might have been from the city, but I was still a carpenter's son. I was just as accustomed to physical labor as he was. My muscles were longer and leaner than his, but I could have taken him…easily.

Jacob's expression suddenly became stern, "Now, tell me what you're really doing here. Surely the flu is no match for a vampire?"

I sighed loudly and rubbed my temples. "I had to get out of the city. The temptation was too great." "What kind of temptation?"

"Blood… too many people. I'm still trying to strengthen my self-control."

His dark eyes narrowed. His voice was quiet and serious. "Does that mean you lost control?" I hung my head, ashamed of the monster I had become in the alley that night. He saw my expression, and began to shout. "You did! Didn't you? You killed someone!"

My words were full of anguish. "Jacob, this isn't something I'm proud of."

He scoffed, "You're a murderer." His mind was racing with horrified thoughts.

I tried to remain calm, but his words were ripping me apart. He was calling me everything I wanted to believe that I wasn't. "I won't deny that, but if it's any consolation he tried to stab me. I was walking around the city, just after I had been changed. I saw him in an alley, he was hitting a woman."

He stared at me thoughtfully, "Sounds like he deserved it."

"No, he didn't. Or he might have, but either way it wasn't my place to decide. I had no right to kill him, and I feel terrible about it. It torments me, makes me feel inhuman."

Jacob looked concerned, "I'm sorry Edward. I shouldn't have brought it up."

"No don't apologize. You have a write to know. I wouldn't want to be friends with a murderer."

"I'm still you're friend Edward. I understand why you lied, and I understand why you killed that guy. You said he tried to stab you. If you had been hu…" He tripped over the word and corrected himself, "your normal self, then he would have killed you."

"But it's not like I was doing it in self-defense." I countered. "He couldn't have hurt me."

"You may not have done it in self-defense, but it was in defense of someone else. A woman, who couldn't fight him off. You may have saved her life. You shouldn't feel bad about that."

I hated the look of pity in his eyes. I didn't want him to feel sorry for me, but the fact that he cared meant a lot. Despite everything, he still thought of me as his friend. "Thanks Jake. I appreciate you being so understanding about all this. I know it's kind of shocking."

He smiled. "If I hadn't seen it for myself, I wouldn't have believed it. But there's no denying it now. It's sort of exciting though. I feel like I'm in on some sort of great secret."

I chuckled lightly, "It's not too great."

He stared blankly into the forest. "No I mean, it just changes my entire perspective on the world. You're a fantasy come to life."

I laughed loudly, and winked at him, "I didn't know you found me so attractive."

He rolled his eyes, "Shut up, you know what I mean."

"I know it's insane. People think they have it all figured out, when in reality they know so little about the world that exists right before their eyes."

"Yeah, I can't wrap my head around it." A thoughtful look marked his bronze features. "Did you make all that stuff up about having a girlfriend too?"

"No, why would you say that?"

"Well nothing else you told me was the truth, what am I supposed to think? I thought you were trying to impress me or something?"

I snorted loudly; his was being serious. Jacob could be so immature sometimes. "I'm sorry, but no Bella is very very real."

His mouth curved into a half smile, "Bella, that's a pretty name. What are you going to do about her, you know, with your… condition?" He spoke the word like I had psoriasis or something.

"I'm going to get strong for her. Then I'll go back to Chicago and tell her everything. Then she can make her choice."

"Oh, well that's brave of you. What if she says no?"

"All I can do is give her a choice. I wouldn't blame her if she didn't want to be with me anymore."

"I'd like to help you with this one, but your problems are so far out of my league." He raised his head to look at the sky. "It's getting late. My dinner is probably already cold."

I nodded a goodbye in his direction, "Thanks, for everything Jake. Good night."

"No problem Eddie." I scowled at the nickname. He smiled and lifted himself off the ground. He picked up the bloody boots and turned to walk back into the valley.


	17. Chapter 17: A True Friend

**Place of the Lost**

A/N: This chapter is fluffy but important! Hope you enjoy!

_Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Chapter 17: A True Friend**

EPOV:

After Jacob left I spent the entire night in deep contemplation. I strolled by the river, surrounded by the haunting sounds of the night forest and the peaceful rhythm of rushing water. I kicked a stone along the bank, and watched the white rock roll as it glistened in the moonlight. As usual, I was worried about Bella: worried that she hadn't understood my note, worried that she was distraught, and most of all worried that she had moved on. If I was going to give her a choice, it wasn't fair to let her think I was dead. I had to send a message to her somehow and tell her to wait on me. I wouldn't explain anything yet, but just tell her that I was alive, and I loved her. I wished I had never sent that letter in the first place. It had to hurt Bella, I know it did. Even if she did know something about it was suspicious, it would have still been painful for her. She was probably going to be angry at me about that, but I couldn't blame her. I shouldn't have tried to placate Carlisle, he wasn't my father. I didn't have to listen to him.

That's what I would do today. I'd find Jacob, ask for some paper and a pen then I'd write a letter to Bella. He would mail it for me, he wasn't mad about yesterday anymore. His hand probably felt better today. When I made that decision it was like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. The fact that Bella probably thought I was dead was a burden I couldn't hardly stand to bear. It felt so good to finally be doing something for her, something that would make her happy. Or was it just something that would make me happy? I couldn't allow myself to think like that, Bella would be happy that I was alive.

The morning mist was beginning to settle on the mountain. It laid heaviest over the river, giving it the appearance of a still river of clouds. I was starting to love the fog, it reminded me of sleep. Or maybe not sleep exactly, but the groggy period between sleep and waking. It was the time when the body was deathly still and relaxed, and thoughts were hazy half dreams that flowed slowly like thick honey. I liked to lay on the wet grass of the river bank, letting the mist wash over me. It wasn't cool to me like it would have been on my old skin, but the dampness was refreshing. It deadened my sharp senses, and made me feel almost human again.

Rays of sunlight started to streak through the fog. One beam fell upon me and lit my granite skin aglow. I stared at the sparkling flesh on my pallid arm. Grimacing, I had to move into the shade. I was disgusting, all of the ever so _endearing_ qualities of Dracula, in Frankenstein's body. How could Bella ever love this?

Soon the smell of breakfast began to rise up out of the valley, and I wouldn't have to wait long to speak to Jacob. I was so excited about writing the letter to Bella, that I wanted to run to his house the second the sun came up. But after the look Billy gave me the first time I came to his house, I figured it was better to lay low. I didn't want to stir up any trouble, or give Jacob any reason to resent me. I hoped he wouldn't talk about me to his father at all. But I'm sure Billy had warned him about me, what kind of father let his son befriend strange vampires in the woods? I chuckled at the preposterousness of the thought.

I silently made my way to the edge of the forest and found a shady place to sit until I could find Jacob. I thought I could see smoke rising from his rock chimney just over the ridge, but I couldn't be sure if that was coming from his cabin. I sat there picking damp blades of grass, and splitting them in my fingers for at least an hour. Finally I caught the familiar scent of wet dog. I spotted Jacob walking up the road, cane pole in hand, and a determined look on his face. I wondered if he ever caught anything, or if he just fished for the therapeutic benefits.

I shouted his name through the clearing fog, "Jake!" He looked up and motioned for me to come over. I put my hands in the wet grass and lifted myself off the ground. My clothes were damp from spending the entire morning in the mist. My pants clung to my legs uncomfortably as I moved. I was sprinting towards him, making it to his side in a flash. He looked somehow different today, taller and more muscular, but that was impossible. Maybe my eyes and memory were better than I thought. Maybe I could perceive minuscule changes in someone's height? Either that or I was imagining things. I skidded through the grass to his side.

His eyes were wide and his heart pounding, "God Edward, you've got to stop doing that."

I smirked, "Sorry, I need a favor."

He scowled, "Well good morning to you too, buddy." He was right, that was rude of me but this was important.

"Good morning Jake. I'm sorry for forgetting the usual pleasantries, but I've decided to write Bella a letter. I was wondering if you'd let me barrow some paper and a pen."

He smiled, "You're going to tell her now?"

"No, I can't yet. That has to be done in person; she'd never believe it in a letter."

"That's true; she'd think you were being cruel."

I smirked, "Kind of like you?"

"Yes, exactly. So what are you going to go tell her?"

"Just that I'm alive and I love her."

"Aww… aren't you sentimental?"

"Shut up. I just don't want her to worry. So will you mail it for me?"

"Yeah, no problem. Here I'll go get the paper and pen now. Dad is probably still making up the beds. I can sneak into the kitchen. I don't feel like lying to him this morning."

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah lying is hard work."

He grinned, "You would know." He leaned his pole against and rock and turned to walk back down into the valley. Jacob was being so nice about this. I was glad to see that he didn't resent me, even after yesterday.

I leaned against a boulder by the river and waited for him to return. He was back much quicker than I expected. "Edward!" He shouted as he neared the river. I looked in his hands, he wasn't carrying anything no paper, no pen. Maybe he had it in his pocket.

He had a strange look on his face, very thoughtful. "Where's the paper?" I asked.

He smiled, "I changed my mind." Something glinted in his eyes. I furrowed my brows. His thoughts told me that he wasn't mad, but that he was hiding something from me. "What do you mean? You're not going to mail the letter for me?"

He smirked, "No."

"So what are you going to do?"

A wide grin broke out across his face, "Edward, I want to go to Chicago for you."

My chin nearly hit the floor. Why would he want to do that? "What?" was the only word I could utter.

"I've been meaning to get out of Jocassee for a while. Dad said it would be good for me to travel. We've been talking about it for weeks. When you asked me that, I realized that this was my opportunity. I could go to Chicago. I'll talk to Bella, and try to explain this to her. I'll tell her you're alive and you love her. Oh but maybe you should still write a letter for me to give to her. She'll probably think I'm crazy."

I was astonished. He really wanted to do this for me. He wanted to help. "Jake… I don't know what to say. I can't believe you'd do this for me."

"Really, it's no trouble at all. It's damn hot down here, a little trip up north won't hurt anything." "How will your dad get along without you?"

"He can take care of all of the household things, and his friend, Harry Clearwater, said a while ago that he would help him with the crops if I wanted to get away for a while."

"But Jake, I don't think that Chicago is safe right now. What about the influenza? I don't want you getting sick too."

"Don't worry, I won't stay in the city long. Maybe just a night or two so I can tell Bella about you. After that it's off to see Cincinnati, Detroit and New York."

"Well you sound like you have it all figured out."

"Yeah, I'm really excited about it. I'm leaving tomorrow." I let out an audible gasp, "Tomorrow!"

"Yeah, isn't it great. I'm going to go home and pack right now. Well first I'll need to talk to my dad, but I don't think he'll have a problem with it."

"So what? I'll just give you her address and you'll talk to her for me, just like that…"

"Yeah, it's really no problem. I'll send you a letter after I speak with her, if you want."

"That would be great, I really want to know how she's doing." That was so far away from how I actually felt about her. I was physically aching to hear from that girl.

"Well, I'll run home and get your paper and pen. Then you can tell me exactly what you want me to relay to Bella." He turned to walk away. I smiled widely, this was great. I wasn't only going to get to send Bella a letter, but I'd have a friend there. Someone would be by her side to tell her that it was true, to explain to her that only these crazy and impossible circumstances could keep us apart. Things were working out better than I could have ever hoped.

Jacob returned quickly, this time carrying a white sheet of paper and a pen in his hand. "Here you go." He handed me the items and I found a rock with a flat top. Jacob stood over me as I wrote.

"What are you doing?" I asked as he stared at me.

"I just want to know what it says, so I can know what I have to explain. Do you want me to tell her about all the vampire stuff?"

"Only if she really prods you, but don't give in easy. Just tell her what I'm writing is true, and that I'll be back for her when I can."

"No problem, I don't know how I'd explain the vampire thing anyway." "Me either, and I don't want you to have to deal with that. That's something I'll have to do for myself." He nodded. I began to write. _My Dearest Bella, I can't find the words to adequately explain my situation in a way that you could understand. I just want you to know that I love you, and I'm not dead. _I didn't know how true that last part was, but I wasn't dead in the sense that she would understand it. _I'm sorry for lying to you in my last letter, and I deeply regret any pain that it might have caused you. Trust me it is only the most impossible of circumstances that keeps me from you now. I will be back for you Bella as soon as it is safe, and I will explain everything. If you have any questions, you can ask my friend Jacob, but I ask that you let me explain the nature of my condition when I get there. Take care of yourself in my absence. I'm thinking of you constantly. All my love, Edward. _

"Aww." Jacob interrupted my writing.

"What do you think?" I asked.

He nodded. "Sounds good to me. Write her address on the back."

"Good idea." I folded the letter into thirds and scribbled Bella's address on the back. He took it from me and slipped it into his back pocket. "I don't know how to thank you enough for this Jake." "Really Edward, it's nothing. I told you before I was going to travel soon. This will just be another stop on my trip. I'm just glad I could do something to help. You're a good guy." I didn't have to read his thoughts to know that he was being sincere. Jacob really was a good person. The widow had been so wrong about us. Why should I let an ancient rivalry tear down the bonds of friendship?

"You're a good guy too Jake, and a true friend. I really appreciate everything."

"No problem Edward. Well I need to go pack; I've got quite a bit of traveling to do tomorrow."

"How long will it take you to get to Chicago?"

"At least two or three days. Probably more."

"All right, well be careful and have a good time."

"Don't say goodbye yet. I'll come find you tomorrow morning before I leave."

I smiled "I'd like that."

"You don't have to worry about Bella anymore Edward, I know it's been driving you crazy. I'll make sure she knows how you feel, and she'll wait on you. I'm sure she's missing you just as much as you are missing her. It'll be all right, I'll take care of things."

"Thanks Jake."

"Meet me tomorrow morning at dawn, by the sign." He said. I nodded in agreement and he turned to walk away. He didn't move with his usual slow strut, but instead he ran. He was really excited. I couldn't help but be happy for him. But I was more happy for myself, Bella was going to know the truth or at least half of it. What I considered the more important half, that I was alive and I loved her.

I walked back into the woods, now a whole day to kill by myself, but I should probably get used to that. Jacob was going to be gone for a long time. I wouldn't hear from him until he wrote me. I didn't know how he was going to do that. Address the letter to the Jocassee sign or a rock by the river. We'd have to work out that detail tomorrow.

Strolling by the river, I realized that it wouldn't be a bad time to hunt. Then if I got really stir crazy I could go talk to the widow or even try to go into the little town. It looked like a cloudy day. Maybe I could go into a store or something, as a test. If the temptation was too much, I could always leave. But I wasn't too worried if I could handle a night in Chicago then the general store with all of five people in it wouldn't be a problem. Who knows? Maybe their blood would smell like Jacob. I simultaneously cringed and felt relief at that thought.

But before I could even think of seeing people, I needed to hunt. This time I remembered to take my dingy shirt off before I even searched the air for the scent of a predator. I hung it on the tree over the river and scanned the landscape around me. There were deer in the vicinity. It wasn't exactly mountain lion, but it would do. I fell into a crouch and bounded through the forest. I was upon the little doe in a flash.

The animal cooled the fire but killing such an innocent creature was disheartening. I didn't think I'd ever get used to watching the light go out in a living thing's eyes. It was worse than feeling their heart stop, worse than hearing the last heavy heave of their chest. It was like seeing their soul fade. All the shock and terror left their expression and they were just…blank. I shuddered at the thought of the dead eyes of all the things I had killed, a human included.

I shook off the sick feeling that thought gave me and began to make my way back to the river. My shirt was hanging where I left it. That thing looked awful. It looked just like I had walked for days, swam a lake, and hunted mountain lions in it. At home, I took a lot of pride in my appearance. I never had the best, but my clothes were always clean and pressed.

I put the mutilated fabric over my bare chest and then reached into my back pocket. "Yes!" I exclaimed out loud. My wallet was still there. Alice had to have taken care of that because I had no idea what happen to it after I went to the hospital. It wasn't exactly at the forefront of my thoughts since I had changed. I pulled the crumpled leather out of my pocket. I hadn't even noticed it since I left. It was so flat in my back pocket I had assumed it was part of my pants. I opened the wallet. I had twenty dollars, enough to buy a new shirt and trousers. The money was crumpled and withering from the trip but it would still spend.

I looked up and checked through the trees…overcast. It was time for my big test. I walked to the widow's house and traveled down the little dirt road searching for the general store. It was hard to distinguish from the other little cabins. It was nothing but a few logs and a chimney. There were two rocking chairs on a little front porch and a rusted Coca-Cola sign. I stepped on the wooden planks of the porch and reached for the screen door. Taking two steps in it became obvious that the people in here did not smell like Jacob, or even the widow.

Their blood wasn't disgusting or withered and old. It was hot and pulsing, rushing through their veins with vitality. I looked around and saw a young woman behind the counter. She had brown hair and a big false smile. I met her gaze and she looked at me strangely. It took a second for me to realize what she was doing, I think she was attempting a seductive expression. Her painted red lips were pouting, and her eyes raced up and down my lanky frame. It wasn't working, I tried to look as uninterested as possible.

"Can I help you with anything?" She asked in a soft low tone.

"I think I can find what I need." She sighed in response. The store was a tiny one room shack. A few articles of men's clothing were visible in the back. I walked back there, the planks creaking under my feet. I searched through the shirts looking for my size. The best they had was one size larger than what I needed. It would have to do. It was brown, white just wasn't good for living in the woods. I removed it from the rack and then picked out a pair of dark jeans. At least they had my size.

Walking back towards the clerk, her face turned up into a wide grin. "Is that all you need to today." I nodded. "My name is Jessica." She licked her lips. "What's your's?"

"Um…Eh…Vladimir." I blurted out the fake name without thinking. Her eyes narrowed. She wouldn't understand my Dracula joke, but I couldn't help but chuckle

"That's a unique name. Nice to meet you." I handed her the money. "Don't worry about it, it's on the house."

I tried to be as insistent as possible. "I would appreciate it if you'd take the money."

"No, don't you worry your pretty little head about it."

I nodded and took the clothes in my hands, "Thank you miss."

"I hope to see you around, Vladimir."

I snorted loudly and rolled my eyes, "Bye bye." In my amusement I had almost forgotten my thirst. That was a good feeling, it meant that if I tried I could still be normal. I didn't want to kill her. In fact, I didn't want to be around her. This vacation of sorts was having a great effect on me.

I folded my new garments neatly over my arm and walked back up the road. When I reached my fire pit, I changed clothes and washed the old ones in the river. I built a quick fire and relaxed there until morning. The hot flames were mesmerizing. I loved to watch them dance in the night breeze.

Just before dawn broke, I walked to the sign to meet Jacob. He was there when I got there. He looked different again today. It was so strange, but I swear he looked slightly taller than the day before, but he was dressed different as well. No jeans or overalls today. He had on black trousers, and a pressed white button-up shirt.

A wide grin marked his bronze features. "Good morning Edward."

"Good morning Jake, ready to go?"

"Yeah, I can't wait. I haven't been out of the valley since I was a kid and that was only to visit my relatives in North Carolina." I chuckled, "Well be careful and have a good time." "I will and I'll send you a letter as soon as I talk to Bella."

"Oh yeah, I meant to ask you how I was going to get that." "I'll mail it to the general store, you can pick up down there." "Oh okay, well I'll check down there every few days and Jake…" "Yeah?" I smirked. "Address it to Vladimir."

He snickered lightly, "I'm not even going to ask. Well Vlad, I better get going."

"All right, have a good time." "I will." He replied.

"Thank you again, I really appreciate what you're doing for me."

"What are friends for?" With that he turned and walked away. He moved hurriedly into the distance and towards my Bella, his onyx hair fluttering behind him.

**A/N: **Oh Edward, didn't you read New Moon? Thanks for reading! Please review!


	18. Chapter 18: The Sunrise

**Place of the Lost**

A/N: We're back to Bella again. Hope you enjoy!

_Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Chapter 18: The Sunrise**

BPOV:

Things hadn't been good since I smashed my rocking chair with a hammer. Charlie thought I had gone completely insane; I wasn't sure that he was entirely wrong. He hadn't let me out of the house in over a week. I had to tell him about Edward's death, even though I wasn't completely convinced of it myself. I told him my suspicions, but I didn't describe the night the letter was delivered, or even the letter itself. I just told him I had a feeling that Edward wasn't gone. He said that denial was the first stage of grief, and that it just hadn't set in because I hadn't been to a funeral or anything. He may have been right about that too.

I was going stir crazy. Each day was more monotonous than the one before, and I was becoming increasingly certain of my own insanity. Charlie brought home a new book for me nearly every afternoon. He was trying to be thoughtful and buy "girl books," but I couldn't take any more sappy romance. It was too depressing to have to read about happy couples. I'd rather drown my sorrows in _Hamlet. _That's how I spent most of my time, reading tragedies.

Charlie's dinner was cooking. Steak, potatoes and creamed spinach, his favorite. The scent of food was wafting through the entire house, and my stomach was rumbling. The summer sun had just started to fade away when I heard a knock at the door. My heart immediately jumped into my throat. What if it was Edward? Or maybe Alice? I needed to talk to someone who could give me some answers.

"Can you get that?" My father called from the living room. The newspaper was spread out across his lap.

When I looked through the peep hole in the door, I was only half disappointed. I didn't recognize the man standing on the porch, but he was breathtakingly handsome. He had long black hair and bronze skin. He looked exotic and masculine. His rippling muscles bulged through his white shirt. The door creaked as I cracked it open. I wasn't going to just let a stranger walk in without some sort of explanation, even if he was good looking. "Can I help you?" I asked the man.

He smiled, and his eyes grew wide as he scanned my curious expression. "Hi, are you Bella Swan?" The tone of his voice was deep and sultry.

I furrowed my brows. How did he know me? "Yes, do I know you?" I asked.

"I was a friend of Edward Masen's."

I gasped, "Oh, come right in."

Charlie lowered his paper and looked towards the door. "Bella who is it?"

"It's a friend of Edward's." I exclaimed, trying to hide some of my excitement.

I gave the stranger a friendly smile, "What's your name?"

"Jacob Black." He replied. He nervously fondled a folded piece of white paper in his hands.

Charlie laid the newspaper on the coffee table and made his way to the door. He stretched out his hand to shake Jacob's. "I'm Charlie Swan, Bella's father. I don't believe I've ever seen you around here. How did you know Edward?" His tone was curious instead of threatening. I was grateful for that.

"I'm from South Carolina." Jacob said. "I met Edward on his trips to his aunt's house. They always made a point to stop by and see us. His dad was good friend's with mine." I furrowed my brows in confusion. Edward never mentioned a Jacob before, but it had probably been a long time since he'd seen him.

Charlie's expression became grave. "I take it you know what happened to Edward and his family?"

Jacob's smile faded and he nodded at Charlie. "Yeah, I was doing some traveling up north, and I figured I'd stop by, and see if I'd missed the funeral. I would like to have an opportunity to pay my final respects."

"Well, I'm afraid that's out of the question. All of the flu victims were given a mass funeral several days ago."

I gasped, why hadn't Charlie told me about that? Tears started rolling down my cheeks. He had robbed me of a chance at closure. I could have known if Edward was dead or not. I could have seen his body, or found that he wasn't there. But no, I was stuck in this stupid house confused and wondering.

"Bella, I'm sorry." Charlie's voice was pleading. "I couldn't let you out of the house. You know its not safe out there. I couldn't let you get sick too." I didn't want to hear it. I turned away and stormed into the kitchen.

"Oh no!" I screamed. The steaks were practically on fire. I pulled the pan off the cook stove and sat the blackened meat on the counter. Smoke was slowly filling the little room.

I heard the door opening behind me. I expected Charlie, but instead the dark haired stranger strolled in. "Is everything okay in here?" He choked out the words through the smoke.

I tried to quickly wipe away my tears, but the smoke was stinging my eyes. I hated crying in front of other people. It made me feel so weak. "I'm fine." I lied. "Dinner is ruined, so I guess we're having sandwiches." I tried to push the lump in my throat down, but I wasn't fooling him.

He walked to my side and brushed a tear off my cheek with this finger tip. His touch was soft. "It's all right Bella, I'm sorry I upset you."

"No, it's not you." I spoke frantically between sobs.

He smiled genuinely and held his arms out. "Hey, come here." He whispered quietly. I don't know why I did it. Maybe it was because I was so frustrated and so upset, but I walked right into his embrace. I let _him_, a perfect stranger, wrap his arms tightly around me. I felt him crumple the paper in his hand and shove it in his back pocket. Then he soothingly stroked my back until the tears stopped and the smoke cleared.

"Jacob." Charlie called from the other side of the door.

"Yes sir?"

"Would you like to stay for dinner?"

Jacob turned to me, "I don't want to put you out. You look stressed enough without having to worry about me."

I smiled, "No I want you to stay." I was telling the truth. I hadn't felt that good since the last time I'd seen Edward. There was something so familiar and comfortable about Jacob, even though I had never met him before.

He shouted at Charlie, "Yes sir, I'll stay."

"Good, any friend of Edward is welcome here." He was speaking unnecessarily loud. Jacob cringed at the words. I guess Charlie was a little too brash for him.

I turned away from my new friend and went to the icebox to get the ham and cheese. I threw together some sandwiches and called Charlie to the table. He eyed the meal with obvious disappointment. "Where are the steaks?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes, "In a charred heap at the bottom of the trash can, but I managed to salvage the potatoes and creamed spinach."

He smiled as Jacob carried in the two side dishes. "Here we are." He sat the dishes in the middle of the table, and pulled out his chair next to mine.

Charlie looked at him thoughtfully, "So son, why don't you tell us a little about yourself?"

Jacob spoke as he spooned some creamed spinach onto his plate. "Well, I'm seventeen. My dad and I work a little farm in Jocassee, South Carolina."

Charlie scratched his chin in contemplation. "Hmm.. Don't believe I've ever heard of that."

Jacob shrugged, "It's small, not many people have."

Charlie nodded, "So…" He took a long pause. "What are you?" I gasped, "Dad!" Tact wasn't one of his strong points. My face turned five different shades of red.

Jacob chuckled, "Human, I think. No, I know what you mean. I'm Cherokee."

Charlie smiled, "Oh Cherokee, you must be very proud of your heritage." Jacob sighed and I rolled my eyes. My father's knowledge of Native American history completely derived from his reading of _The Last of the Mohicans. _

The rest of dinner was just as awkward as the first five minutes. Charlie was not much of a host, but I think Jacob felt welcome. After we finished eating, he helped me clear the table and wash the dishes while my dad finished reading his paper.

I accidentally splashed his white button up shirt with some dirty dish water. Well splashed isn't exactly the word, more like drenched. The large platter that held the sandwiches slipped from my grip and landed in the full sink. It hit the water with a crash, and he gasped as the dirty liquid soaked his clean clothes. I really wasn't making a good impression on this guy.

"Is everything all right in there?" Charlie shouted.

"It's fine." Jacob called in my father's direction. "Bella just thought I needed a bath."

"What?" Charlie was confused. I heard the couch squeak as he got up and trudged into the kitchen. His eyes grew wide when he saw Jacob's shirt. "Jeez Bella… what did you do to him?"

I felt my face blush again, "I'm sorry. It was an accident."

"Well don't just stand there." Charlie exclaimed. "Take him up to my room and get a new shirt. Take the old one and you can wash it for him."

Jacob protested, "No that won't be necessary, don't worry about it."

"Nonsense!" Charlie replied. "We can't let you leave in wet, dirty clothes."

He gave up, "Well if it's not any trouble."

"It's not any trouble at all." I interjected. "Besides, it was my fault anyway. I don't mind washing it for you. Come on we'll go get you something out of my dad's closet." I turned to walk out of the kitchen and Jacob followed behind me. We climbed the stairs together. His big feet hit heavily with each step. I guided him into Charlie's room and walked over to the closet.

"These will probably be a little too small for you." I said. Jacob was obviously bigger than my father, who was tall and thin. "Here you go." I pulled out a white shirt, that looked about the same as the one Jacob was wearing. He took it out of my hand and laid it neatly on Charlie's bed. He didn't warn me, didn't ask me to leave the room, just quickly unbuttoned his dirty shirt and threw it in the floor.

I let out an audible gasp and as much as I wanted to, I couldn't tear my eyes away from his body. His chest was tan and strapping, and his abdomen looked like a washboard.

He chuckled as he caught me staring. "Here you go." Leaning down he picked the dirty shirt up off the floor and handed it to me.

I stuttered, "Um… Yeah, I'll t-take care of this." I turned away from him and buried my face in my hands, as I walked out of the room. I felt terrible for being so attracted to him. I loved Edward, and I didn't know that he was gone. I couldn't just let myself be completely smitten by the first guy who walked through my door. But he was funny, kind and handsome. God! What was wrong with me?

I filled up the wash basin and added some soap flakes. I put his shirt in to soak while I finished the dishes. I heard Charlie chuckle and Jacob came down the stairs. "Not quite big enough?"

Jacob laughed, "No not quite, but it'll do. Thank you for letting me borrow it."

Charlie's tone was playful, "It's the least I could after my daughter tried to drown you."

"I know I just barely survived." Jacob replied. I couldn't help but giggle at their conversation even though they were laughing at my expense.

The kitchen door swung open and Jacob was standing in the frame. His shirt was completely unbuttoned revealing a strip of bronze skin and muscles. I felt a little shiver go up my spine when I saw him. He smiled wryly, "I'm back to help."

I spoke with a false sternness. "Oh no you don't. I'm not going to ruin my dad's shirt too." I was lost in his eyes, dark honey pools.

His tone was smooth. "That won't be a problem." He flashed a devilish grin and slid the white shirt off his shoulders and hung it neatly on the door knob. My face turned the shade of a tomato.

I tried to take my mind off of his body, by making idle conversation. "How did you know to come here?"

He stumbled over the answer, all the smoothness gone from his voice. "Um Edward's aunt, when she contacted us, she told us about you."

I stopped drying a plate to think. Then it came to me. "Oh, she must have gotten the address from the letter I sent her. I thought I wrote Edward's address on that, but I guess it was mine."

He let out a deep breath, "Yeah, that's what she said." He took a long pause and then began to speak again. "You know Bella, I hate that it's under these circumstances, but I'm really glad I got to meet you."

I smiled, really smiled, for the first time since Edward's birthday. "I'm glad I got to meet you too Jacob." That was so true, everything had been so painfully miserable lately and finally something good had happened to me. It was as if I had been living in darkness, endless night, since Edward got sick, and today the sun finally rose.

His face lit up, "Call me Jake. Here I'll finish those up." He took the plates from my hand and began to dry them with a towel.

"Thanks, I'll go take care of your shirt." I turned away from him and walked across the room to the washbasin. I scrubbed his shirt on the washboard, it reminded me of his sculpted abdomen. As much as I tried to stop them, my eyes kept wandering across the room to his bare torso. He reminded me of a statue, a beautiful, bronze statue. His head quickly turned in my direction, and I tried to look away, but he knew I was staring.

I let the soapy water drain out of the washbasin and refilled it with clean so I could rinse his shirt. When I was satisfied that I had rinsed away all of the soap I wrung it out it my hands and grabbed some clothes pins. "I'm going to go hang this up outside."

He held the clean plates up in his hand, "Where do these go?"

I pointed, "On the second shelf of that cabinet." He open the door and stacked the plates. I walked behind him headed for the door, and he lightly grabbed my hand. The touch was electric. His hand was so warm, probably from the dishwater.

He smiled "Wait on me." I nodded. How could I say no to those big brown eyes? He grabbed my father's shirt off the door and slid it on his arms. His muscles bulged through the fabric. "All right, let's go."

He followed me back through the living room. Charlie stopped us, "Where you kid's going?"

"Just to hang up his shirt, Dad." I replied. Charlie nodded. We walked out the front door and around to the side of the house. Charlie had tacked a rope between the house and a tree where we dried our clothes. I took the pins and hung Jacob's shirt on the line. I turned to go back inside, but he touched my hand gently with his fingers.

"Hey, where ya going so soon?"

"Back inside."

"Why?" he asked.

"Because it's hot out here."

"Nah, its nice." He smiled. "It's twilight, the most comfortable time of the day."

My gaze was locked on his eyes, "We can stay out here if you want. What do you want to do?"

He raised his eyebrows and chuckled, "Just talk I guess."

"What do you want to talk about?" I was so lame, couldn't even carry an interesting conversation with a boy.

"You."

I giggled like a little girl. "What do you want to know?"

"Anything you want to tell me. What do you like to do?"

"I like to cook, I usually do a better job than tonight." He smiled wryly. "I like to read."

"Really? What do you like to read?" He asked.

"I like Shakespeare's plays and Jane Austen… among other things."

"Oh so you like romance?"

"Yeah, although lately I've been reading a lot of tragedies, seems to fit my mood better.

His tone was smooth again and his eyes were full of lust, "I'd like to change that." Suddenly his face was moving closer to mine. I began to tremble, but I was burning with desire. I hadn't been held in so long. I wanted to feel comforted… loved.

Suddenly his lips were touching mine, lightly kissing me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me tight to his body. His shirt fell open and I was pressed against his bare skin. My heart began to race, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, running my fingers through his long black silky hair. I pulled him closer and deepened the kiss. He moaned and plunged his tongue into my mouth. I returned the moan and his hand slid slightly lower down my back. Edward never kissed me like this…Edward! I pushed Jacob away and hung my head in shame.

I was panting. "Jake." All I could manage was a whisper.

A wide grin spread out across his face, "Yes."

"How could you? He was your friend." I replied.

His smile faded immediately, "He's gone Bella."

**A/N:** Please don't hate Bella too much. She hasn't been out of the house in days and she's scared, sad and lonely. But it's okay to hate Jacob lol! Thanks for reading! Please review!


	19. Chapter 19: Love and Lust

**Place of the Lost**

A/N: Thanks for all the angry reviews lol. I know, I'm mad at Jacob too, but he's fun to write about. Hope you enjoy!

_Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Chapter 19: Love and Lust**

BPOV:

Jacob left in a hurry after the kiss. I don't think he was happy about the way I received his affection. But I had to tell him that it was too soon. The look on his face was pure agony. It hurt me to see him suffering, but I just wasn't ready to give up on Edward. Jacob might have excited some powerful lust that I didn't even know was burning inside me, but what I felt for Edward was love. Jacob couldn't compete with that, or at least that's what I kept telling myself.

Sunlight was pouring into my window, but I didn't want to get out of bed. I was a complete emotional wreck. I felt like I was betraying Edward by letting Jacob kiss me, and betraying my own feelings by making him stop. I felt stupid for clinging to the idea that Edward may still be alive but terrified to let go. I kept the mysterious letter tucked in my bedside table, reading it nearly every night before I went to sleep. I scanned it time and time again, searching for some sort of clue or sign, just a single definitive answer. But the more I read the more questions I had, and the more frustrated I became.

My stomach was tied into a thousand twisted knots, and my head was throbbing. Every pulse of my heart felt like someone was banging a drum inside my skull. I imagined myself sinking into my mattress and disappearing into some distant abyss where I could finally find some peace of mind

"Bella!" Charlie shouted my name from downstairs. "Are you going to stay in bed all day?"

"I'm coming dad." I literally had to force myself to move, but I didn't bother to get dressed. I slid my cold feet into my slippers and trudged down the stairs in my blue nightgown. Charlie was sitting at the table, drinking a cup of coffee and reading a magazine. There was a steaming mug sitting at my place. My chair squeaked across the floor as I pulled it out from underneath the table. I took a seat, and quietly sipped the bitter liquid.

Eventually Charlie looked up from his reading, "Morning Bells." He appeared to be more cheerful than usual.

"Morning dad." I replied in a soft whisper. There was a long pause.

Charlie finally broke the silence, "Bella, I wanted to talk to you about last night." Oh God! What had he seen? I really didn't want to have this conversation with my father.

"Okay." My voice was timid.

"I think that boy likes you." A big grin spread across his face. I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes. I thought cops were supposed to be perceptive.

But I played along, "What makes you say that?"

"The way he looked at you Bella. Men can tell, we have a certain expression we wear when we're trying to impress pretty girls."

I snorted loudly. I thought coffee might come out my nose. "Really?"

"I'm serious, I think he's really interested in you, and I just wanted you to know that I approve." What? How could he say that? He wasn't supposed to approve, he was supposed to hate Jacob or at least look at him with the same fatherly disdain that he gave Edward. He continued, "It's just that I know you've been kind of depressed for the last few weeks, and I saw how happy he made you. And he's a nice boy. He even has his own farm." His eyes were pleading. I could tell Charlie only wanted me to be happy, but if he only knew how badly I was being tortured by this whole terrible mess.

"Dad…I j-just don't know about this. I think it's too soon."

"I know it's soon dear." He never called me dear. "But he's not from here, and he won't be in Chicago that long. I know you miss the Masen boy, but sometimes when an opportunity at happiness literally knocks on your door, you have to answer it."

I sighed and tried to push back the lump in my throat. Charlie had no idea what I was going through, not that I could ever adequately explain it to him. I couldn't help but think that maybe he was right. Maybe Edward was gone, and I could never have him back, and maybe I shouldn't give up a chance at happiness for a ghost and some memories. If Edward had been there, he would have wanted me to be happy.

"I hope you don't mind." Charlie said. "But I invited him back for dinner tonight." Half of me was ecstatic and the other half was completely horrified. Charlie must have seen the conflicted look on my face. "He had to come back sometime Bella. His shirt is still hanging in the yard. Which reminds me, you should bring it in and iron it for him."

I nodded in agreement. I would have done anything to escape that conversation. It was difficult enough trying to figure it out in my own mind, much less trying to reason through my internal conflicts with a middle aged man who didn't have all the facts. I set my half empty mug back on the table, and hurried to the front door.

It wasn't until I got outside, that I realized I was still in my nightgown. But I had much bigger things to worry about it, so I took a quick glance around and didn't see any of my neighbors outside. So I rushed to the clothes line, grabbed Jake's shirt and carried it back inside.

I let the iron heat up while I cooked Charlie a meager breakfast of eggs and toast. He had to be starving, it was nearly ten in the morning. I ate in the kitchen, I couldn't risk Charlie bringing up Jake and Edward again. This was my decision, not his.

Charlie called from the dining room, "Oh Bella, I forgot to tell you. I'm working a different shift today."

"What? I thought you were just taking the day off?" Charlie had been taking a lot of days off lately. Partially to stay healthy, and partially because he was worried about me.

"No, they've been short on the evening shift. So I'll go in at seven tonight, and I'll be home around three or four. Do you think you'll be okay alone?"

I opened the kitchen door, "Yeah dad, I'll be fine. I'm almost eighteen, and I'll be asleep most of the time."

"Yeah, I just hate to leave you here alone at night." His face was concerned.

"Really dad, I'm not a child. I'll be fine."

"Cause I could always tell them I can't do it."

"Dad! Honestly, I don't mind." I was practically shouting at him.

"All right." He finally gave up.

The rest of the day passed in a frantic haze. I cleaned everything in sight, trying to take my mind off the night ahead, and the decision I was going to have to have make much sooner than I was willing to admit. I dusted, swept, mopped, polished and scrubbed nearly every surface in the house. I started cooking dinner at five, I didn't know what time Charlie had asked Jacob to come over, but if he was going to be at work by seven, dinner would need to be on the table at six.

I decided on roast beef and mashed potatoes, and I vowed not to set it ablaze. Charlie would appreciate a nice dinner after the ham and cheese sandwiches I served him last night. Dinner was nearly ready when I heard a knock at the door. My heart fluttered, and there was no question in my mind about who it was. I couldn't pretend that I wasn't excited, or that I wasn't happy that he was back.

"Charlie." I yelled. "Can you get the door?"

"Yeah I've got it Bells." I heard him sigh and groan as he got off the couch. His feet hit heavily across the hardwood floor. Then the door creaked open. "Hey Jacob, come on in. Whoa, you got a haircut." His tone was cheerful.

"Hey." He said. "Yeah I decided it was time for a _change_. Call me Jake, Mr. Swan."

"Call me Charlie, Jake." He chuckled and I wanted to scream. Edward was never allowed to call him Charlie. He'd only known Jake two days and they were already on a first name basis. "Bella's in the kitchen, if you want to say hi."

I heard footsteps coming toward me, and the kitchen door swung open. There Jacob stood, in a black collared shirt and all of his long dark hair gone. Instead, it was cropped short against his head. It made the thick muscles in his shoulders stand out. He looked even more masculine than he had the day before. If I hadn't known it was impossible, I would have said he looked taller than the day before, but that was impossible. Nobody grew a noticeable amount over night. As much as I hated to admit it, deep down, the desire he excited yesterday was still burning.

I couldn't stop my mouth from curving up into a sheepish grin. He returned a seductive smile. "Hi Bella." He hesitated as he moved towards me. "How are you feeling today?"

"Good." I replied, and I was telling the truth. All of the tension, all of the worries that had tortured me all day, suddenly melted away in his presence, and it was as if nothing else existed. "I like your hair."

"You don't miss the long locks?" He chuckled.

"I liked those too, but this suits you. You look more.. Mature.. More distinguished."

He turned his mouth up into a crooked smile, "Bella, I got it cut. I didn't dye it gray."

"Oh you know what I mean."

He laughed and took my hand lovingly into his. He lightly stroked the back of my hand with his finger tips and gazed into my eyes. "You look beautiful tonight." He whispered the words in my ear.

I looked down at what I was wearing, a simple black dress and heels. "It's nothing special."

"It's not the dress that I'm talking about, and trust me it's very special." His voice was so deep and smooth. I couldn't help but giggle like an idiot.

"Bella!" Charlie shouted. "Is dinner ready? I've got to go soon."

"Yeah dad, I'm bringing it now." I put the roast beef on a platter and tried to pick it up. Jacob walked up behind me, and wrapped his arms around my waist. I could feel his warm breath on my neck.

"I'll take that." He whispered. My cheeks blushed as I felt his body against mine. Then he picked up the platter and walked out the door. I carried in the mashed potatoes, and Charlie was already sitting at his place, fork in hand.

"Oh Bella this looks great." Charlie exclaimed. "I was starving."

"What else is new dad?" I chuckled. "There's blueberry cobbler too. I know that's your favorite."

"Wow!" Charlie's eyes lit up. "She's quite the cook, isn't she Jake?" He elbowed him playfully in the side.

He smiled warmly, and looked in my eyes. "Yeah, she's great." A wide grin spread out over Charlie's face.

"So Jake, where are you staying?" Charlie spoke quickly between big bites of roast beef.

"Just a little motel about three blocks from here. But I'm going to have to find a new place to stay tomorrow. The owner came down with the influenza, and I don't want to be exposed."

"That's probably a good idea." Charlie replied. I nodded in agreement. I didn't want Jake getting sick too. My gaze traveled to my father, I could tell he was cooking up some sort of idea. He stopped eating, and his expression was pensive. "Hey Jake."

"Yes?"

"You know we have an extra bedroom upstairs, and there's no use staying in a motel when you have friends who would be happy to have you. So, as long as you're in Chicago, you're welcome to stay here."

Jacob shook his head, "Oh no, I couldn't. You guys have been so kind to me already. I wouldn't want to put you out."

"It's really no trouble at all." Charlie hesitated. "And I think Bella would like it too?" They both turn to look at me. I just nodded.

"Well if you're both sure?" Jacob asked again.

"Of course we're sure. You can go get your stuff after dinner, and Bella can put fresh sheets on the bed in the guestroom." Charlie smiled. "Is that all right with you Bella?"

"Yeah of course dad, I don't mind." It was difficult trying to hide my excitement and my horror.

Charlie scraped a last dollop of mashed potatoes off his plate. "You know, I'm actually really glad you agreed to stay. I have to work the late shift tonight, and I almost couldn't bear to leave Bella here alone. I'll feel better knowing you're here." I gasped. While he had good intentions, Charlie was officially the stupidest father ever. He didn't want me to be alone at night, so he invited a seventeen-year-old guy to keep me company. Had the entire world gone insane? This couldn't be real, but the look on Jacob's face told me it was. He was grinning from ear to ear.

A loud clap of thunder suddenly sounded outside. "Oh it looks like a storm's coming." Charlie said. "I better get a move on. Can I get that cobbler to go Bells?"

"Yeah I'll wrap you up a piece." I got up from my place and headed into the kitchen. I looked out the window, the sky was black with rolling thunderheads. The cobbler sat on the counter, still steaming. I cut Charlie a slice, placed it in a bowl and covered it in a cloth.

He was already at the door when I walked out of the kitchen. I handed him the bowl, and he said goodbye to me, then called Jacob to his side. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but Charlie pointed to his holster where his pistol rested against side. I assumed he was reminding Jacob to behave.

When Jacob came back to the table, he didn't look fazed by Charlie's warning. He just smiled and spoke in a low quiet voice. "I need to go get my things from the motel before it starts raining."

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea. I'll go put the sheets on your bed."

"Thanks." He walked slowly to my side, leaned down and kissed me softly on the cheek. "I'll be right back." He turned and walked out the door.

I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding in. I didn't want to think about what this evening meant, I didn't want to torture myself with the possibilities. So I pushed in my chair, walked up the stairs and pulled some fresh sheets from the linen closet. I heard the crash of thunder, and heavy waves of torrential rain started to fall outside.

I was just putting on the last pillowcase when I heard a sound downstairs. The door creaked open. "It's me Bella." Jacob's voice called loudly through the house.

"I'm up here." I shouted.

I heard him coming, but his steps didn't sound as heavy as usual. He pushed open the door, and there he stood, soaking wet. Water dripped slowly down his face. His black shirt clung tightly to every bulging muscle. I shuddered. He looked so sloppy…so messy… so unbelievably desirable.

All I could manage was a whisper. "I'll get you a towel." I walked past him and back to the linen closet. I pulled out a large, fluffy white towel, and made my way back to his bedroom.

My mouth fell wide open. His clothes lay in a wet pile on the hardwood floor, and he stood there in nothing but his boxers, a devilish grin dancing at his lips. "Thank you." He said as he took the towel out of my hands. Water from his short crop dripped down his back. He ran the towel through his hair, never breaking eye contact with me.

He threw the towel to the ground and gently grabbed my hand. Pulling me forward, he wrapped me in a tight embrace. His muscles pressed against me. Despite, the wet rain, his body was remarkably warm. His lips met mine with a desperate urgency. This time there was no stopping him, no turning back. My mind said, no. But my body screamed, yes! My heart raced, and my breathing was heavy and anxious.

I pulled him tighter to me snaking my arms around his neck. I stroked the back of his head. His short hair was damp and soft. Once again, he plunged his tongue deep into my mouth, but this time he met no resistance. Lighting flashed through the dim bedroom, and thundered roared, rattling the walls. I moaned loudly and lightly caressed his tongue with mine.

His strong arms left my back and caressed my sides as they moved to the front of my body. He pushed down the thick black straps of my dressed and planted sweet wet kisses on my neck. I was on fire, lust burned in my eyes.

His kiss moved lower, as his hand began to roam on my thigh. Every touch was electric, every nerve in my body was blazing. I groaned as he licked my collarbone. I felt a bulge in his boxers pushing strongly against my leg, but I didn't blush. I wanted him, every part of him.

His hand's moved to my back, and gradually I felt my dress unzip. He pulled it slowly down my body, then wrapped me in a passionate embrace. He groaned as I ran my fingers under the elastic in his boxers. He twitched with excitement and overwhelming anticipation. A clap of thunder radiated through my bones, and finally he scooped me up in his arms and threw me roughly to the bed…

**A/N: **Oh, a bit of a cliffhanger. Don't worry I'm not sure what's going to happen either lol. I have about three options in mind, and I'm open to suggestions. Thanks for reading! Please review!


	20. Chapter 20: The Surprise

Place of the Lost

**A/N: All right, so I've been losing sleep over this one. But I think I came up with something realistic, yet appealing to my sense of universal moral justice. :D Hope you enjoy! **

_**Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**_

**Chapter 20: The Surprise **

BPOV:

The wind howled, flashes of lighting and loud rolls of thunder echoed through the house. Jacob's warm muscular frame hovered over me. I thought my heart was going to pound out of my chest. My thoughts were muddled and confused, clouded by intense lust. His crimson lips traced lines of kisses down my neck and onto my heaving chest. I moaned and writhed against him, desperate to be closer. His fingertips crept slowly up my thigh, sending chills of excitement through every nerve in my body. 

A loud crash and the sudden shatter of glass startled me out of my lust filled stupor. A piercing scream of terror escaped my lips, and I instinctively clutched Jake tighter. He shielded my body from the millions of tiny shards of glass that rained down upon us. The patter of pouring rain filled the room. 

"What the _hell_ was that?" The words faltered over my ragged breaths.

Jacob turned his head and surveyed the gruesome scene. "Tree branch." He said quietly. Or maybe an act of God himself that prevented us from making a really stupid mistake? I was betting on my theory. "The wind must have broken it off and sent it through the window." He groaned loudly. "Are you okay?"

"Yes I think I'm all right. What about you?" Judging by his tone, I would have guessed no. 

"I think my back is cut up pretty bad."

I sighed deeply. "Get up slowly, and we'll go down stairs. I'll bandage you there, unless you think you need to go to the hospital?"

"No hospitals!" He snapped. "I'll be fine. I'm a quick healer." I nodded. He slowly picked up one of his hands off the bed and shifted to the side; he grunted loudly as the glass cut deeper into his skin. I quickly slid out from under him. The moment my feet hit the floor a sick awkward feeling rose up in my stomach. All the lust gone, I was painfully aware of every inch of exposed skin. I walked quickly towards my dress that laid on the floor in a crumpled heap, covered in broken glass. I picked it up and shook the glass from it's wrinkles. The shards tinkered as they hit the hardwood. I knew there was a chance that there was still glass in the fabric, but anything was better than standing there in my underwear. 

While I pulled my black dress back up over my body, I surveyed the damage both to the window and to Jacob. A leafy branch, nearly three feet long rested on the floor. Rain water poured from the broken window like blood from an open wound. Jacob didn't seem to be in much better shape. "Jake, that looks terrible. The cuts are pretty shallow, but you're bleeding everywhere. It's going to take forever to get all of the glass out." He let out a groan of frustration and misery, as he slid off the bed. 

"Can you make it downstairs?" I asked in an understanding tone. He just nodded and started taking slow agonized steps toward the door. "Lie down on the couch. I'll be down there in a minute to help. I have to do something about the window." He didn't respond, just slumped over and kept walking. I ran to the linen closet and grabbed an old sheet and four towels. Entering the bedroom, I slid on my heels and walked hesitantly across the floor. Glass crunched under my feet with every step. I pulled the wet curtain from the rod, and threw it to the floor. I secured the sheet to the rod with clothes pins and hung it out the window, hoping that would stop the rain from pouring in. I threw the towels on the floor and stomped on them half heartedly. I really needed a mop and a broom, but that would have to wait. Jacob needed me. 

I ran back to the bathroom, grabbed a wet rag, the peroxide, bandages and a pair of tweezers. I felt bad for him already; he was really going to suffer tonight. Rushing down the stairs, I nearly tripped in the heels. He lay on his stomach, back gushing blood and his features contorted into a painful grimace. I had never seen Jacob like that before. He always looked so strong; his voice so smooth and charismatic. But now he seemed so frail and weak. All his confidence and charm cracked under the relentless pressure of blood and pain. 

I pulled the coffee table closer to the couch and sat on it, placing all of my instruments of torture by my side. "I'm really sorry Jake. This is going to be." I hesitated, "unpleasant." 

"I'm not exactly enjoying it now." He growled. I grabbed the tweezers and plucked the first shard from one of his cuts. He winced and balled his hands into fists. When a cut was cleared of glass, I wiped away the blood then dribbled peroxide into the gash. He twitched and groaned with every touch. 

After two solid hours of poking, prodding and pouring, I was finally done. Jake was covered in a thick sheath of sweat. His eyes were troubled and weary. "Jake." I whispered his name. "I need you to sit up. So I can wrap the bandages around you." He glared at me. "I'm sorry Jake." He turned over and slowly sat up, wincing at every tiny motion. I picked up the bandages and carefully wrapped them around his injured torso. 

I couldn't help but think of how I was touching him just a few hours earlier. Then, even the slightest caress had been filled with passion and electricity. Now he winced and grimaced at my every touch. It was a cruel irony. 

He wiped the sweat from his forehead, and licked his parched lips. "Bella, I'm sorry." His voice was nothing more than a whisper

"It's all right Jake." I replied. I was glad to see that he felt some remorse for what _almost_ happened. We should have never let things get that far. We hardly knew each other, and I was no where near ready. I wasn't in love with him, that was becoming clearer by the second. 

"I know, I hate it. I feel like I disappointed you." He reached his hand out to caress mine. "Bella I wanted to make love to you so badly." Passion flared in his eyes. "I just hate that it got interrupted." 

I let out an audible gasp. I had misinterpreted his apology. "Jacob, don't take this the wrong way, but maybe it was a good thing that we got interrupted. I don't think I was ready for that."

He sighed, "Yeah, I know we just met, but Bella I've never felt like this about anyone before."

I rolled my eyes, "You don't even know me."

He took my chin in his hands and looked directly into my eyes. "I know you're beautiful, compassionate, kindhearted, intelligent and a great cook." He chuckled. 

I blushed, but I couldn't let him charm his way out of this one. "It's just not right."

He furrowed his brows, "What's not right?"

"My heart still belongs to someone else, and I shouldn't use you as a distraction from my grief. It's not right." My voice began to crack as a lump rose in my throat. 

"Bella, I know you're not over _him_." It was as if he couldn't bring himself to say Edward's name. "But I want you to know that I'll wait until you're ready." His eyes were understanding, but I could hear the urgency in the voice. He wanted me to be ready now.

"That's kind of you Jake, but I don't know how long that will be, and you don't even live here." 

"I'd visit all the time, hell I'd move to be with you." 

I giggled. "Jake! You've known me for two days!" I pleaded with him, but he was being unreasonable.

"I don't care! That's how strong my feelings for you are." He paused and took a deep breath. "I love you Bella."

"Jake, eh-I-I can't." I muttered the words under my breath. 

His voice rose to a stern shout. "I know you can't, and I respect that, but I hope that one day you can." I just shrugged and tried to hold back tears. 

"You should sleep down here tonight. I'll try to clean upstairs. Charlie can get someone to put in a new window tomorrow. It sounds like the rain has stopped. So, I'm hoping the floor isn't too…" His eyes told me he wasn't interested in what I was saying anymore. I had hurt him, but only because I was telling the truth. I couldn't keep using him as a distraction from my confusion and grief; it wasn't fair. 

He faked a smile and nodded. "Good night Bella." He took my hand in his and planted a single kiss across my knuckles. 

"Good night." It was barely a whisper. I slipped from his grasp, and grabbed the mop and broom as I headed upstairs. The floor was wet, but not as bad as I had expected. I stripped the bed, shook out the sheets, and swept up the glass. I mopped and dried the floor with towels into the early hours of the morning, but I didn't mind. I needed to tell Charlie about it when he got home anyway. My legs were nicked and bloody, cut on tiny stray shards, as I dried the floor on my hands and knees. 

I guess that was my punishment, hours of tedious work and a little bloodshed. It was a small price to pay in exchange for saving my virginity from the snares of lust. Edward and I had been so patient and careful, trying to save ourselves for the right moment. It would have been terrible, not to mention incredibly stupid, to waste that on a smooth-talking stranger, especially when I still wasn't completely convinced of Edward's death. I had this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that I was missing something, some single clue that would shed light on the entire situation. It was overwhelmingly frustrating.

I was startled when I heard the front door creak, but then I remember that it was probably my father. I think he was making an effort to be quiet, but his big boots clunked brashly against each step as if they were filled with sand. He must have seen the light under the door, because I could hear him moving in my direction. There was a gentle knock on the door, "Jake? Are you still awake?"

"No, Dad it's me." 

"Bells?" There was some noticeable anger in his voice, and the door flew open. I could tell that he was relieved to see me there alone. His eyes widened as his gaze passed over the window. "Oh my God, what happened? Are you all right?" 

"Yeah dad I'm fine." I pointed to the branch that still laid in the middle of the floor. "That storm blew that _thing_ through the window."

"Oh I see. Where is Jake?"

"He's on the couch, hopefully asleep. He was laying on the bed when it happened. I spent most of the evening picking shards of glass out of the cuts on his back."

"Is he all right? Do we need to take him to the hospital?"

"I asked him, and he said it wasn't necessary. I bandaged his entire torso. He'll be sore for a while, but he should be okay.

Charlie looked concerned, "Well I hope he'll be all right. I'll get someone to fix the window tomorrow." He turned and moved towards the door. "Get some sleep Bella; I have a surprise for you tomorrow." 

I didn't like the sound of that. Charlie's surprises were always well intended but they just missed the mark. Like when I turned thirteen, and he got a clown to come to my party. He was so proud of himself. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I was embarrassed and too old for clowns. But at least Charlie was right about one thing, I needed sleep. My eyelids were heavy, and my limbs felt like jelly, but my mind was probably the most tired of all. Tonight had been a true emotional rollercoaster. I'd gone from passion, to fear, to regret, to relief. It was too much over just a few hours of time.

I abandoned my broom and towels, satisfied with the work I had done. I didn't even change into my nightgown; I just climbed under my covers in the black dress. I wanted to think; I wanted to concoct some sort of plan to find out about Edward, and not hurt Jacob, but my mind wouldn't work. I couldn't create coherent thoughts just cloudy meaningless pictures of Edward and Jacob laughing and joking…like friends. Sleep fell over me like a heavy black blanket.

"Bella…" Charlie's voice was soft. He knocked lightly on the door. "It's almost noon." I forced my eyes open. The room was washed in yellow sunlight that burned my bleary eyes. 

"I'm awake dad. Sorry I slept so late."

"Oh no it's fine, I only woke an hour ago. We all had a late night last night. Come on downstairs, I've got something to tell you." A hint of excitement rang in his tone.

"I'll be there in a second." I lifted my hands above my head, stretched and groaned loudly. I put my feet on the floor and tried to feel for the zipper on my nightgown when I realized I was still wearing my black dress. This would have to do. My hair was matted and tangled from sleep, but I was too tired to care. 

I walked down the stairs barefooted. Jacob was sitting on the couch in a white undershirt, clutching a pen in his right hand. The white shirt was a stark contrast to his russet skin. His bandages poked out awkwardly around his ribs. He raised his head and smiled when he saw me coming. I was surprised to see that Charlie's smile was even bigger. He sat in his leather chair, a wide grin plastered on his face. 

"Have a seat Bells." He patted the spot on the couch beside Jacob. I moved slowly, still trying to shake the sleep from my mind. I sat down, and started to tap my fingers nervously on the arm of the sofa. "I was thinking last night about what I could do for you." Charlie said. "I know these last few weeks have been rough, and you've been cooped up in the house. So, I was thinking we should take a trip." 

"What kind of trip?" I asked cautiously. 

"Down south, I thought maybe you'd like to go to the coast. We could go to Savannah, Charleston and Wilmington. Jake here even agreed to change his travel plans. He wants to go with us. Isn't that great? You won't be stuck with me the whole time." He looked at me anxiously, waiting for me to gush with excitement. 

I tried to muster some emotion, but weeks with Jacob, that could get complicated. "Um… Wow dad, that sounds great." I faked a smile, but Charlie was easy to fool. 

"Well it's settled then. Oh and Jake, from what I could tell the railway to Charleston passes very close to your house. I'd love to meet your father and see the farm."

Jacob's eyes widened, and he gulped loudly, "Well, I mean my hometown…" He paused. "Isn't anything spectacular."

Charlie chuckled, "Nonsense, I'm sure it's great. I've always loved the outdoors." I rolled my eyes. I don't think catching a baseball game once a year at Wrigley Field counted as the outdoors. He didn't even plant flowers in the yard. 

Jake nodded, "Well the outdoors is about all we've got there." 

Charlie smiled. "I look forward to seeing it." He paused. "All right I better head out, and see if I can find someone to fix that window before it rains again." He sighed deeply. 

"Good idea." I said. That was not a mess I wanted to clean up again. My father got up and walked out the door. Then it was just Jacob and I, sitting alone on the couch. "How are you feeling?" I asked him, sincerely concerned.

"Better, still sore but nothing like last night." He groaned as he moved his hands over his bandaged back. "I meant to thank you for taking care of me last night. That was very sweet of you." He leaned in and kissed me lightly on the cheek. 

"You're welcome Jake, but if you hadn't been here none of that would have happened." My voice was stern.

"Trust me, being here is well worth a few cuts." 

"I'm just glad you aren't mad at me after last night." 

"Mad?" He furrowed his brows. "Why would I be mad at you?"

"Because I told you I wasn't ready."

"And I told you I didn't care. I'll wait for you Bella." He smiled lovingly.

"And you changed your plans, I thought you wanted to see the north." 

"I've already seen everything I need." He caressed my cheek lightly with his fingertips. "So for now Bella, I'll be whatever you want me to be. A friend, a lover, a shoulder to cry on." He chuckled

"A friend!" I interjected.

"That's fine, and when you're ready, I'll be there for you." I could tell by his tone that he was confident that it wouldn't take long for me to be ready. I didn't necessarily agree with that. "I think you'll have fun." He continued. "Getting out of the house, getting your mind off things." By things he meant Edward. "Well, I'm going to go. I'll be back in a little while."

I was confused, "Where are you going?"

"To the post office. I need to mail a letter." He picked up a white envelope off the coffee table. 

I read the name, "Who's Vladimir?" I giggled.

"A f-friend from back home, but I think he's moving away." He stumbled over the words as if it pained him to say them. His response confused me. 

"You could mail the letter from here." I told him.

"No, I don't have any stamps."

"There are some in the kitchen." "No." A hint of anger flared behind his eyes. "I'll be right back Bella." He stuffed the letter in his back pocket, and was gone. 

**A/N: **Hmm… I wonder what that letter says? I guess we'll find out next time. Thanks for reading! Please review. 


	21. Chapter 21: The Premonition

Place of the Lost

**A/N: We're back to Edward. Let's see what he does with the bad news. Hope you enjoy! **

_**Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**_

**Chapter 21: The Premonition **

EPOV:

The valley had been excruciatingly boring since Jake left. I spent most of my time tracking, hunting, and satiating my thirst. It was a primal way of life, but it could be satisfying. I missed having someone to talk to, but I didn't want to go to the widow. She probably knew that I hadn't stopped communicating with Jake, and I didn't want to be lectured. She could be a nice lady, but I couldn't stand having that boney little finger wagged in my face.

I had been to the general store for the past three days, but hadn't received anything yet. Jessica probably thought I was making up an excuse to see her, but that was _far _from the truth.

Twilight was settling over the valley as I made my way to the store for the fourth time. For some reason I was feeling optimistic. My boots kicked up a cloud of dust on the wooden porch of the little cabin. I put my pale icy hand on the screen door and it creaked as I pushed it open. There she was, in her usual spot, lusty smile dancing on her red painted lips. Her thoughts were racing; it was if they had a color. I could almost see them. They were blazing reds, yellows and oranges, fiery like the setting sun. She wanted me. I couldn't help but chuckle at her thoughts. Of course she interpreted that as flirting.

Jessica licked her lips, and pulled down on the waist of her dress, revealing a deep V of cleavage. I put my head in my hands. That was embarrassing. I kept my gaze very high. "Something came for you today." She said.

My eyes lit up. "From Jacob."

"Yeah, come and get it." Her voice was deep and breathy. She motioned with her finger for me to come closer.

I snorted and walked towards her; she handed me a white envelope. I tucked it in my back pocket and quickly turned to leave. "See ya later Vlad" She winked.

I waved casually and tried to stifle my laughter. I couldn't hardly wait to read the letter. A strange mixture of relief and fear coursed through my veins. I couldn't hold back; I broke out into a sprint. Trees whooshed by in a green blur. When I made it to the edge of the forest, I ripped the envelope open and threw it to the ground. My eyes scanned the page quickly, while my lifeless heart sank.

_Edward,_ He wrote. _I met Bella today. She's a beautiful and kind girl. I can see why you care for her so much. I'm sorry to tell you this, but she's happy, really happy. She's moved on and met someone else. He's good for her. They're a great couple, and he loves her very much. I know this is going to be hard for you, but I have to ask you to think about what's best for Bella. She can have a normal life this way. She can have children and grow old with someone, the way things are supposed to be. I won't be home for a while still. I think you should go back to Chicago, and see the doctor. He'll help you start a new life. Move on Edward, it's for the best. Sincerely, Your Friend Jake. _

The letter fell from my grip. My chest felt tight, like I couldn't breathe, but I didn't need to breathe. Anxiety weighed heavy on my shoulders. It was as if my whole world had crashed and was burning around me. The last hope I had, lay at my feet in broken pieces. I had wondered if a dead heart could be broken, but now I had no doubt. I wanted to be angry, but I couldn't be. If Bella was happy, that was all that mattered. But that didn't take away the crippling sadness. I had never felt so weak in my life. It was as if my legs gave way underneath me. I fell to the earth, digging my fingers into the dirt.

A thousand thoughts rushed through my mind: holding Bella as the sun set in the park, seeing the doctors take my mother's body away, destroying the janitor's closet in the hospital basement, writing the letter to Bella, running away, Jacob, the widow, my plan to go back to her, to let her choose. That all seemed so distant now, so pointless. Now that Bella was gone, I had no reason to live and no way to die. The frustration was overwhelming.

I pushed myself over, letting my body roll into the river. My head crashed against rocks on the bank, but there was no pain. I needed the physical pain, anything to take my mind off the agony that tortured my psyche. My soul was being ripped in two, and there was nothing I could do to hold it together. I fell into the water; it wasn't cold. I wanted the cold, I wanted a shock, anything to bring me back to life, rip me out of the black hole I was falling into. I lay like a rock at the bottom of the river. The deafening sound of rushing water filled my ears.

I needed a new plan, if only a way to kill myself. There was only one person I could go to, one person who knew my situation… the widow. I dug my hands into the silt covered river bottom, pushing my granite body to the surface. The night air almost felt cool to my wet skin. I walked slowly towards the widow's cabin, all of my excitement and exuberance gone. My wet boots squeaked as I walked through the grass. When I reached her house, a light was still burning in the front window. I knocked impatiently. It took nearly a minute for her to reach the door.

Her breathing was heavy, as if she had been hurrying. "Edward!" She exclaimed. "I'm so glad you're here. I've been looking for you for days now." She paused and looked me over. "Good heavens, are you all right? You're soaking wet!" I nodded. She walked towards me stretching her arms out. Ignoring the wet clothes, she wrapped me in a warm embrace. She smelled like baby powder and old blood. But the fire in my throat barely reacted. My sadness overwhelmed even my most primal sense, thirst. "Come in child, have a seat at the table." I followed her directions and made my way into her dim dining room. She sat down across from me. I placed my hands on the wooden table, but they were trembling. I quickly put them in my lap. She didn't need to see how troubled I was.

Her wrinkles looked deeper than usual, her features contorted in a worried grimace. "Is something wrong?" I asked.

"I should ask you the same thing." She whispered. "I've never seen you so edgy. But that'll have to wait. I've got something important to tell you."

"No." I interrupted. "I need your advice." My voice shook with anxiety. "Something terrible has happened."

"Edward, please just wait." Her tone was unwavering.

"But.."

"It's about Bella." She whispered. I stopped interrupting. "I had a vision in the mist several days ago. It was the clearest divination I've ever had in my entire life. The valley is coursing with supernatural energy. I attribute that to your presence and probably that of the Wolf Clan. Anyway, I saw Jacob Black with a brown haired girl."

"Bella!" I exclaimed.

"I didn't know who she was at first, but he called her by name. Then I remembered our conversation, and I realized it must be your Bella. He was holding her in his arms, Edward, kissing her."

"That son of a bitch! He betrayed me! How could he?" My voice was filled with venom. "I thought we were friends."

"There is no friendship between your kind and the wolves. I told you that, but that's beside the point now. Bella pushed him away. She doesn't want him the way he wants her. She refused his advances, and I could tell that it wasn't the first time. Frustration grew inside him, anger raged in his eyes. And then it just happened. He changed, just like that. It was only a matter of seconds."

I furrowed my brows in confusion, "What do you mean?"

"He became a wolf." her voice was just a whisper.

I stopped breathing. "Oh God, he hurt her." I cried.

Her expression was solemn. "No Edward…he didn't." She hesitated, taking a deep breath. "He killed her." I didn't want to believe her, but her distressed black thoughts only confirmed what she was saying.

The words hit me like a knife in the back. "No!" I screamed, banging my fists onto the table.

"Calm down." She said. "It was just a premonition. The future is a fickle thing. Now if we're going to stop it, you have tell me how it could happen in the first place."

I sighed deeply. "I'm sorry. I didn't listen to you. I should have. I'm so sorry. I didn't think it would happen like this. I didn't think anyone would get hurt. I was trying to keep her safe."

"Edward!" She shouted. "Stop blathering, and just tell me what happened."

I closed my eyes and tried to gather my thoughts. "I kept talking to Jacob, even after you told me to stop." I confessed. "I wanted to tell Bella that I was alive, because I didn't want her to worry anymore. I felt bad for lying to her. So I asked him to mail a letter for me, but he said he wanted to travel. He offered to deliver the letter himself, and explain things to Bella, in a way I couldn't in the letter."

She interrupted, "Let me get this straight. You sent a teen shape shifter to comfort your girlfriend. Edward, his hormones are raging ten times that of a normal boy. He's practically out of control."

I suddenly felt so terrible, so stupid. I tired so hard to keep Bella safe, and not lose her. Now I had failed at both. I hated Jacob with a flaming passion, but I hated myself more. This wasn't his fault, it was mine. How could I be so naïve? I continued you on with my confession. "I got a letter today. That's what I wanted to tell you about. It was from Jacob. He said Bella had found someone else, and that I should move on. He said they loved each other. But I guess that was all a lie."

"She didn't find someone else. Someone else found her. He betrayed you like I knew he would. But I didn't expect it to happen quite like this." She rubbed her temples anxiously.

Alice's words echoed in my head, _"Be careful who trust."_ She had said. That seemed like years ago. Why didn't I listen to that girl? I desperately hoped that she wasn't falling for him. I didn't want it to be harder than it was already going to be to get them apart. "So you don't think Bella is happy then? She doesn't want to be with him?"

"He's lying about everything Edward! She doesn't love him. Not that that matters because he's going to hurt her."

"I have to stop him." I said in a stern voice. "What do I do?"

"You get off your ass and save her!" An unexpected chuckle escaped my lips; I had never heard her curse before. "You have to stop letting other people fight your battles. You're a man now Edward, and I know you won't hurt her. I see it in your eyes. You love her. She's much safer with you than with him."

"So what? I leave for Chicago tonight?" I asked.

"No, my vision wasn't in the city. Everything was green, I could see the river and the mist. They may already be gone. You can't risk missing them. The slightest flaw in your timing could mean disaster." The graveness of her tone was unsettling.

I was so confused. "What? So you think she's coming to the valley? Why would she be coming here?"

"I don't know. But when she does, you need to act quickly. She thinks you're dead, so you have to handle this situation delicately."

"I know, I know. I need a plan." I ran my fingers nervously through my hair.

"I think you should watch them, wait until their alone. Then confront them both. Tell her about all of Jacob's lies. Then come clean about what happened to you, just spit it out. Honestly, you have nothing to lose."

"I have everything to lose!" I shouted.

"No Edward, it's already lost. You've quite literally sent a wolf to watch over your lamb. We're just trying to salvage things now." I hung my head. "Stop it." She said. "You've made a real mess of things, but don't worry, we're going to clean it up. The worst thing you can do is sulk. You have to be strong now Edward. For Bella."

"What now? We just wait?" I replied in a defeated tone.

"What else is there to do?" She replied.

I sighed. "I don't know. If I have to wait days for her to arrive, I'll probably go insane."

"Well, I apologize Edward. No one was holding up a calendar in my divination. But I have been trying something."

"What?" I asked in a curious voice.

"Are you familiar with channeling?"

I hated when she answered a question with a question. "No." I replied.

"Well, most of the time it's a parlor trick used by phony clairvoyants. The psychic claims they can contact the spirit of a deceased person and relay messages between them and whoever they wish to speak to. But I've been trying it with Bella."

"How?" I protested. "She isn't dead."

"I know." She sighed, the wrinkles in her face deepening with her worried expression. "That's why I'm not sure if it's working. I'm trying my best to send her memorable images of you and Jacob together, a sort of warning you know. But I have no idea what he's told her, so I'm not sure what kind of effect those images would have."

My interest was peaked. "Can anyone channel?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure it even works on the dead, let alone the living."

"Do you think I could do it?" I asked earnestly. I knew it was ridiculous, but if I could exist then maybe this could too.

"Well you Edward, like the mystical arts are things of legend. So if anyone can do it, I would imagine you could."

"Will you help me?" I pleaded. "I need to contact her if I can."

"I'll do my best." She replied, as she turned her head to look out the kitchen window. The faint glow of dusk had faded into darkness. "Good, it's nightfall. These things seem to work better during the dark hours. Are you ready?" she asked. I nodded. "Let's go to the river."

"The river? Why?"

"Haven't you figured it out by now? The energy that's been drawing your kind here since the day Jocassee died, comes from that river. Her spirit dwells there, it's mesmerizing. It attracts the mythical like a magnet." She grabbed a match and an oil lamp, lighting it as she pushed me out the door.

We walked slowly, the sound of rushing water growing louder with every step. She found a rock on the bank and sat the lamp down. It cast an eerie glow on the white water. Faint hoots of owls echoed in the distance. I hadn't been scared in the forest since the night I killed my first mountain lion, but this, this was terrifying. Standing by a witch, or at least the closest thing I had ever seen to one, at the riverside, in the dead of night, trying to channel spirits.

"Do you have a personal effect?" She asked. "Something that belongs to her?"

I thought about my old clothes back at the campsite, but even they didn't have anything of hers. Then it came to me. I always carried something of Bella's. "Only my heart." I replied.

A wide grin spread across her wrinkled face. "Edward, you are truly a romantic. You remind me so much of my Tyler. But I won't bore you with my incessant nostalgia. Kneel down by the river, and place your hand over your heart." I did as I was told. "Come on child, close your eyes." She took a long pause, and I could hear her labored breathing. "Now think Edward. Imagine Bella, every tiny detail: the color of her eyes, her skin tone, the way her face wrinkles when she smiles, the way her hair falls onto her shoulders, the way her lips feel against your's, the sound of her laugh, every curve of her body. Do you have the picture Edward?"

"Yes." I replied. "She's beautiful."

"Very good. Now, think her name, her full name. Shout it in your head; call out to her; imagine her coming towards you. Now reach for her Edward, reach for her with your mind." This was strange, but I was desperate, anything to help Bella. I imagined myself pulling her towards me.

"All right." She continued. "You're free to give her your message, but it must be significant. You probably dominate her thoughts anyway. She can't interpret this as something of her own mind's creation. You have to keep it concise, these things are easily lost in translation. I would use only a few phrases at the most. Think very carefully about what she needs to know." She paused for several minutes, giving my mind time to work. "Do you know what you want to tell her?"

"Yes, I know exactly what I want to say."

She nodded. "Imagine yourself writing the words you want her to know. Scribbling them, in thick black lines, tracing them over and over again." When her voice stopped, a perfect tranquil silence fell over me. The sounds of the night forest faded into oblivion, and I thought of nothing but Bella. I began to speak to her in my mind.

**A/N: **I didn't expect things to take such a mystical turn, but I kind of like where it's headed. Thanks for reading! Please review!


	22. Chapter 22: The Lines in the Dirt

**Place of the Lost**

A/N: Ah… finally! I've been wanting to write this chapter for a very very very long time! Thanks for the reviews! I hope you enjoy!

_Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Chapter 22: The Lines in the Dirt **

BPOV:

The gentle rock of the night train was slowly lulling me to sleep. We had only left Chicago a few hours prior, but I was already feeling better. I was glad to finally be out of the house. The four walls were starting to close in on me. My relationship with Jake was becoming increasingly strained. He promised he'd wait until I was over Edward, but I don't think he anticipated it taking so long. Honestly, I was starting to get sick of him. He was always there, always touching me, always kissing my cheek. I just wanted space. I needed some time to think and some room to breathe. I told him that I just wanted him to be my friend , but apparently that was good enough. He snuck into my bedroom the previous two nights to "kiss me goodnight," but I expect he was trying to rekindle the fiery passion we felt the night of the storm. I didn't have the heart to tell him that that wasn't going to happen. All the lust I once felt for him was gone, burned out, like a blazing inferno out of fuel.

There were four bunks in our private cabin on the train. My father and Jake slept on one side and I on the other. I used the spare bunk below to store all of our luggage. A faint stream of moonlight flooded in through the window. The sound of Charlie's quiet rhythmic snoring filled the air. The dark curtains on their bunks were pulled closed, and I felt alone for the first time in days. I relished the moment. Finally, some time to think. My thoughts automatically went to Edward. I ran my fingertips over the last letter I had received from him. It was too dark to read it on the train. I'd have to wait until morning, to do my nightly ritual. I didn't need it really. I had memorized the words, the letters, every stroke of his pen. I wanted so desperately to understand what he wanted me to know. "Tell me Edward." I whispered quietly to myself. "Tell me what I'm supposed to..." My voice trailed off into silence, as my mind sank into the dark water of sleep.

_There was nothing but thick black darkness. So dark I couldn't see my hand in front of my face. Fear washed over me, and I began to tremble. I didn't know where I was, or if I was alone. I didn't know if I should run, or stay. My heart thundered in my chest. Then I saw a tiny faint glowing light, and heard the sound of rushing water. Out of the darkness a familiar voice called to me, beckoning me to come toward it. I stumbled, nearly tripping, trying to move towards the light, move towards the angelic voice. The tone was soothing and magnetic. I thought I recognized the person speaking. It was Edward, but it wasn't. "Isabella Marie Swan!" The voice shouted my name, but it wasn't angry. The tone was full of anxious longing, and I wanted the voice too. Suddenly, I wasn't walking anymore; I was flying. My feet no longer touched the ground. The shouting got louder and louder. "Isabella Marie Swan! Isabella Marie Swan!" The glow of grew larger. My breathing quickened as I raced towards the light and the voice, leaving the blackness behind. _

_I crashed to the ground, landing on my hands and knees, the musky scent of earth filling my nostrils. My fingers dug into the damp grass and dirt. I could hear the water. I lifted my head. I was on the bank of a rushing river, shrouded by a blanket of night. The only light came from an oil lamp that rested on a large rock. A man knelt in front of the rock, his head down so I couldn't see his face. He almost looked as if he was praying. The lamp light cast a strange glow on his bare arms, making his skin appear incredibly pale. Despite his pallor, there was a certain radiance about him. He was almost luminous, like the moon against a black sky. _

_He called to me, "Isabella Marie Swan!" His lips never moved. I wanted to speak to him, be closer to him, but my lips wouldn't move. The words wouldn't form on my tongue. My legs wouldn't move, the dirt wouldn't release my buried fingers. Still he called to me without speaking the words. "Isabella Marie Swan!" I wanted so badly to scream, to tell him I was here, but I think he knew._

_Suddenly, the words he spoke began to appear on the glowing earth in front of me, in thick black lines through the grass and mud. "The First Letter Bella." He shouted the words. "The First Letter Bella." Over and over again he chanted the phrase, until the thick marks disappeared from the ground before me. They were replaced by new words that he screamed even louder. "The Last Line." He repeated it again and again, until the words dug deep in the dirt. "The Last Line." He cried. Once again the words vanished. New words appeared as he spoke them. "Follow Him To Me." Finally I was certain of who was speaking to me. It was Edward calling. His voice was different, but it was him. He wanted me to come to him. _

_He barely had time to repeat the last phrase when the light began to fade. The sound of his voice grew weaker. I could no longer hear the river. The dirt released my fingers, and the blackness crept back over me, slowly at first, then I was flying again, backwards this time. Edward was quickly slipping away from me. I wanted to sob, but I still couldn't make a sound. I felt so cheated. I had been so close, and didn't even get to see his face, didn't get to say I love you. I was all alone again, in the silent darkness. _

Faint rays of early morning sun roused me from my troubled sleep. I groaned and stretched, balling my hands into fists trying to rub the sleep from my eyes. I didn't feel rested, but I couldn't recall why. For a long time, I stared out the window at the passing green landscape. Charlie's low snores, and Jacob's slow heavy breathing were the only sounds in the cabin.

Then it hit me. My dream! Edward! I sighed audibly as I jerked the warm blankets away from my body. It was probably nothing, but it was so incredibly vivid. I could hear his voice, the river, feel the dirt in my hands. The images seemed faded this morning, like I couldn't recall everything. What did he even say? What was written in the dirt? After a few moments of concentration, it finally came to me. _"The first letter."_ He had said. But what could that mean? The first letter he ever sent me, no. There's no way I could remember that. He probably sent it when we were twelve. It had to mean something else, if it meant anything at all.

What else had he said? I tried to focus, and visualize the mud and the grass on the riverbank. "The last line." I was certain that's what was written, and that's what he said. Edward's strange and beautiful voice echoed through my memory. It was new and familiar at the same time. But what was he talking about? The last line of a book, or a play? Why did dreams always have to be so cryptic? I repeated the words over and over to myself. The first letter, the last line, the first letter, the last line, the first letter, the last line, the first lett…

A loud gasp escaped my lips. How could I be so stupid? Before I went to sleep I asked Edward to help me understand the letter. He answered my request, or at least I dreamt that he did. I turned over frantically, searching for the letter in my sheets. Why didn't I put it away before I fell asleep? I threw my blanket to the floor and ripped off the top white sheet. Finally, I felt paper on my finger tips. I pulled the crumpled letter to my eyes, gently unfolding it.

I held the paper in the sunlight and searched for the last line. _I Always Maintained Absolute Love Is Vehemently Everlasting. _That sentence never really made sense to me. I understood what it meant, but it was awkward. Edward was always so eloquent; it didn't seem like something he would write, but after many nights of reading I attributed that to the influenza.

After reading the line several times, I regained focus. First letter, the dream had said. I scanned the sentence, I, A, M, A, L, I, V, E. My hands began to tremble. The paper shook violently. I almost ripped it in two. My breath hitched. "It's true." I couldn't help but say the words out loud. All this time I had tortured myself, and the answer had been right in front of me.

A deep feeling of relief washed over me, accompanied by an overwhelming sense of happiness. Tears of joy cascaded down my cheeks. It was all I could do not to scream. "He's alive!" I whispered through the sobs of relief. "He's alive!" I didn't know why he couldn't just tell me the truth, but I didn't care. Edward wasn't gone, and that was all that mattered. I couldn't lay down anymore. I was too excited, too overwhelmed with emotion to be still.

I leapt from my bunk. My feet hit the floor with a thud. I wiped the tears from my cheeks, and the widest grinned broke out across my face. I felt like dancing, like shouting, like singing, but everyone was still asleep. I had to get out of the cabin. I ran to the door and flung it open. I couldn't help it, I just took off skipping down the halls of the train. Everything looked better than it had last night. The red carpet seemed brighter, the wooden interior looked shinier, even the air felt lighter this morning. Still in my night blue gown, I was too happy to be embarrassed. I hummed and skipped like a school girl, my brown messy hair bouncing behind me.

As I passed from our car to the next, I saw a short old man with a gray beard in a dark blue uniform. He was leaning against the wall, as if keeping watch. He cleared his throat loudly as I passed him. "Miss." He said in a stern voice. "Are you all right?" He glared at me as if he really meant to say, _"What the hell do you think you're doing,?"_ but that wouldn't be very polite.

"Yes sir." I smiled, my voice full of exuberance. "I've never been better."

He wasn't amused. "Don't you think you should go back to your cabin now?"

"You're probably right." I giggled and turned away.

As I walked, I heard him mutter under his breath, "Damn kids, drinking this early in the morning." He grumbled. "What's wrong with this generation?" I burst into hysteric laughter.

I heard Charlie groaning, as I walked back into the cabin. I barely had enough time to jump back into my bunk before his curtain opened. "Bella? Is that you?" The words were nothing more than a mumble.

"Yeah dad, I'm awake." It was difficult hiding my excitement, but now wasn't the best time to reveal my discovery to my father. He already thought I was insane and depressed. This wouldn't help matters any.

"What are you doing up so early?" He asked through a groan, as he stretched his arms above his head.

"I'm just excited that's all." That was a tremendous understatement. I wasn't just excited; I was buzzing. I could barely calm my voice enough to speak to Charlie.

He smiled sleepily, "I'm glad darling." He sighed. "I knew this trip would be good for you." Of course I couldn't tell him that it wasn't the trip. In fact, I was beginning to loathe the trip. Knowing that Edward was still alive made weeks with Jacob look like the fifth level of hell. In my excitement, I had completely forgotten about him. He would have to be content with friendship…forever. "Why don't you change, and we'll go to the dining car for some breakfast?"

"Sounds good dad." I replied.

He pushed the covers off of him and turned to slide off the top bunk. His gaze fell on the cabin floor. "Bella, why are all your blankets on the floor?"

I stumbled over an answer, "Uh… I'm n-not sure. Maybe I got hot during the night and kicked them off?"

"Well pick them up. Someone could fall." I grinned and nodded. I jumped from the bunk and picked the blanket and sheet up off the floor. Rolling them into a messy ball, I tossed them back onto my bed.

As I was digging through my luggage for something to put on, I heard rustling from the other side of Jacob's curtain. Tan fingers peeked out the slit in the material and pulled them to the side. A tired but sultry, "Good morning," fell from his crimson lips.

"Morning." I replied. I tried to turn around, but I could hardly bear looking at him. I felt terrible for the things we had done. Even if I didn't let things go as far as they could have, I felt like I had betrayed Edward. I had let Jacob kiss me, touch me and even undress me when I wasn't even sure that Edward was gone. A sick feeling rose in the pit of my stomach, threatening to overpower my joy. But I couldn't let it. Edward was alive and I loved him, that was the most important thing. I would have to be honest with him about what happened with Jacob, but I could worry about that later. This was a glorious and miraculous morning, that no one, not even Jacob, was going to spoil.

"Ready for some breakfast?" Charlie asked as he leaned down to the bottom bunk to speak to Jacob.

"I'm starving." He grumbled.

"Well get dressed then." Charlie replied. "We'll go to the dining car."

I found a green dress to wear and slipped away to the bathroom just outside the cabin. I pulled off the nightgown and stepped into the dress. It was a little fancy for breakfast on a train, but it was one of Edward's favorites. The day was about him.

Charlie and Jacob were already dressed when I came back. "You look nice." My father commented.

Jacob walked slowly towards me and whispered in my ear, "No, you look beautiful." His hot breath on my neck made my skin crawl. The charm that had been so alluring just a few days ago, now seemed so repulsive and sleazy. I stepped away from him, reaching for the door. I led the way to the dining car.

We passed the same old man who had spoken to me earlier that morning. He seemed to be pleased that I was no longer walking around the train in my nightgown. He nodded his head as if to say hello. "Glad to see you made it back all right." He said. I smiled and kept walking. Charlie shot me a wary glance, but I didn't offer any explanation.

We sat down to breakfast, and Charlie forgot all about my short conversation with the guard. The dining car was tastefully decorated with floral wallpaper and pressed white tablecloths. Our waitress was a thin woman with long dark hair. She wore a white uniform and smiled genuinely at her customers. She was the only person I saw that was remotely as joyful as I was. I ordered a stack blueberry pancakes and bacon, but I could hardly eat. I was too ecstatic. All I wanted to do was squeal, and be able to share my joy with the people around me. But I knew that wasn't an option, so I methodically picked at my food.

My mind was far away from the train and blueberry pancakes. It was stuck in the mud on an unknown riverbank far from any place I knew in my waking hours. I relived the dream over and over again in my mind: blackness, the faint light, the riverbank, Edward, the first letter, the last line… Then it hit me. Edward said something else. There was one more phrase written in the mud, but I couldn't remember exactly what it said.

I closed my eyes, willing myself to focus and evoke an image of that part of the dream.

"Bella." Charlie interrupted my thoughts. "Are you all right? You're barely picking at your food."

"Fine dad." I spat the words out quickly. "Still a little groggy I guess." He nodded, and I closed my eyes again. Think Bella, I prodded myself. Then I could see the dark lines rise up from the dirt to create the words _follow him to me._ I knew who me referred to, that was Edward. But who was I meant to follow? I looked up and saw Jacob sitting across of me, a devilish grin on his face. My forked slipped from my grip and hit my plate with a clang.

What other him could there be? It had to be Jacob, and if that was true, it meant he was hiding something from me. I didn't understand the connection, but Jacob was keeping secrets, and I had to find them out.

**A/N: **Yah! She knows he's alive. Finally, I got to write something happy. Thanks for reading! Please review!


	23. Chapter 23: Et Tu Brute

**Place of the Lost**

A/N: We're on the home stretch. More things are revealed to Bella. Hope you enjoy!

_Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Chapter 23: Et Tu Brute**

BPOV:

I was stretched out on the bed of our Nashville hotel room reading _Julius Caesar, _when Jacob finally fell asleep. His long body hung off the ends of the scarlet floral couch on the other side of the room. He hadn't rested well since our first night on the train. I saw his curtains rattling and heard him tossing and turning every time I woke up. During the day, he seemed nervous and anxious, especially when we talked about visiting his home. I wasn't exactly sure why, but I thought it may have something to do with Edward. We were supposed to arrive in Seneca, South Carolina in two days. It was only twenty miles from Jocassee. Jacob kept pushing for us to stay in Seneca, and letting him go get his dad so we could meet him for dinner. Charlie didn't want that; he was excited about seeing the farm and the river. But once he learned about Jacob's father's condition, he didn't push it. He thought that Jacob didn't want to overwhelm his father with visitors, but I had a feeling that it was something else.

The walls of the room were made of dark wood paneling, decorated with a few cheap paintings of flowers and a woodland landscape. The crimson duvet was scratchy against my skin, and the matching thick curtains made the room feel stuffy and dark. I would have opened them, but I didn't want to wake Jacob. His soft snores meant that he wasn't trying to put his arm around me or look deeply into my eyes. So even though it was the middle of the day, I read by lamplight.

The door opened softly, and I placed my finger over my mouth so that Charlie would know to be quiet. He held a coke bottle in one hand, and the room key in the other. He began to walk toward me, and I put my book to the side.

"Sorry to interrupt." He whispered.

I gave a half smile. "It's all right. I've only read it a hundred times."

"I know." He chuckled. "There's a laundry service, just down the street." He said, trying to keep his voice as quiet as possible. "I thought we might want to take some of our clothes down there." By we he obviously meant me. When it came to domestic duties, Charlie was far from proficient. Even if it just involved carrying the clothes down the street, the job would be left to me.

"I'll go now." I replied. That gave me time to get away before Jacob insisted on tagging along. I winced as the bed creaked when I sat up. I walked to the corner and grabbed a few of my dresses that I had worn on the train and some of Charlie's shirts and pants. I stuffed them carelessly in a canvas bag, and made my way to the door.

"Wait." Charlie interjected. "I think you should get some of Jacob's things as well." I rolled my eyes. I wasn't looking forward to carrying our laundry down there, much less Jacob's. Even when he was asleep he got on my nerves. "Come on Bells." He whispered. "Jake's been down lately. You should do something nice for him."

"Fine." I huffed. I went to his suitcase and pulled out some of the things I knew I'd seen him wear. I grabbed the pants he'd worn the first night he came to the house, the shirt he had on at dinner last night and a few wrinkled undershirts. Cramming them in the bag on top of our things, I turned to the door.

"Turn left, it's only four or five buildings down on the other side of the street." Charlie shouted the words, and Jacob stirred restlessly on the couch. I nodded and hurried out of the room before he could wake up.

The hotel hallway was even darker than the room; it was almost eerie. I had to squint to see. The only light came from an open window at the end of hallway. The warm breeze wafted in my face and blew my brown curls off my shoulders.

When I made it outside, the Tennessee summer heat was oppressive. The air was heavy with humidity. I immediately began to sweat. My hair frizzed out and stuck uncomfortably to the back of my neck, as I walked, dragging the bag of clothes behind me. We were in the heart of the bustling city. The street was lined with brick buildings, hotels, restaurants, stores and bars. Music filled the streets, the twang of a country guitars and the droning melancholy voices of blues singers. People hurried, but they weren't as frantic as the pedestrians in Chicago. Men tipped their hats to me as they passed, and the women smiled and nodded. It was more hospitality than I'd expect in a city.

The laundry service was right where Charlie said it would be, clearly visible from the street. I didn't actually know what to expect when I walked in. I had never been to one in Chicago. I walked across the street, and entered the building through a glass door.

The interior was very clean and white. It smelled of fresh soap and metal. I could hear a small group of women singing soulfully in the back. A chubby balding man stood behind the white counter, and greeted me with a smile. His head shined with sweat. "Hello Miss." He said.

"Hi sir." I nodded my head.

"Just fill out this sheet. We'll have your clothes ready by tomorrow." I took the small slip of white paper from his hands, and grabbed a pen off the desk. I wrote in my name, counted my number of garments and identified what they all were.

"Here you go." I said, as I laid the sheet back on the desk.

"Thank you ma'm. I trust you checked all of the pockets?" He raised his eyebrows, as if to say I know you haven't.

I shook my head, "No, just give me one second." I pulled each piece of clothing out the bag and dug my hand into each of the pockets. I didn't find much, just some lose change and a crumpled piece of paper in one of Jacob's back pockets.

"Here miss, you can put the clothing in here." The man handed me a white wicker basket, and I put the pocket treasure in my canvas bag. I sat the basket on the counter and he smiled. "They'll be ready by tomorrow morning."

I nodded and turned to leave. "Goodbye."

"Have a nice day." He replied.

I sighed as I walked back into the scorching heat. The midday sun was absolutely brutal. My throat was dry and scratchy. I scanned the street around me and noticed a soda fountain only a few paces away. I pushed open the glass door, and walked in.

It wasn't crowded, only a few people sat in booths against the back wall. The floor had black and white tile and the walls were decorated with pictures of ice creams, floats, cupcakes and sodas. The air smelled deliciously sweet. My mouth watered. I sat down at the counter, and my legs dangled off the stool like a child. An older lady in a white dress approached me. "Hi dear." She grinned. "What can I get for you?" I had only planned on a soda, but ice cream sounded so good.

I went for both. "Root beer float." I replied.

"It'll just be a second." She walked back to the ice cream cooler and scooped out a large dollop of vanilla ice cream into a tall dessert glass. I licked my lips, as she filled the glass with dark soda. She sat it down in front of me with a straw and spoon. "Fifteen cents." She said.

I nearly panicked. I didn't bring my purse, but then I remembered the laundry bag. I was so glad Charlie had left some change in his pockets. I scrounged up fifteen cents and thanked the woman. I took out the crumpled paper I had found in Jacob's pocket and laid it on the counter, making a mental note to throw it away when I left.

She went back to work wiping off tables, but I could feel her staring at me. When I glanced over my shoulder, I could see the look in her eyes was one of pity. Did I really look so sad? I didn't feel sad anymore, not since I found out Edward was alive. But I was still lonely, very lonely, waiting anxiously for his return. I sipped my float and stared awkwardly at the wall. The sweet cool drink was refreshing in the heat. I never went out to eat by myself. It was strange not having anyone to talk to. I wished I had brought my book or anything to read, so I didn't look so alone.

I stabbed the blob of white ice cream with my spoon, and the crumpled paper caught my eye. It was probably nothing, maybe a flyer, maybe a note, maybe just a blank sheet of paper, not that it was any of my business. It wasn't as if Jacob had given me permission to go through his pockets, but what did it matter. I didn't give him permission to do any of things he tried with me. I never said, "Jacob take my hand, or Jacob kiss my cheek." I laid the spoon against the inside of the glass, and took the wrinkled ball in my hands.

Unfolding it slowly, it became obvious that there was something written on it. I thought I recognized the handwriting, but I wasn't sure. I skimmed the creased sheet. A loud gasp escaped my lips, and my hand flew into the air in anticipation, almost knocking over my glass. My float wobbled and finally settled back onto the countertop.

"Are you all right, sweetheart?" The lady asked from behind me.

"F-fine." I replied, my voice shaking violently. My hands trembled as I clutched the paper with my name on it, with his name on it… a letter from Edward. Tears began to swell in my eyes. A thousand questions about Jacob raced through my mind, but I didn't care about that at the moment. This was a letter from Edward, and that was all I could focus on. My vision was bleary, and I could hardly read the words. He said he loved me. He missed me, and he was coming back. Something was wrong, but he wouldn't tell me any details. My thoughts raced with a thousand horrible possibilities. What if he caught something else in the hospital? Some rare and terrible disease, and he was still in agony. What if he was badly injured with broken bones or head trauma? It could have been anything, and I was so scared for his safety. He was probably lying somewhere weak and fragile, needing someone to take care of him, needing me. And what was I doing? On _vacation_ with someone else. What kind of heartless monster was I?

I dried my tears with a napkin and tried to finish the letter. Three words stood out to me, _my friend Jacob._ I couldn't even read the sentence around that phrase. It was too painful, too horrible to imagine. He wasn't a childhood companion. Jacob knew Edward was alive. Edward sent him to me to in good confidence, because he didn't want me to be sad anymore.

My thoughts traveled back to the first night I met Jacob. I had practically fallen into his arms, given myself to him with no questions asked. Then, I remember the paper he crumpled behind his back when he embraced me. That was it, that was the moment he decided to forsake Edward. My stomach began to twist into painful knots. I couldn't hold back the sobs any longer. Quiet cries erupted from my throat. Jacob wasn't just annoying anymore. I hated him, I hated him with every ounce of my being. How could he do that to Edward, to me? He pretended to care for both of us, but he lied to keep us apart. How selfish could he be? Did he not see how much it hurt me to be apart from Edward? It wasn't enough to betray him on his own, he had to drag me down with him. Now we were both guilty. Anger seethed in my tears.

"My goodness." The lady exclaimed. I heard her approach me from behind. She sat in the stool beside mine, and I felt her arm slide around my shoulders. "Dear, don't tell me you're all right this time, because I know you aren't." She leaned in to me and whisper the words in a gentle tone.

I hung my head, and she wiped a tear from my cheek. "It's complicated."

"Sometimes it helps just to tell someone about it." Her wrinkles deepened when she smiled.

I sighed deeply, and tried to explain the horrible mess I was in in as few words as possible. "Men." I said, my voice full of contempt.

She smirked and looked at me with knowing eyes. "Are you in love dear?"

"Very much so." I replied.

"And the boy, he loves you too?" She asked.

"Yes he does." I almost managed a smile at the thought.

"Well whatever it is, if you truly love each other, everything will be fine." The door opened behind me, and a couple walked in. The lady patted me on the back, and got up to tend to the customers.

I resigned myself to my thoughts. Poor Edward, it just wasn't fair. Everything he loved was gone. Life betrayed him, and now his best friend. Et tu Jacob? He stabbed him in the back without wavering. But Edward would not fall. I wouldn't let him. I may have made a mistake, but I was all he had left.

I wadded the letter back up into a ball and got up from my seat. I wiped the last remaining traces of tears from my eyes, and threw it in the trash. Jacob couldn't find out what I knew. I waved and smiled at the kind lady, and she mouthed the words good luck.

When I made it back into the heat, my mind began to race. I had plenty of new information, and now I needed a new plan. I took slow steps on the sidewalk, as I tried to gather my frantic thoughts. How did Jacob get the letter? Did he visit Edward in the hospital in Chicago? Did Edward come to his house? If Edward was in South Carolina, that would certainly explain Jacob's apprehension about taking us to his home. But things still didn't add up. Why would Edward be in Jocassee? If he was sick, how did he even get there?

His words from my dream echoed in my head. _"Follow him to me."_ Jacob wasn't going to Chicago. So I could only assume that I was meant to go to Jocassee. I didn't know how I was going to get there if Jacob wasn't going to take us, but I had to go. There was no choice, I was going to get there. I took a deep breath, as I approached the door of the hotel. I finally had a solid plan, but in the meantime I was going to have to be an amazing actress.

I walked through the door and down the dark hallway to our room. I tried to be as quiet as possible, but deep chattering voices greeted me from the other side. Charlie sat on the bed, a newspaper spread out in front of him. Jacob was awake, still stretched out on the couch, and he looked wracked with worry.

He didn't say hello, just glared at me angrily. "You didn't have to take my laundry down there." He spat the words with venom. Charlie rustled his paper, as if to warm him to be nice.

I smiled sweetly, trying desperately to put away the anger that seethed in my soul. "Oh Jake, it was no problem." I giggled.

He perked up a little bit, some of the tension seemed to fade from his features. "You should have woken me up. I would have liked to go with you." He smirked and licked his lips.

I sighed, here we go again. I pushed back the lump in my throat. "Yeah, I would have liked that." I tried to speak in the most sincere voice I could muster, but it was difficult not to smack him across the face. It wasn't the time to seek revenge against Jacob. He still held the key to everything I wanted. Until my feet hit in the rocky soil of Jocassee, South Carolina, I was going to be kind to him.

**A/N: **We're getting close to the end. I'd like to know what you want to happen. Should there be a baby involved? Do you want Bella to become a vampire? Tell me what you think. Thanks for reading! Please Review!


	24. Chapter 24: The Escape

**Place of the Lost**

A/N: Oh we're getting so close. Hope you enjoy!

_Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Chapter 24: The Escape**

BPOV:

I didn't think it was possible, but Seneca was hotter than Nashville. We stepped off the train around five in the afternoon, and the heat just fell on me like thick veil. The last few days had been absolutely torturous. I was forced to look in the eyes of a betrayer and bury my anger. It was starting to become too much. I couldn't sleep; I could barely eat, and my nerves were absolutely shot. The pent up rage was churning inside me, threatening to explode at any moment.

We stopped for dinner at a little diner on main street in Seneca. Jacob walked close behind me, his hand resting on the small of my back. He seemed to have gotten over most of the worried anxiety that plagued him just a few days ealier. He spent nearly every waking hour with me, and it was all I could do to hide my annoyed rage. Every time I looked into his eyes, all I could see was an arrogant liar. Nothing he said meant anything to me anymore. Nearly every word out of his mouth had been a lie, and there would never be anything between us. I just hated that it took me so long to figure that out. At this point, I was just using him the same way he used Edward. Now that we were so close, I didn't know how I was going to make it to Jocassee, but I would take the first opportunity available, even if it meant following Jacob's dad home from lunch the next day.

We walked into the diner, and the smell of fried food filled my nostrils. My stomach began to rumble. The walls were a dingy white and light wooden booths lined the walls. I followed Charlie to the cash register, where a young blonde girl stood, twirling her hair in her fingers. I saw Jacob's eyes widen, and he licked his lips. He quickly moved his hand from my back, and stepped out from behind me. I scoffed internally, he was _actually _looking at another girl. After all the lies, deceit and betrayal, I wasn't even that special to him.

"Hey there." The girl spoke to us collectively, but her eyes were glued on Jacob. "What can I get you?"

Charlie spoke up first, "I'll have a cheeseburger, no onions, fries and a coke."

My mouth watered at the words. "I'll have the same." I said.

Jacob's face turned up in a little half smile that I had once found attractive. But then it only made my blood boil. "Chicken fried steak." He said in an inappropriately seductive tone.

She grinned sheepishly at Jacob. Charlie paid her and we took our seat in a booth. I waited patiently for my father to sit down, and I slid in next to him. I glowered at Jacob, as he stared across the restaurant at her. I hoped he would interpret it as jealousy, but it was a good opportunity to release some of my anger. I don't think he even noticed, which only made me feel worse. How could anyone be so careless and indecisive?

"So Jake," Charlie broke the silence. "Are you looking forward to seeing your father?"

He smiled. "Yeah, this is the longest I've been away from him in years. I hope he's making it all right without me."

Charlie looked at him in adoration. It made my stomach turn. I wish I could tell my father what a terrible judge of character he truly was. "You're a thoughtful kid, Jake. But I wouldn't worry, I'm sure he'd tell you if he couldn't get by on his own."

"Yeah, you're right Charlie." He replied. "But I've had it easier than him. He's been all alone, and I've practically joined a new family." He chuckled lightly. "You're like my second father." I thought I was going to vomit.

"Would you excuse me please." I couldn't hide the anger in my voice any longer. Charlie nodded, and I got up from the table. There was a sign in the corner labeled restroom, so I walked towards it and found myself in a dank closet with a sink and toilet. I splashed some cool water on my face and took deep breaths, trying to calm down. _"Not yet."_ I told myself. _"Not yet. He'll get what he deserves in good time."_ I collected my muddled thoughts and returned to the table.

Jacob was still drooling at the blonde behind the counter and shamelessly buttering up Charlie. It was disgusting. "Are you feeling all right?" Jacob asked, staring deep into my eyes.

"Fine, thank you." There was no sincerity in my voice.

"We'll find a hotel after dinner." Charlie said. "Then you can go lay down. You really don't look well."

"Thanks dad!" I replied sarcastically.

"Oh I didn't mean it like that. You just have dark circles under your eyes, like you haven't been sleeping well, and your skin is slightly paler than usual."

"I'm fine dad, really! I just don't sleep well away from home. I'm not used to all this traveling."

"Yeah, it does take a lot out of you." He replied. "Well we'll turn in early tonight, and hopefully you can get some extra rest." I nodded and out of the corner of my eye, saw the blonde moving in our direction, her arms full of plates.

"All right." She said in a cheerful voice. "Cheeseburgers for you two." She laid two steaming plates in front of Charlie and I. "And chicken fried steak for you, sweetheart." She emphasized the word sweetheart. Jacob grinned from ear to ear, and I really thought I was going to vomit that time.

I didn't speak for the rest of dinner. Charlie shot worried glances in my direction every few minutes, but he was too hungry to care. I guess he just thought I wasn't feeling well. I ate the entire burger, and that seemed to help my mood.

"All done Bells?" Charlie asked.

I faked a smile. "Yeah dad, let's go." We all slid out of the booth, and I saw Jacob give a little wave to the blonde. She giggled at him and blew a kiss. I sighed angrily, and Jacob shot me a wary glance. When we made it outside, his hand returned to his usual spot on the small of my back.

Our hotel room wasn't as nice as the one we stayed at in Nashville. It wasn't big enough for all three of us. So Charlie and Jake shared a room, and they gave me one to myself. Charlie kept the joining door open, as a safety precaution. It was only eight thirty when I slipped into my night gown and climbed into bed, but I was exhausted, not physically but emotionally.

I stared at the white ceiling for a long time, trying to slow my racing mind. The sunny yellow walls made it difficult to sleep. Rage, excitement and anticipation coursed through my veins. This was as close as I'd been to Edward since the last time I saw him in the hospital, and maybe tomorrow… I would see him again. I tried desperately not to get my hopes because I knew there was a good chance that Edward wouldn't be there, or that I wouldn't be able to find him. But I couldn't stifle the last shred of hope that burned inside of me.

I pulled the thin white duvet over my body, and closed my eyes. Sleep was no where to be found. I heard Charlie's loud snores rumbling from the other room. I laid there for nearly two hours, trying to figure out how I was going to ditch my father tomorrow, or convince Jacob to take me to his house. I was even prepared to bargain with sex. He lied to me, so I figured it was my turn.

_Someone's_ bed creaked in the other room. _Someone's_ feet hit the floor with a loud thud. Charlie was still snoring. I closed my eyes and laid perfectly still, _someone_ poked their head into my door…Jacob. He walked back into the room. His suitcase unzipped slowly; he was trying to suppress the noise. He was going somewhere. Edward's words came to me again _"Follow him to me."_ I had no idea where he was going, but this was my first opportunity to possibly make it to Jocassee, and I wasn't about to let it go. So, I slid silently out of bed, and slipped my dress and shoes back on. I holed up by the door, waiting for him to leave. I stared through the peephole, until I saw him creep into the dim hallway. Then I made my move. Opening the door as quietly as possible, I slipped out of the hotel room and walked slowly after Jacob.

I cringed as the floor groaned loudly with each of my steps. I strained to hear Jacob, he was already at the front door of the hotel. It creaked, as he pushed it open. Breaking out into a run, I hurried to make it to the door. I peered out the window. He went left and turned the corner. When he was out of sight, I crept out the door. It wasn't until I was outside, in the dark, that I realized I was walking alone in a strange town, at night. My hands began to tremble, but I swallowed my fears and pressed on. This was for Edward, and I couldn't be afraid.

Jacob ducked through a dark alley, but I couldn't see which way he turned. My heart was pounding, and my breathing was heavy and labored. I had to keep up, and my heels were not conducive to quiet running. Getting through the alley made me nervous. Only a few feet of light spilled into the brick corridor on the other side. An ominous figured loomed in the middle. I wouldn't have even known they were there if hadn't been for the faint glow of their lit cigarette, I had to go anyway.

I broke out into a run, and as I passed the figure, an icy hand reached out and grabbed my arm. It was too dark to see their face. I wanted to scream but they wrapped their arm around my shoulder and covered my mouth. I began to shiver at their icy touch. "Calm down." The voice whispered in my ear. It wasn't deep like that of a man, but instead high like the ringing of bells and strangely familiar. But it couldn't have been a woman, their grip was much too strong. I felt as if I was wrapped in steel bars. "He turned right." They whispered. "Go. Find him." The hand dropped from my lips, and the cold arms relaxed around me, freeing me from their strong bonds.

I raced out of the alley, scared and confused. I turned right as the voice had told me, just in time to see Jacob climbing into a Model T. He pulled away, and the feeling of defeat washed over me. My heart sank, there was no way I could follow him now. As they turned back on to main street, I saw a sign on the side of the car. It was a taxi, and it occurred to me. I needed a taxi, and I needed one right away. I dug my hand into the pocket of my dress. "Ah." I sighed. I had a five dollar bill. Surely I could make it to Jocassee on that.

I walked to where Jacob had stood and waited. It took several minutes but eventually an older man pulled up beside me in a taxi, just like the one he had taken.

The man had a confused expression his face. "Do you need a ride young lady?" He spoke with a heavy southern accent. He had tiny round glasses and thick gray eyebrows. His pale bald head almost shined.

"Yes sir." I replied, trying to act as confident as possible.

"Hop on in." I walked to the other side of the car and got in. The interior smelled like tobacco and peppermint. "Where are you headed this time of night?" He said as he touched my forearm lightly. His skin was freezing, just like the person in the alley. It made my hands tremble.

"Jocassee please."

His eyes grew wide. "Jocassee! That's twenty miles from here."

"I know sir."

"Do you mind if I ask why you're headed there?"

"To see a friend sir, they're very sick." That was kind of the truth, maybe. Edward could still be sick.

"All right then, if it's a emergency."

"It is sir."

"There's only one problem. The road is too rocky for me to make the entire trip in this thing." He pushed his glasses back up his nose. "But I can get you within two miles, and you can follow the road on foot into the valley."

I sighed deeply. The thought of a two mile hike in these shoes was excruciating, but I had no choice. "That's fine." He pulled forward slowly.

"What's your name dear?"

"Bella." I replied.

"Oh that's a lovely name. I'm Eleazar."

"You don't sound like you're from here, Bella." He said. I could already tell it was going to be an awkward trip. He didn't seem like the kind of person who appreciated silence.

"No, actually I'm from Chicago." I replied.

"Oh Chicago." He smiled. "Lovely city. I went there once as a boy. How do you like South Carolina?"

"I've only been here a few hours." I giggled falsely. "But what I've seen has been nice. It's just very hot."

"Why yes, that is the truth." He said as he turned off main street and away from Seneca. He grew quiet for sometime after that. The road ahead became very dark, the small headlights on the car were the only things separating us from the blackness. The farther we got away from the town the more the forest seemed to take over. Eventually we bumped along on a one lane gravel road lined with trees. "I do apologize. From this point on, the trip will be rather uncomfortable."

"That's okay." I smiled.

"I rarely leave Seneca in this car, but you did look so awfully desperate."

"Thank you sir. I really appreciate. I need to get to my friend as quickly as possible." I couldn't hide the eagerness in my voice.

"This friend, he wouldn't be a young man would he?"

I smirked. "Yes sir."

"I figured as much, and a special one no doubt, for you to be making trips at this hour."

"Yes sir, I haven't seen him in a while."

"Aw, well I'm sure your reunion will be the most joyous of occasions." I giggled lightly and nodded. Who actually talked like that? We came to an abrupt stop. "All right dear, this is where I have to stop." I swallowed hard trying to push the lump that formed in my throat. There was nothing outside but a rocky road, and the trees. There were no lights. I didn't have a candle, or a lantern.

"So it's two miles from here?" I asked.

"Yes dear just follow the road, it'll lead you straight into the village."

I nodded, "How much do I owe you?"

He smiled. "Consider this one on the house. It was wonderful to meet you Bella. Best of luck to you and your _friend_."

"Thank you sir. Have a good evening." I slid off the seat and shut the door.

He rolled down the window and shouted to me "Oh, and Bella."

"Yes?"

"Please be careful. I'm rather worried about leaving you. Stick to the road. Don't get lost. Good night dear." And with that he pulled away.

When those headlights disappeared down the road, I felt utterly alone. I had the urge to cry, I don't think I've ever been anywhere that dark before. Being from the city, I expected street lamps, house lights…anything. But there was only the faint glow of a half moon to light the way. The sounds of the night forest echoed around me.

I stumbled along the rocky road in my heels. They clicked loudly on the stones. Jacob was no where in sight. I was beginning to wonder if he even came here. But where else would he be? Not that it even matter, I wasn't there for Jacob. I was there for Edward, and that's what kept me going despite the dark, the eerie sounds, and my total lack of a plan once I actually reached Jocassee.

My feet were aching after only a few hundred yards of walking. The gravel road was steep and full of pot holes. So I slipped off my shoes and walked in the damp grass by the road. It was cool against my toes and I covered the distance much more quickly. Every few yards I stuck my foot out to the side to feel for the stony road.

A furious animal roared in the distance. It sounded like the ferocious groan of a distressed mountain lion. I shuddered and tried not to panic, but my heart raced. I suddenly noticed every sound: every rustle of the leaves, every hoot of the owls, every flutter of the moths wings. The fear was overwhelming. I dropped my shoes and took off running.

I sprinted for several minutes until my chest burned and my heart thudded in my chest. I doubled over trying to catch my breath. I reached my foot out searching for the rocks that told me I was still beside the road…nothing. My toe sank into mud. I took a few steps over and searched for the stones with my feet. Eleazar's words echoed in my mind _"Be careful. Stay on the path."_ I scolded myself internally. Why couldn't I keep it together? Now I was lost in a strange place, with no idea where the road was! There were wild animals out here for God's sake.

I sat down. I didn't know what else to do. I hated just giving up and waiting to be rescued, but I had exactly zero ideas. My dress became damp from the wet grass. I buried my head in my hands, feeling defeated. I remained silent and still for several minutes.

Then I heard it, a familiar sound, rushing water. It was exactly what I heard in my dream that night on the train, except distant, fainter. I immediately picked myself up off the ground and ran towards the sound. The rushing river wasn't too far in the forest, but it was still very dark. I decided this was my only chance. I had to follow it.

I took slow steps making sure I wasn't going into the bank. Walking for what felt like hours, I finally saw some signs of civilization. I smelt wood smoke, and saw the faint glow of lanterns in the distance. After a hundred more yards. I could make out the silhouette of tiny cabins against the blackness. I breathed in a deep sigh of relief. I was finally in Jocassee.

**A/N: **The next chapter is the big one. I can't believe I'm almost finished. I've had fun writing this story. Thanks for reading. Please review!


	25. Chapter 25: This is Forever

**Place of the Lost**

A/N: This chapter has both Edward and Bella's point of view. I hate doing that in one chapter, but it was necessary to get the whole story. Hope you enjoy!

_Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Chapter 25: This is Forever**

BPOV:

A strange mix of emotions washed over me. Excitement, fear, anticipation, worry, confusion and doubt coursed through my veins with an overwhelming vigor. I didn't know it was possible to feel that many things at once. I had finally reached my destination. I felt closer to Edward than I had in weeks. It was as if I could feel him calling out to me, beckoning me to come to him. But some of that exhilaration was lost on the fact that I had no idea what to do upon arriving in Jocassee. The moon was slowly retreating behind a patch of thick clouds, and I was lost in utter darkness, only the sound of the misty flowing river to guide my way.

I stepped lightly, trying to avoid stumbling over the riverbank. I listened intently but most of the sounds of the night forest were drowned out by my labored breaths. My chest heaved forcefully from the two mile hike; I was exhausted. My legs felt weak and unsteady underneath me. As I was feeling around for a safe place to step, my big toe crashed into jagged rock. "Ouch!" The words escaped my lips in an angry cry.

"Who's there?" A voice came from the blackness. I froze, my body becoming rigid with fear. I stood perfectly still, my toe throbbing, and my heart pounding violently inside my chest. "I know you're back there. I've heard you for nearly the last mile." I breathed a sigh of relief. It was only Jacob; He wouldn't hurt me. "Damn it!" He shouted. "I'm carrying a knife. If you don't speak up right now, you're going to have a hell of a lot of trouble on your hands."

As much as I didn't want him to know I was here, I wanted to be stabbed even less. So, I gave in and spoke. "It's me." I whispered.

"Bella?" I could tell by his tone that he was shocked. "What the hell do you think you're doing here?" His thunderous footsteps began to move toward me.

I tried to lie. "Uh…I s-saw you leaving, and I thought maybe something was wrong. So, I followed you."

He scoffed. "You followed me for twenty miles to see if something was wrong? You know I hate being lied to." His words were full of venom.

"It's the truth." I sounded slightly more convincing than before. "I didn't know where you were going. I was worried about you."

He stood directly in front of me. "There is nothing to be worried about Bella." He couldn't hide his anger any longer. "You need to go back to the hotel and go to bed. Now!"

"I can't Jake. You know that. The taxi left over an hour ago." That was the truth. There was no way I was getting back to Seneca before sunrise. "I'm in Jocassee for the night." I said, a slight hint of triumph in my voice.

"You shouldn't be here!" He screamed, his hot breath pounding against my face. I could barely make out his features through the darkness, but I could tell they were contorted into an angry grimace.

"Jake." I said, my tone sugary sweet. "What's wrong?" I put my hand on his shoulder. He shrugged it off.

"Damn it Bella, this is dangerous!" His voice was becoming deep and throaty.

"What are you talking about?"

"These woods, they're full of.." He hesitated. "Bears, mountain lions, wolves, snakes. You don't need to be out here."

I giggled falsely, "It's okay Jake, I'm with you."

"Don't give me that bullshit Bella. I know you're mad at me. You won't even talk to me anymore. You don't want me to touch you. You don't want to spend time with me. I'm beginning to think you don't even like me."

My face grew solemn, my voice emotionless. "Why would I _ever _be mad at you?" He didn't respond. It was as if his temperature was rising, I could feel the heat radiating off of him. It reminded me of the night of the storm, but this time his heat didn't come from passion, but from rage. The fury burned inside of him.

He grabbed my wrist violently and started to pull. "Damn it, come on" His words were full of venom. "You have to get inside my house. Now!"

"Jake! Stop it!" I pleaded. "You're hurting me." His fingernails began to dig into my skin.

"Shut up Bella! Don't say another damn word."

"I'm not going with you Jake. Let go of my arm!" I jerked back, but his grip was too strong. I couldn't get free.

He pulled me close to him, and began to whisper in my ear. "You can walk, or I'll drag you behind me. But either way you're going to shut your mouth, and go to that cabin."

My hands were clenched in angry fists. He was _not_ going to talk to me like that, and I was not going with him without a fight. There was something out there that he didn't want me to see, and it had nothing to do with wild animals. I raised my trembling fist and smashed it into his jaw with all my strength. My hand immediately began to throb, it was as if I had punched a brick wall.

He didn't hardly flinch. "You little bitch!" He screamed. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" As he spoke, the clouds cleared from in front of the moon, illuminating his angry features with an eerie glow. His breathing began to quicken, and I could hear his heart pounding inside his chest. His spine started to raise under his shirt into an unnatural curve. The death grip he had on my hand began to loosen, and eventually fell away. I wanted to run, but I was too scared.

He fell to the ground, his head twisting back and fourth, and his writhing spine breaking through his shirt. Spidery blue veins broke out across the stretched skin on his bare back. He lifted his hand into the moon light, his fingernails began to grow, changing into long razor sharp talons. He raised his head and looked me dead in the eyes. It wasn't Jacob anymore, his eyes were dark and blank…soulless. A throaty snarl escaped his throat. I couldn't move, couldn't speak, could barely stand. Paralyzing fear held me tighter than Jacob's grip on my wrist.

Tufts of russet hair began to push through the skin on his back, and a thousand tiny cracks echoed through the air. At first, I didn't know what they were, then I saw his arms and legs contracting and lengthening rhythmically. They were changing shape, and his bones were breaking under the pressure. He groaned in agony, but the sound was no longer human. His muscles swelled, and his clothing burst at the seams, until they lay in rags beside him. He hung his head back down to the ground, claws digging violently into the earth. His face was shrouded in shadows, but I could see his features twitching erratically in the moonlight. The hair suddenly began to spread over his body, like he was putting on a thick coat. I was so terrified, so confused. What was happening to him?

Then, with one last writhe and groan. He lifted his head. I took a deep breath. Jacob was gone. In front of me stood an enormous wolf, its teeth bared and its eyes full of fury. It glared at me, and snarled into the night. Suddenly, it leapt towards my frozen frame, it's white razor sharp teeth searching for my throat. I felt its hot breath against my face. I watched its claws reach for my shoulders, as if in slow motion. The moment was surreal, impossible. It had to be a dream.

Just before it landed on me, a white blur darted from the trees, slamming the enraged wolf to the dirt. The ground shook as it's enormous body crashed into the earth.

"Run Bella!" A familiar voice shouted. My heart leapt into my throat. Edward! It was Edward! He was alive, and he was with me! Relief washed over my entire body, replacing my terror with elation.

"Edward!" I called back to him, the snarls and growls of the wolf almost drowning out my voice.

"It's me Bella." He replied over a loud crack of what I could only assume was bone. "Run Bella! You have to run! It's not safe here. I'll find you when this is over."

I didn't want to leave, but I had to listen to Edward. "I love you!" I cried as

I made my weak legs move furiously through the wet grass. The wolf roared back at me.

"I love you too." Edward shouted the reply. That would have to do for now. I was off, I had no idea what time it was, but the sky seemed to be getting lighter. But I still couldn't see very well, a heavy mist began to settle over the landscape. Yet I haphazardly put one foot in front of the other breaking out into a near sprint.

I could hear the river, I was getting closer but still couldn't see it through the darkness and the fog. Suddenly I lost my footing, my feet slipping in the mud and wet grass. I tumbled forward and bashed my head on a rock. A scream of agony erupted from my throat. The pain was excruciating, my vision went bleary… then black. I started to roll downward uncontrollably. I reached my hands out frantically, trying to grab a rock, a branch, anything. But I immediately jerked the weak plants out of the ground, and the loose rocks and dirt clods crumbled in my hands. I rolled violently two more times hitting my head on another rock. The sound of the river was upon me.

I hit the icy water completely disoriented. I tried to fight against the strong rushing heave, but I was too weak to pull myself out, too cold to even move. The frigid water seeped into my mouth and nose, filling my lungs like daggers. I coughed against the pain, but I only got another mouthful of water. I moved swiftly downstream, until my body got caught against a large dam of rocks. The water protested, repeatedly smashing me into boulders, I felt my bones crunching at the force of the relentless current.

I gave up, bringing my flailing arms to rest at my side. I was caught in a tumultuous battle between the earth's most fundamental elements. The cold penetrated my bloody skin, my broken bones and my burning lungs, all the way to my faintly beating heart. I knew I was going to die. I thought of Edward. _"I love you too."_ He said.

EPOV:

I grappled furiously with the wolf, overcome with unfathomable rage. He was going to kill Bella, and that stirred emotions in me I never knew existed. A deep hate rose from the bowels of my soul and erupted out of me in the most menacing roars I had ever heard from any creature. The wolf's snapping teeth lunged for my exposed neck. It writhed underneath me, its claws penetrating my rocky skin. It was the first time I had felt pain since I had changed. It was simultaneously exhilarating and terrifying, finally fighting a worthy opponent.

When I heard Bella run, I pulled myself off the wolf. We began to circle each other, darting in and out, trying to gain the upper hand. Low growls spewed from his throat, as I taunted him. "Friends!" I scoffed, skirting out of the way as he lunged at me. "You're a lying bastard Jacob Black, and you're going to die like the filthy mutt you are."

I sprang on him, his claws digging into my back. I punched him with all my strength; he whimpered as his jaw shattered. "For Bella." I whispered. Then I heard a shrill scream, only yards away. It was Bella! She was in trouble! Worry washed over me, drowning out my evil pride. The wolf fell to the ground, laying there nothing but a sniveling mass of fur. I picked him up and threw him against a tree. The timber cracked as he crashed violently into the trunk. His bones crunched, and he hit the ground with a thud. I could still hear the faint murmur of his heart, but I was too worried about Bella to continue. I left him lying there, and sprinted into the dark mist.

I frantically searched the air for Bella's scent. It lead me to the river. My dead heart sank, as I smelled her freshly spilled the blood. The rocks on the riverbank were stained red. I raced downstream, following her scent.

My heart shattered as I saw the messy mop of wet brown hair floating at the top of the misty river. The current had pinned her unmoving body against a crop of large rocks. "Oh God, Bella no!" I screamed the words, as I leapt into the water. I took her limp body in my arms, clutching her tight to my chest. Placing my hand on her heart, I felt a weak pulse. She was still clinging to life. Her intoxicating blood began to stain my skin, but the fire in my throat didn't react at all. The fear of losing her was so much greater than my desire for blood.

Closing my eyes, as I lifted her out of the misty river, strange images clouded my sharp mind. I saw a beautiful Indian girl with long black braids. She was in the arms of a strong man, with a long gash in his throat. He looked at her with loving eyes. _"Save her!"_ They screamed at me. _"Break it. Please break it!"_ Confused I blinked furiously, trying to clear the images from my mind and the mist from my field of vision.

"Bella!" I shouted but got no response. Hurrying out of the river, I laid her body against mine on the bank. I pushed forcefully on her torso, dirty water poured from her mouth. She gasped, trying to breathe. I pushed again, more water spilled from her lips, but still her chest refused to heave.

"Edward!" A familiar voice, like the tinkling of bells, called my name. Alice was by my side in a second, followed by an older man whom I had never met before. I couldn't be bothered to introduce myself.

"Alice? What are you doing here?" My words were fast and frantic. "She's going to die Edward. We have to do something."

"What can we do?" I pleaded, still pushing the water from her lungs.

"Only one thing Edward." Her tone was grim.

"No." I cried. "Anything but that! I can't do that to her. She didn't get a choice."

"I've seen it Edward, she only has minutes left."

I wanted to cry for her, to plead for a normal life, but once again the tears wouldn't come. "I don't know if it's what she wants. I can't make this decision for her."

"You have to!" She exclaimed.

"But this life, Alice, it's so difficult. I don't know if it would be safe."

"Edward!" She screamed. "Get a hold of yourself. Now think, you know her better than anyone. Do what she'd want!"

"I c-can't." I stuttered over the troubling words. "But I know who can help." I scooped Bella up into my arms, and sprinted through the darkness and the fog towards the widow's cabin. I heard the quiet bounds of Alice and her friend behind me. Pounding my fist on the door, I heard the widow moving faster than usual.

She quickly opened the door. "Edward!" She shouted sleepily. "It's four thirty in the morning." Then she looked down, and saw Bella's limp body in my arms. "Oh god!" She exclaimed.

"She fell into the river." I explained. "While I was fighting with Jacob. He tried to hurt her. Alice says she only has a few minutes left, and I need your help."

Her eyes grew wide and terrified. "Well for God's sake come in child." She guided the four of us into her living room. She took Bella's hand and began to tremble at the cold touch. "Take her to my bedroom." She commanded, pointing towards a door in the corner. "I'll get some extra blankets."

I carried her to the room, laying her gently on the quilt covered bed. Her wet hair splayed out messily over the white pillow. Placing my hand on her chest, I was devastated. I could barely detect the faint beating of her heart. The widow returned with an arm full of blankets. Alice took them from her and began to spread them over Bella.

The widows wrinkles were deep with worry, she reminded me of a cracked painting. She took Bella's wrist in her hand. "I can't even feel her pulse." She said in a defeated tone. "I'm so sorry Edward. I don't think there is anything I can do."

"I know." I cried. "I just need to know. If he could have bitten you, and given you the life he had. Would you have wanted that? If you and Tyler could have been together?"

She sighed deeply, a large tear rolling down her cheek. "The life of a vampire is not an easy one, you know that. But what greater gift than an eternity to spend with the one you love?"

"I'm just not sure." I cried. "I don't want to be selfish and ruin her life."

The widow took my hand and looked directly into my eyes. "Edward." Her voice was calm and soothing. "She's lost without you, dead at seventeen years old. Or you can save her and love her with all your heart until the end of time."

"Now Edward!" Alice screamed. "You have to do it now!"

I took a deep breath, and tried to put my fears and worry behind me. Gently pushing her wet hair from her neck, I leaned down and whispered in her ear. "This is forever." I placed my lips on her throat, and sank my sharp teeth into her delicate porcelain skin.

**A/N: **Aw… finally back together! I'm not sure how much I want to write about Bella's transformation. I could do a three or four chapter thing, or just an epilogue. I also have some ideas for a sequel. Tell me what you think! Thanks for reading! Please review!


	26. Chapter 26: The Question

**Place of the Lost**

A/N: Just tying up some loose ends. Hope you enjoy!

_Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Chapter 26: The Question**

EPOV:

Her blood was sweet, the most positively mouthwatering thing I have ever tasted. Under any other circumstance, it would have been difficult, nearly impossible, to stop. But I knew what it was like to be without her, and it was excruciating. Satiating my thirst couldn't compare to an eternity with her, and it certainly wasn't worth an eternity without her. So I pulled my teeth from her delicate flesh, and waited while the flames took over.

It was both agonizing and beautiful watching Bella writhe and groan in pain. I remembered how excruciating the fire was when it raced through my veins, and licked at my feeble human heart. I hated that she had to suffer, but the widow kept whispering, "A few hours in exchange for eternity." She kept me sane. I held her hand and remained constantly vigilant taking note of every miniscule change in her appearance. Her skin started to pale, and her heart beat faded into oblivion.

Finally the agonized movements ceased, and she just laid there, very still and quiet, her pale body twisted awkwardly atop the floral quilt. It was a peaceful but terrifying moment. She didn't make a sound; her chest didn't heave with breath; her skin went ice cold. She looked…dead.

Then her eyes fluttered open. "Edward." She whispered.

"I'm here Bella." I took her hand lovingly into mine.

She looked into my eyes and smiled. "Is this heaven?" I tried desperately to read her thoughts, but I couldn't see anything, not a word, not a feeling, not a color… just blackness.

I chuckled lightly, "No, we're still on earth."

"Are you sure?" She murmured, still very confused. "I knew I was going to die in the water. I tried to sink into the bright lights, but there was an Indian girl and her lover on the riverbank. They told me to fight, to keep breathing, but it was so hard. I'm sorry Edward, I wanted to hang on for them, and mostly for you. I just couldn't do it; I gave up. Then I was burned by a fire so hot it had to be from the deepest pit of hell. I tired to think, tried to figure out what I had done that damned my soul, but then everything went dark. The flames faded, and I woke up here, in heaven."

I sighed loudly. "Bella, I promise this isn't heaven. It's South Carolina." I laughed, taking a seat on the bed beside her.

"But you're here, and you're healthy. I feel better than I ever have before, like I could climb mountains. If I'm not dead, then it must be a dream." She protested. I took her in my arms, and all the pain, misery and sadness that had loomed over me since the day my father died melted away. "Edward." She whispered. "Why did you leave me?"

I held her close to my body, letting her head relax on my chest. "We have a lot to talk about."

"I know." She sighed.

"Let me start." I took a deep, unnecessary breath. "Tell me what you hear?"

She paused momentarily, listening intently. "Nothing." The words were barely audible. "Where's your heartbeat?" I took her hand and placed it on her own chest. Her chin nearly fell on the floor. "Where's my heartbeat? Are we dead? Are we ghosts?"

"No." I smiled. "We aren't ghosts."

"What are we?" She asked, her expression worried and earnest.

I lifted her chin with my hand, and stared into her eyes. "We'll never change; we won't die a mortal's death. We can be together until the end of time. Bella," I hesitated. "We're vampires."

Her eyes grew wide. "So you lied to me?" Fear washed over me, I didn't want her to be angry. She caressed my cold cheek with her hand. "We _are_ in heaven."

I smiled. "Forever with you, is my idea of paradise." Sighing, I knew I had to tell her the negative side. "You believe me? Just like that?" She nodded. "But it's not an easy life."

"Of course I believe you." She interjected. "I know nothing short of the impossible would have kept you from me. I also know this can't be easy. Such a beautiful eternity couldn't come without a price. I'd give everything… down to my everlasting soul for the life we were supposed to have. So I don't care what I have to pay." She sighed. "It's the blood isn't it? It's true what the books say. We have to kill people?"

"No!" I nearly shouted. "We don't have to kill anyone. We can survive on the blood of animals. But you'll still crave human blood. Sometimes it's agonizing, you can smell it. Your throat is probably burning right now."

"A little." She said. "But it's not overwhelming."

"It'll get worse." I cried. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to have to do this. I wanted to let you choose if you wanted to be with me or not. But you were dying Bella, and I couldn't bear the thought of being without you."

She pushed me away hard, unwrapping my arms from her body. "What are you talking about?" She screamed "You wanted to ask me, as if my feelings for you were in question? Edward, I've driven myself insane trying to figure out what's going on with you. I thought you were dead. I wanted to find you, go to your funeral, but Charlie wouldn't let me out of the house. It's been the most miserable time of my life. I love you with all my heart." Her stern tone faded into hurt. "I thought you knew that."

Her words pierced me like a knife. How could I have been so stupid? I knew how I felt about her, but I never recognized how truly strong her feelings were for me. "I'm sorry." I wrapped my arm around her. "I just know how difficult it is to be one of our kind. I only wanted you to be happy, and I wasn't sure if I could give that to you anymore."

"I have no happiness without you Edward." She sniveled as if she wanted to cry, but tears wouldn't come. "You made the right decision."

A smile spread out across my face. "Both my parents are dead; my best friend betrayed me; I crave human blood; I can't believe how lucky I am." My tone wasn't sarcastic, but full of genuine sincerity.

She giggled lightly. "None of that matters anymore. We're together now."

"I know." I titled her chin with my fingertips and kissed her lips softly. She brought her hand to my cheek and gently caressed it with the back of her hand. "I've been waiting so long for that."

She sighed, "Me too."

There was a light knock at the door. "Come in." I shouted. The heavy door creaked open, and Alice and her friend stepped in.

Bella's eyes widened. "Alice! Eleazar!"

"You know him?" I asked, confused.

"Yes, he's a cab driver." Bella replied.

"Actually." The old man chuckled. "I was a bit of a cab thief, but I shan't make a career out of that."

"Wait!" I cried. "What's going on?"

"Maybe, I should explain." Alice interjected. "I had a vision of Bella getting lost in Seneca, and her never making it to you. I couldn't let that happen, so I came down here and enlisted the help of a close friend." She paused. "Edward, this is Eleazar, one of Carlisle's dearest and oldest friends."

I reached my hand out to his. "It's nice to meet you, and thank you."

"That was you! I knew I recognized the voice!" Bella exclaimed glaring at Alice. "You were in the alley!"

"Yes." She confessed. "I'm sorry if I startled you. I lit the cigarette, so you would see me."

"You grabbed me in a dark alley!"

"Yes, I do apologize for that, and for the letter."

"That was you too!"

"What?" I interrupted, the girls were starting to lose me.

Alice sighed deeply. "I'm sorry Edward, I didn't mail the letter like we agreed. I needed her to be suspicious. So I…"

"She knocked on my door at midnight and scared me half to death!" Her features became grave. "But what it said was much more frightening than the delivery."

"I'm sorry Bella." Alice replied. "That wasn't Edward's idea. Carlisle couldn't see how your relationship could continue. He wanted you to think he was dead. But I knew it would work out…eventually. So we added the little message at the end. I take it you figured that out pretty quickly?"

"No!" She shouted. "I only realized it days ago. I read the letter hundreds of times, but I never understood what that phrase meant. It didn't sound like something Edward would write. How did you know I would understand?"

Alice smiled, "I can see the future. It's subjective, so it isn't foolproof, but it's helpful.

"Wow." Bella laughed. "So you knew I'd get it all along."

"How did you figure out the message in the end?" I asked, recalling the night I spent with the widow by the river.

"It came to me in a dream, while I was on the train. I heard the river, and I heard your voice. You told me what to look for."

My chin nearly fell on the floor. It actually worked. "Unbelievable." The word was just a whisper.

"What?" She said, looking concerned. "Is something wrong?"

"The widow helped me channel you, and it actually worked."

"You mean it wasn't just a dream?" Her eyes grew wide. "You were really trying to communicate with me?

"Yes."

"My God." A voice came from the other side of the door.

"Come in." I yelled.

"Are you sure it's safe?" The widow called. Alice took a seat beside Bella on the other side of the bed. Eleazar stood between her and the door.

"Yes. It's fine." I replied, as the door creaked open. She didn't move into the room, just stood still in the door frame. Bella shifted uneasily on the bed, the smell of human blood hitting her nose for the first time. I gripped her hand tightly. "It's okay." I whispered. "Fight it." She nodded, and relaxed, her unnecessary breathing completely stopped.

The widow's eyes were weary, marked with thick dark circles. She didn't sleep the entire night. Despite her fatigue, there was a certain lightness to her, a glow in her expression. Her thoughts were buzzing with excitement. "I can't believe it."

"I know." I exclaimed. "It's amazing."

"It truly is. This is a powerful place, and it proves your connection runs deep. It's stronger than the thousand miles between you, stronger than deceit and betrayal, even stronger than death." Her words resonated through the tiny room. Happy tears began to stream down her cheeks, she cried for all us.

"Oh yes Bella, this is Widow Crowley. She's helped us more than I could ever explain."

"It's nice to meet you m'am, and thank you for everything."

"It's lovely to finally meet you dear. Edward, she's more beautiful than I envisioned." I ginned and nodded. "Maybe we should give Edward and Bella some time alone. I think some fresh air would do you two some good."

I agreed; she turned to walk from the door frame. Alice shifted from the bed, I felt her hand on top of mine. She slid a small square box into my palm. My dead heart leapt with joy, but I pushed it conspicuously into my pocket. "Let's take a walk, Bella."

"All right." She smiled, taking my hand. I took a deep breath, searching the air for any signs of danger. I didn't catch the scent of anyone other than the widow…not even a wolf. "This place is beautiful." She commented.

"I know, I was hoping I'd get to bring you here. I thought you would enjoy it."

"It's just so…" She sighed. "Green."

I chuckled, "Yes it is, and the sound of the river is so peaceful. The widow says it has supernatural powers." I paused. "I'm starting to believe her."

"I'd have to agree." She grinned. "Where are we going?" I was leading her deep into the forest.

"There's a meadow not far from here. Do you want to run?"

"Run?" She asked, looking confused.

"You're fast now Bella; it's exhilarating. Just follow me." With that I took off into a sprint. She was right at my heels, as the trees and the sunshine streaked by. The light bounced off her pale skin, setting it aglow like a million tiny diamonds. What I had found so disgusting on me, looked exquisite on her. Her shiny brown curls floated behind her.

"I'm faster than you." She giggled.

Then I came to a sudden stop. "We're here." I whispered, taking her hand into mine.

"Edward," Her voice was filled with wonder. "This is beautiful. Look at all the wildflowers." She was right it was even more gorgeous in the daytime, and she fit in perfectly with the picturesque surroundings. Her sparkling white skin, the carpet of green grass, the splashes of red, orange and yellow flowers. It was more than any artist's hand could ever hope to capture.

She took my hand and sat down, pulling me to floor of the meadow. "I'd like to just lay here forever, but I guess there are some things we need to discuss." Her expression turned grim. I tried so hard to read her thoughts, but nothing would come.

"What did you have in mind?" I asked.

"Well," she paused, "let's start from the beginning."

"All right." I nodded, taking a deep breath. "Here it goes…Before my mother died, Dr. Cullen promised her that he would do everything in his power to save me.

"And he was a vampire?"

"Yes."

"I guess your mom didn't know what she was asking for."

"No." I sighed. "She certainly didn't."

"After the change, I returned to his house. He thought I should get away for a while, learn to control my thirst. I was afraid of hurting someone."

"And that's why you're here?"

"Exactly, but before I left he thought I should sever all ties with my human life. So he asked me to write the letter, but I didn't want to. But Alice assured me that everything would be all right."

"So you left Chicago, and came here. What made you stop in this little village?"

"It's kind of complicated." I replied. "I saw on the sign that Jocassee meant place of the lost, I figured that's where I belonged. Then I heard about the real Jocassee. She was a Cherokee maiden, who drowned herself after her lover was killed." I sighed deeply. "I could relate."

"Not anymore." She smiled. "Who told you about her?"

"Jacob." I whispered his filthy name.

"Oh." She stared down at the ground. "I guess this is where I should take over." I nodded. "I found the letter you sent with him when I was taking his clothes to be washed a few days ago. He hid it from me. He said you were a friend of his, from your childhood trips to Georgia. The first night he came, I found out that Charlie had made me miss the hospital funeral. I was crying, and I let him hug me." Her hands began to tremble. "I'm sorry."

"It's all right. I fell for his lies too. I actually believed he was my friend."

"It gets worse." She paused. "He came on to me…strong. He wanted me, and he kept reminding me that you were dead. I didn't know what to think. I thought I was insane for thinking you were still alive."

"I'm so sorry." My voice cracked. I felt so guilty. "I should never have sent him."

"I should have been stronger." She interjected.

"No, it's not your fault."

"But it is!" She insisted.

"No, Bella stop it."

"Edward." She hesitated. "I let him kiss me and we…" She couldn't finish her sentence.

"No!" I cried. "Please God, Bella tell me you didn't."

"We didn't." She rubbed her fingers on her temples. "But it was close. It was a stormy night, and the wind blew a branch through the window. The shards of glass fell all over his back."

My eyes widened in excitement. "There is a God!"

She giggled. "Yes there is. I took the broken window as a sign that I was making a mistake. After that night, I told him I wasn't ready to move on. He agreed to just be my friend, but he wouldn't leave me alone. He wanted to touch me and kiss my cheek all the time. I hated it. I'm just so ashamed Edward. I should never have let things go as far as they did."

I put on a false smile to mask my rage. I wasn't angry at her, but at Jacob. I pulled her close, and whispered in her ear. "I forgive you Bella. I know that would have never happened under any other circumstances. I hate myself for sending him to you. The widow warned me not to make friends with him. But I didn't believe her. She's very wise about supernatural matters. So let's just say we both made mistakes, and we'll let it go."

"Thank you." She murmured. "I'll spend forever trying to make it up to you."

"And I'll try to make up for telling you I was dead. I'm so sorry. I know I put you through hell."

"It was terrible, but I never lost all hope. I kind of went a little crazy." She giggled. "I smashed my rocking chair with a hammer."

I laughed. "That's okay. You hated that chair anyway." She did hate it, it reminded her of her mother.

"Well." She caressed my arm. "That only leaves one more issue."

"What is that?" I asked.

"Charlie." She sighed. "I think we should tell him the truth… the whole truth. He deserves to know. I can't leave him. I'm all he's got."

"We'll go get him later today, but I think you should let Carlisle and I explain it to him. You know… man to man. I'm sure the doctor is used to dealing with these sort of delicate matters anyway. Besides there is something else I need to talk to him about."

"And what is that?" She asked.

"Isabella Swan." I gulped hard and tried to calm my shaking hands, as I removed the box from my pocket. I pushed her to her feet, and I stayed down on the ground, bending on one knee. Her eyes lit up, as she grasped the magnitude of the situation. I took her hand, and a deep breath. "Will you marry me?"

**A/N: **Aw that was very sweet. Just the epilogue left to go. Thanks for reading! Please review!


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